Love = Our Own Rooms

When my mother passed away a liitle over a year ago, I had a breakdown.  Part may have been due to overuse of my medication, part may have been due to the idea that my husband had not long before brought up the idea of having his own room.  I had never been raised that way and the thought of such a thing brought to my mind the idea that he didn’t love me and thoughts and feelings of abandonment came cerashing in.    In my mind, if your husband did not want to sleep in the same room with you, something is seriously wrong with your mariage.

Since then, I have talked to my Therapist, I have talked to my friends, I have read up on the idea on the internet and I talked to my husbands mother.

Times have changed so much since I was young.  I gave in to letting him have his own bed.  It’s been fantastic having my own bed with the animals.  And, he loves his own bed.  I don’t have to have the t.v. on all night.  I don’t have to hear him gas when I don’t want to.  He doesn’t have to worry about me waking him up with nightmares or sitting up in bed or whatever weird things I do.  I don’t jump every time the bed moves when he rolls over.  (He isn’t a big man.  I don’t even know what’s up with that.)  He doesn’t need to hear me get up 12.000 times or however many to use the restroom.  It’s a Win-Win.  I didn’t think I would enjoy it so much.  It took a while to stop my mind from reverting back to what I’d been taught and to push Satan away and to convince myself that room location has nothing to do with love.

I’m ready to take it further.  I am ready for our own rooms!  It’s what he’s wanted.  I can do this.  I am gettting excited this time.  My Coke Collection is being moved to my room.  I can paint it whatever color I want.  Closets are being re-arranged.  His dresser and clothes are being moved to his room.  We are still husband and wife.  We still love each other and he loves me even more because he will have his own room.  Most men would love to have their own rooms.

 

 

Bad Butter Habit

I Love Butter/Margarine!  I’m becoming a Pro at which taste best.  I used to love Country Crock but have since realized that it has way to much salt.  Salt is not even good for you and last I checked, we are not horses.  It tastes like a Salt Lick.

When I was young, I used to stick my finger in the butter container as often as I could.  Sadly, I still do.  Although, since I am older and germs are more of a worry..Who know’s where my finger has been? lol.  I use a spoon now or a fork or even a knife.. a utensil of some kind.   Usually, it’s just that extra taste before I put it in the frig but, the other night I actually caught myself craving for a small spoonful of butter and took it out of the frig.

I’m not sure my husband has caught on so if you know him; please keep this our secret.   He knows I like Butter and he knows  how I was as a child, I am just not sure what he knows about now.

Sometimes, I wonder if I could make money by entering a contest and eating a bowl of margarine or a stick of butter.  I’ve seen those contests and thought that might be fun.  I probably wouldn’t even get sick.  Of course, I would definitely need my Lactose Pill but..

Do you have any childhood habits you cannot or are just not willing to break?

ADD & Husband

Every night before I go to bed I go through this ritual of wiping down the counter and the knobs on the stove (Thank God) and last night I discovered that one knob on the stove was not turned completely to the Off position.  It was barely there.  There was no flame, and no smell.  Nor was there any heat.  But, it wasn’t in the Off position which completely freaked me out.  I had last used it at 6 and that had been about 7 hours prior.  I was going to wake up S. but it was actually about 1-1:30 in the morning so I thought for a minute after putting my nose right next to the burner making sure I didn’t smell gas, and opened a window in the kitchen then decided to look up Yahoo Answers on my Cell Phone in the living room just to make sure there was no cause for concern.  All was fine but I wound up staying in the living room for about 15-20 minutes or more just to be safe .

Also, I have to make Lists for everything I do and and everywhere I go or I will most likely forget in a second.  It is actually sort of fun to see just how much I complete in a day on my list.  Anyway, my husband gets annoyed at times with my sense of direction and the fact that he has to clarify where a place is even though I’ve been there time and time again.  He hates it if I point out I have ADD.  He thinks I use it as an excuse.  One pet peeve of mine about him is his noisy gas which he is totally proud of and does all the time.  I seriously don’t remember him doing it as often before hei got married… Anyway, he was telling me how annoyed he was with me about having to remind me about directions somewhere when I’ve been there over and over again and right after he finished..he gassed.  So, I said, “Well, I get annoyed with that.”  He had to laugh and say, “I guess it’s and give and take isn’t it.”   I had to say, “Yeah, but in your case anyway..it’s more give and I’d rather not take.” lol.

Most of our arguments or at least those types will never have an ending and he knows it.

Hey, we’ve been married almost 11 years.  You would think he would be used to it by now.

A Date By Myself

Yesterday I took myself to Red Lobster for lunch.  It was a pain using my Nutrition Tracker App deciding what to eat but having had barely any Protein at breakfast..what a reward!  I had one of their yummy Crab Cakes and wonderful Biscuits.  Nothing like fresh Crab Cake from a Seafood Restaurant.  I just ate the other one for breakfast today.

Reminds me of a time years ago when I had self-confidence and just enjoyed going out by myself.  This was also when I was in between boyfriends.  I decided to take myself to the movie one day to see The Muppets.  I love The Muppets.  Anyway, as I was leaving my apartment..one of my neighbors asks me where I’m going and I say, “I’m going to the movie.” and he says “With who?”  so I say, “Me, Myself and I.” so he asks, “Can I come?” and I said, “Sure.  If you want to see The Muppets.”  He thought for a second and said, “The Muppets?, Can we watch something else?” and I said, “No.  You invited yourself to the movie.  I am going to see the Muppets.  If you don’t want to see The Muppets.  Forget it.”  So he said, “Have a good time.” and I said, “Thank you, I will.”

and I did.

Yesterday was one of the first times in a long time I arrived early (an hour early) for an appointment.  I played on my phone in the car until the actual appointment time.

 

Doctors Tests and Patient Covering

 

Yesterday was my Mammo appointment.  I always fight to go where I do because it is right around the corner from my house practically and they get you in and out really quick.  It is no longer covered by my insurance but they only charge $40.00 cash.  I wish they would figure out another way to do that test.  It seems ridiculous.  I tell S. it’s like smashing his penis between two plates or something.  I don’t know how else to describe it.

Today, I had a Calcium Scan.  The doctor seemed surprised when I told him I didn’t need to take my top off because I didn’t wear a bra.  It was nice to actually wear my sweats instead of that stupid cold, paper top.  They should really come up with better covers for when we go to hospitals or for tests.  You would think after all these years someone would have come up with something that not only looks more attractive but is also much more comfortable.  I think this especially in the OBGYN Office.  It’s ridiculous holding that stupid paper closed and hoping it doesn’t rip before the doctor even enters the room.  Maybe some sort of skirt that opens in the front?  Yeah..I know.. if I don’t do something quickly someone will jump on the idea.  Well, good for them.  Us, ADD people don’t do things quickly but it would sure help us out.

I was wondering if going through to many machines/tests in a week could be harmful to your health.  That is two in two days.  I’m guessing both were Laser related.

Unwanted Advice

If someone has an idea or is doing something that you think is good, you are welcome to praise them and tell them you think it is good but I don’t suggest giving unwanted advice on what they are doing.  Example:

I make Tote Bags and pass them out to the Homeless on the street.  I put in the Tote Bags what I feel God is leading me  to put in as well as what I feel necessary or they would like..soap, combs, soups or canned beans, Granola bars, kleenex, toothbrush, etc.  I do this because I want to and I feel good about it.  I feel as if this is my ministry that God has called me to do.  I do not preach to anyone, however, I am having cards made that simply say “God Loves You.” which I am going to include.

Usually when I bring this up for whatever reason..because I am buying something from the store or someone see’s the Tote Bag in my car or I happen to ask someone if they see a Homeless Person on the street to let me know so I can stop to pass it out, they are fine about it; but I have also had people say things like, “Don’t give them Granola Bars because a lot of Homeless people don’t have good teeth.” (if this was someone I am close to; I don’t mean to offend you.)

Mind you, this was a spin-off from a church idea which is doing the same thing but with Shoe-Boxes, but that is not the point.  Since this is not with an organization; there is no specific list as to what is to be included in my Tote-Bags.

The point is back to the main sentence which is you are welcome to develop your own idea’s  Tote-Bags, Shoe-Boxes, etc. and add your own things while appreciating what others are doing.

Not Hemorrhoids?

So, I saw my Nephrologist  today and since he wasn’t busy he actually listened to what I had to say and did a thorough check-up.  Surprise..Surprise.  He told me I don’t have Hemorrhoids and my Skin Tags are really small and should not be giving me any real problems. (I hate it when doctors say things like that.  What do they know?  They don’t have my body.)  However, I do have Rectal or Anal (whatever) Fissures..at least one that we know of which is a cut (like a Paper-Cut) inside the rectum which is probably why I am in so much pain.  He is prescribing some cream and gel

My favorite Thrift Shop is right down the street from there so I made a drop off at their donation center after the appointment.  I am really proud of myself.  I think this is one the first times I went to the drop-off center alone and did not go to the thrift store afterword.  It wasn’t for stomach reasons at that moment as more of there was nothing I needed plus they are having a sale next week not this one.