My Mindset Switch


When something truly upsets me and I need to change my mindset I found a way to flip a switch in my brain and do just that.

This is what happened with my feelings on the child issue.

I grew up playing with dolls.  I loved dolls.  I was even in a magazine ad with the doll, ‘Baby Tender Love’ and my parents bought me the doll after that.  Heck, I probably would have been a good mother.  I remember I used to visit my friends and one friend thought I was nuts when I would sit on the floor and play a game with her son.  Plus, I loved baby-sitting and not just for the money.  I took care of three Lithuanian children for three weeks straight one Summer and the younger ones barely spoke English.

I was born with a very, rare, metabolic disorder and my parents and doctors kept stressing the fact that they didn’t know if I would survive having children or if  the child would survive .  I wound up marrying a man who did not want children.  Before we got married, we had actually broken up for a few because he decided he didn’t want children and I hadn’t made a decision yet.  While, I really like children, I really did not have that pull on my heartstrings (like most women) where I had to have a child to complete me..but if God blessed me with a child, I would definitely accept it.  Anyway, my husband (to be at the time) and I got back together and he said he really hadn’t decided ether and he loved me and if he had a child; it would be with me.

Then:..I had a pregnancy scare.  It turned out it was a Thyroid Problem..That is also when we discovered I had Kidney Disease.  That is also how I discovered my husbands feelings for children really had not changed and he DID NOT Want them.  In my heart I actually knew this fact but I must admit I was a bit surprised by the reaction..I told him to Get A Vasectomy.

About 1-2 years ago, my doctor informed me that I probably could never have had children even if I wanted to due to my ovaries or something.  He told me this was probably known even while I was young.  Now, this is the part that not only stunned me but really hurt.  If doctors had known this when I was young, why was it not told to me then?  It may have changed the people I dated plus it completely changes your feelings to know that you could never have been a natural mother even had you wanted to..So:

I changed my mindset when it comes to children.  It hurts to know I could never have had any had I wanted to.  The best thing to do is to focus on something else.  Babies are okay, but toddlers can get annoying.  Parents need to parent them.  I don’t want to play or get close. (Yes, Relatives, I will.)  Others that have the same disease I do have had normal children without the disease; I’ll bet doctors are wrong. But I’ve flipped that mental switch and that’s how I handle that situation.

2nd Situation

My husband has a relative I was really close to.  I was like her daughter, I thought.  I was not real close to my family and I really grew to love this one person; I would visit her and spend time with her just like a daughter would.  Then, she moved and I was devastated.  I knew it would completely change our dynamic.  She moved to be with her other relatives.  At first when we would visit her, I would cry on the way home and tell my husband I wanted to move the two-three hours drive away.  However, he said we were never going to move there.  He got tired of hearing it.  So:  I flipped the switch, I changed my mindset.  I did not start treating her differently but in my mind, I let her go and realized she is his family.   A marriage may be Yours, Mine and Ours but the outside families will always be His and Hers.

I mainly make the main focus now on us which is just Me and Him.

How do you deal with some of your issues?  Do you have a mind control switch like me or do you think maybe I am just crazy?  No wait, Remember my name.

Stillstrange

 

 

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1 Comment

  1. Well dang I SUCK BIG TIME at the mind switch thing. For me I can only give it over to God and say Lord this is too big for me-please take it and bring the peace that passes understanding….


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