Finding Ex Information

While at the Therapist today, I was talking to her about my book and the fact that I am still freaked over my ex and I would really like to know if he is even alive or around here.  She had just said something about praying about finding a way to find him should that be what God wants when it suddenly hit me.  He used to have a girlfriend prior to me whom he had a baby with.  As a matter of fact, she kept visitation away from him as long as we were together due to him not working and that was the reason he was thrown in jail the times he was.   I think the name of her father popped in my head while at the Therapist.  I am going to see if I can get a hold of her father in order to get the information I need.

I know she herself, is now married or she was a long time ago however, and after we (my ex and I) split up she wanted nothing more to do with me.  It was really weird because she even called my mother once but although I did send her one letter she never responded.  And she had sent me letters while in the relationship telling me terrible things he had done to her.

Anyway, I can only pray her father is still alive and has the information I need.  I found a # for an office in his career field and in his name which I may try calling tomorrow to see if it is him.

Funny, but I am afraid to put to much out in public due to fear.


Also, tomorrow I am hoping to go to the Lab as I cannot get the CT-Scan done until I get the Labs done.   I sure hope my stomach/head holds up this time as I really need to get checked out soon.

Donations and Motivation

My friend and I picked out a really pretty gray paint color for my room, plus my husband bought a new ceiling light.  This whole house is really starting to take shape.

My friend also gave me bags of her unwanted clothing which I sorted through and I found a beautiful, red, Cashmere sweater that fit me and a few things to put in my OCC boxes for 10-14 year old girls.  Sorting through her bags gave me the motivation to go through my closet full of clothes and get rid of what I didn’t need.  It was a bit depressing because some of the clothes that didn’t fit have cat designs which I absolutely love but I have already started purchasing more clotheslike that so..

Speaking of motivation (I was) ..last year I started writing a book about a really, bad, abusive, relationship I was in.  I really need to start working on it again. It is hard to get motivated to write this because when I go back in time, I sort of freak out and get a headache and need to stop.  I really wish I knew where this man was today and f he was dead or alive.  But, I also Need to write this.

A neighbor had the idea of just giving myself 30 minutes a week.  I know I have stopped way to long.  I am starting from transferring notes from an old diary I kept while with him.  If I ever get that finished, next step will be to put it in book form.

Anyway, to conclude this post and my wknd, I took all my donations to my favorite thrift store and after donating I took myself shopping there.  I wound up buying two things for OCC shoe boxes this time and nothing for myself.  Not to bad.

Primary Doctor Visit

I saw my Primary today and am going to do labs for him on Mon or Tues plus he is going to put in an Authorization for a CT-Scan before an Ultra-Sound with my symptoms. My husband said I can change Nephrologists now if I want to which may be a good idea since my Nephrologist seems to intimidate me and make me nervous.  I just cannot seem to vocalize everything I need to with him.

My Primary also suggested a medication for memory but my husband would rather I not take anything.  I really feel my memory is getting worse but he is concerned about side effects especially with all my other problems I am experiencing now.  I need to look up the side effects plus I would have to get CHOC’s approval anyway before making a decision.  He did leave it up to me so I will have to pray and think about this one.


Stomach Verses Kidney Pain

So tomorrow I am probably going to call my P.C. and see about making an appointment.  I am really starting to think my stomach pains are more kidney related as they are in my lower abdominal area and I am having horrible pains especially on my left side kidney area.  This is not good as I had a Kidney Transplant 5 years ago (of which my husband was my Donor) but they did not remove my old Kidneys which were both giving me trouble.

I am full of Cysts and Stones in my old Kidneys but supposedly they are really high and won’t drop.  I am wondering if they are moving around now causing the pain.  I have never dropped a kidney stone (as far as I know) but my neighbor did and from what I’ve heard..the pain is so bad in the process.. I would know about it.

Mom & Cleaning

My mother used to clean house constantly.  We even talked about sex once and she actually told me when she was sexually aroused and dad was not around, she would clean the house. I was raised in a house that looked like it should be in a magazine.  We had a Living Room that we could not live in.  It was only used for company.  Two chairs we were not even allowed to sit on.  It drove me crazy.

I vowed not to be like my mother in a lot of ways which is probably why I am not the best of house cleaners.  I’ll admit that may not be one of the best traits to have avoided.

I really do have the best of intentions.  I have this vision of how I really want my Library to look once it is organized but now it is the messiest room of the house.  The more I try there seems to be no end in sight to the clutter.  It is mainly paperwork that needs to be shredded and sorted.  Plus, I need to make a donation drop-off soon which I am trying to wait until my friend comes over so I can go into the Vintage Store at the same time verses making another trip there.  I must admit it is hard to go there without going in to discover all the new things they have.

Marriage & Decorating

We had such a nice wknd.  Saturday my husband moved furniture and then we went to Ikea.  We could not use the Curio Cabinet I envisioned due to space but we found something really cool for my Coke Collection.  I am so glad we went and saw this in person because the picture on the Ikea site does not do it justice.  This is really a solid piece of furniture with glass shelves and as you can tell it fits the corner space perfectly.  Afer the room change completion when I mentioned wall pictures in his room,  S. had the nerve to say, “I don’t care I’m doing this for you.”  I said “Oh No, Don’t you go there. You brought it up a long time ago when you said you wanted your own room.” Once again it’s something we have to laugh about because it works for us so no use arguing over how it started.

On Sunday, S. suggested Pechanga but my body wasn’t up to it.  He may have part of it right on my stomach getting extra nervous about long car trips.  It doesn’t help when S. goes to the gym first and I have to wait for him for hours to come home before we leave.

The good thing about not going was he decided to hire a cleaning company to come on Mondayito clean the house.  This would not have happened had we gone to Pechanga.  So, now we have a clean house.  He said they commented that if they had known our house was so dirty, they would have charged more.  Now, he keeps teasing me about how dirty our house was and comparing me to a Hoarder since I watch the show all the time.  I knew it was really bad but please… his comments are pretty funny though..not mean.

We are starting on fixing up the house, Finally! which is really exciting.  S. is going with the neighbor tomorrow night to pick out Can Lights for recessed lighting in the Kitchen and Living Rooms which the neighbor will install this wknd (he is an Electrician) and my friend and I are going to pick the paint colors for my room this wknd also.  This is getting really exciting.

*  I just learned the cleaning people did not comment about the house being so dirty (I thought that seemed rude).  My husband made that up.  They did say next time they would charge less so in his eyes that’s what was implied. He may be right but then again.. What a Brat.  Here I was thinking they actually said something.   I should have known better.  I don’t think a company would actually tell a customer that if they want repeat business.


Computer Addiction

What was life like before the computer?  Do you remember?  Did things get done around the house that I needed and wanted to get done?  Did I read more?  Did I want to go out and do things?  I remember actually taking myself to the Mall or a movie because I was bored or going for a walk with my Walkman.

I need to slow down this addiction.  My ADD does not help..neither does the fact that everyone in the world has computers and cell phones with all the bells and whistles and now my phone has it all too.  My phone also has most everything the computer does.  But, I digress in a way.  How many times can I check the stats here in hopes they’ll change?  That’s ridiculous.

I need to clean and work on my house.  I need to start exercising more. My husband says I need to get outside and get some Sun.  Yes, I still need to buy some things via computer but I should probably allot a time for that like between the things I need/want to get done..just like I should do the same with my favorite FB game.

So, that’s my hope and goal..but how things pan out may turn into something else.  I have a lot of ambition lately but the follow-thru is yet to be seen.

Health & Animals


I woke up cramping again and when I saw the doctor at CHOC,  they sort of admitted they are stumped.  My protein levels are not really getting any better or maybe my amino-acids..(not sure which) but the stomach issues; nobody seems to know how to handle.  We did have good news in the fact that I’ve gained 4 lbs in the last 3 months, and thanks to that, they have cut my calorie intake to 1700-1800 per day so I don’t have to stress about getting that exact 1800.  That was really tough and I was eating way to late just to reach my goal.  The dietician did mention that some foods without gluten might be good for me plus, I need to order more foods from the low-protein food companies.  I totally need more variety which I am afraid of due to not knowing what will set off my stomach.

In case I haven’t mentioned, I am supposed to give up Olive Oil (although I may need to cut it down first.)  They say it is not good for my disease/gastrointestinal tract.  They say usually this is not a problem however this may be contributing to my stomach problems.  This is a bit tough because I used Olive Oil in everything.  It tastes great and  is supposed to be heart healthy.

It is a cold day today and it will probably rain.  I feel really sorry for the cat next door.  The lady keeps her outside because she poops in the house and one time she found a Possum in her garage so now she’s blocked off the garage and the cat can’t get in.  The poor cat is 19 years old and extremely thin.  The  lady never takes her to the vet and as far as I know never plays with her or gives her much attention.  Her grandchildren do when they come over however, Gracie (the cat) has to fight for her food with the other cats in the neighborhood (yes, her owner does feed her when she gets home from work) and is craving attention.  I sneak treats to her every day except on week-ends because I don’t want her owner to know I am doing so.  Also, since we are re-organizing the house a bit I am going to put Firepie’s old scratching post out by the trash cans in hopes Gracie will find it and sleep in it when she gets cold.  It is one with the holes to go in.  I may wait to put it out though as I don’t think we have a tarp to put over  it to save it from rain.  The worst thing that could happen I guess; is Gracie may not use it and we could house a Possum family in there.  Wouldn’t that be interesting?

A Gross Post

Today I had to do a Stool Sample to send off to the doctor.  It was so gross that afterward I had to open the window and air the bathroom out for a few and it got me to thinking:

I don’t know how the Hoarders do it.  You know the ones who have dirty diapers in the bathroom and feces all over the toilet and on the floors.  Do they become immune to the smell?  We know they aren’t the snooty, high-class people who think their shit don’t  At least now I know that after only five minutes or less of smelling my own body excrement and wanting to get away, I cannot possibly become a Hoarder.

Valentine’s Day & Romance


As you may have already guessed, my husband and I are not the mushy, romantic types.

When we were visiting his relatives, we sat through a movie titled ‘The Notebook’ and if it had been a theatre, I think we both would have walked out.  At the end of the movie, both of his sisters were in tears and they looked at us and asked why we weren’t crying?  I think I was almost gagging actually.  I have just not been into that stuff. A romantic book I like is ‘The Promise’ by Danielle Steele and my favorite movie of all time is ‘Gone-With-The-Wind’.  Even ‘Titanic’ is really good.  Those have some romance without all the sappiness which is just so out there and unrealistic.

For V-Day, I put up a few decorations and we went to dinner a few days ago..No, we didn’t dress up – However, I got to choose the candles or romance or blah…Just Black Angus for my Grilled Artichoke and my Baked Potato Soup.  If you like watching your spouse have cheese run down her chin while she eats soup, you could call it romantic. HA!  I got S. a few Laker’s things for his office and he ordered a few things from my Amazon Wish-List which probably won’t arrive until tomorrow since he used free shipping.

And, I started Phase 1 of the Room Change yesterday by switching out his closet so his work clothes are now in there.  It took me a few hours to get all my gift stuff out plus there was divider that was actually surprisingly easy to get out and shelves to be removed.  I am really hoping we can transfer them to a different closet so I can use them in there.  I have the Master Bedroom Closet and the poor man has had to use two separate closets in two other rooms of the house.  That would be inconvenient for most people to live that way forever and not have a closet in your own room I think; especially in a house in which you are paying the mortgage.

We live in a four bedroom house and we have sort of divided it so we each have two rooms to do what we want.  It is still our house but we have two rooms each to decorate, etc.  S. has his own Office and now Bedroom and I have my own Library and Bedroom.

I  would love to hear any comments/ opinions on this.