Crazy Sick

A few weeks ago I had a Break-Down.  I don’t know if it was considered Mental or Emotional but my PC told me that when one has a break-down, they are automatically labeled “depressed”.  That’s not really fair to automatically label people but in all honesty, I am and have been “depressed”.  Steve calls my break-down a “Panic Attack” but I’ve had a Panic Attack and this was completely different and scary.  The house moved!  Seriously.  Starting as Mini-Earhthquakes.  I called Steve at work and asked him if we’de had an Earthquake and he said No.  A few minutes later, my world spun out of control.  The house spun and it kept jolting.  I could not stand on my feet.  Plus, I was not in control of my own body as my legs and feet went up and down on their own accord.  I called my doctor who told me to call 9-1-1.  It’s hard to convince the 9-1-1 Operator that your house is moving and you aren’t crazy!  I even had to put the phone down a few times while talking to her due to my body being rolled back and forth until I was breathless as the house moved so fast.  The paramedics arrived..Police first?  I don’t remember.  I was afraid they thought I was crazy. I was afraid they would lock me up somewhere.  I wonder what would have happened if they had.  They saw my legs moving and assumed I was nervous so I told them “I am NOT doing this!”  I felt possessed.  I am a Christian and I prayed to God to get it to stop and get me out of my head.  They called my husband and asked if I took drugs.  I spent a week at the local hospital.  When they finally released me, I suffered terrible headaches for 6-7 days straight.  My husband took care of me…with much complaint.  He does not like me being sick so often.  He does not want to be a caregiver.  I am better now.  As far at That situation…Now, there are others.

 Saw my Primary the other day and was suprised to learn I weigh less then 100 lbs.  Don’t know why but it is not good.  My PC asked me if I am Anorexic or Bulimic.  No, I am not any Ick’s at all.  That is totally disgusting.  I guess my appetite has left.  Now my husband and I argue.  Over food, calories, nutrition, etc. pretty much anything to do with my eating habits or lack thereof as well as my stomach ailments.  He has suddenly become a doctor and knows all.  The whole solution is to eat more!  Not quite,  Dear.  That seems simple because he likes to eat.  He also claims not to be picky which is another story.. However, as he likes to remind me, he does not have health problems so what he eats does not really matter.  I am tired of arguing over food.  When I was young this was common due to my disease.  Now, I am older I thought it would not be re-visitied.  I thought wrong.

  I had a Colonoscopy/Endoscopy yesterday.   This is what was found:    

1. Upper GI Endoscopy. Diagnosis was LA grade A Reflux Esophagitus. Nodule found in the Esophagus that was biopsied. Acute Gastritus that was biopsied. Gave us a prescription for Aciphex
2. Colonoscopy. Melanosis in colon that was biopsied. We need to wait 2 weeks for all of these results and see Dr. in 3 weeks.
My sister has/had Colon Cancer so the Melanosis Part is a bit disturbing but perhaps the prescription will help to stimulate my appetite.
Another thing is my PC has suggested I see a Psychiatrist.  I should be embarrassed about this and tell no one, yet with all the celebrities in their therapies with their counselors etc, the stigma is pretty much gone.  I have to agree that maybe that will help me sort my self in my own head a bit.  One thought did occur to me which is that although I do not enjjoy being sick, my mother used to always have compassion and care for me when I was.  She was not negative when i didn’t feel well.  It is probably wrong to admit that I did enjoy the care received by my husband while sick and I guess I miss or will miss the idea that the caring parental figure in my life is completely gone and I will never have that to fall back on again in time of need.  There is also the fact that I have been sickly for so long that I am getting resigned to the fact that it will probably always be.