Depression & Fears

So, for the past month or so I have been depressed and it seems to have been getting progressively worse.  I’m sure it is triggered by various factors.  We’ve had some marriage difficulties,  I’ve started a new formula and a strict diet where I measure everything I eat + the anniversary of my mom’s death is approaching quickly and I don’t know how I feel about that.

 I do know that I am always tired, I have not been interested in anything I used to do, I rarely have energy and my fears have become more prominent lately to where I hate the thought of even leaving the house.  When I do think of leaving the house to go somewhere/meet people/volunteer I have no idea even where to begin.  When I mention my fears being more example is heights.  I have a fear of falling or not being able to get out of somewhere when up high.  Of course, all the 9/11 shows were not exactly re-assuring.  Anyway, we have a trip planned to Vegas and my husband really likes views while I don’t know how high I will be comfortable staying in the hotel.  They tried to put us on the 25th floor last time and I almost had a heart attack so we went down to the 5th after his mother arrived because her room was on the 5th.  I told him I will see if I can go higher then the 5th but lower then the 10th, sort of in slow increments.  Believe it or not, when we were there, the fire alarm did go off accidentally..not a drill.  I was comforted by the fact that our window was only one or two flights above a roof  if we had to evacuate, I would have landed okay.

  I need to realize that God is in charge and should he want me, it will be my time..should it be from an Earthquake, falling from a window, a car accident, etc.  There really isn’t anything I can do to control it and as my therapist says, you need to take risks.    My husband thinks the solution to depression is simply to go somewhere for a few hours every day because as he says he has to work and cannot be here to “entertain me.”  He does not really believe in depression and believes everything has to have an explanation and some simple solution.  He is also a ‘Fixer’ but he would make a terrible Psychologist/Therapist.

  I have contacted my doctor to see if maybe my Anti-Depressant needs to be adjusted.  I have also been trying to leave some of this with God as well as asking for prayer from others.

Just today, I came across a place that needs volunteers which is right down the street from me and something I am interested in.  It is a Food Bank and they have many different opportunities.  I’ve actually mentioned the idea of boxing up canned foods, plus it would be wonderful to be helping others.  I left a msg with the contact person and pray he responds soon and we can set something up.  


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