1st Grief Group Mtg

I’m supposed to cry.  That what the Facilitator said.  We should have had a rough week.  Supposedly the first two weeks of the Grief Group are rough because you get memories and it’s good to break down.  I can’t cry.  I have no idea why.  With everyone else close to me I think I have.  I was a Daddy’s Girl and I know I cried for him.  When he passed away..I even stopped writing for a long time.  I used to write poetry.  I still have a book of poems I’d written years ago but for some reason I stopped after dad passed.

 Speaking of dad, this is scary.  In the OC Register the other day there was a picture on the front page of some people leaving a Cruise Ship that had had problems and had to be towed ashore.  The article was actually about a woman they interviewed.  However, right behind her was a man..walking.  Dad?  Seriously, it looked like dad.  I looked at that picktrue four – five times.  Who was he?  Of course, dad had a toupee I just remembered.  I guess anyone can buy the same one of those.  But the facial features and the upper body.. it took a lot to stop looking at that and thinking weird impossible thoughts.  A distant relative?  Who the heck was he?

   Back to grief and crying.  So, I can’t do it.  Whatever.  Oh, I learned Grief has different stages.  I guess that makes sense because so does abuse (okay, abuse has different types) I’m not sure exactly what stage I’m in but I guess since I did it all I am supposedly postponing my grief.  Yeah, Okay.  Don’t believe that one.

   It will be good to talk to others going through the same feelings I am however I wonder how much we will open up to each other.  Plus, I think I mentioned the Facilitator as being a much older gentlemen.  Not sure that will make for  a real comfortable environment.  He said he is not a Doctor nor a Licensed Therapist..just the Facilitator.  So I guess that means after I finish this group and feel better  I could lead a group like this too?   


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