Doctor’s Instructions

I interrupt my stories with some health news.  After all, this blog is titled, ‘Strange and Unhealthy Life.’ 

After waiting 2 and a half hours at the Colorectal Surgeon’s office yesterday (“He is a specialist and gets busy”; is what the receptionists told me).  I was informed that there may possibly be a cure without surgery.  However, I can Never leave home…at least  not for 6 weeks.  Just kidding.  Although, it seems like it.  I am so grateful not to have an outside job.  I don’t know how anyone who does could handle this.

Here are my instructions:

3 or more 5 min baths a day in the hottest water I can stand.  (Uh, it takes 5-10 minutes to even fill up the tub to cover my ass so let’s just call it 15-20 minutes each time.  If we take the minimum # required, that’s 60 minutes of my day gone right there.)

Eat more Fiber especially Fiber Bars.  (I better check that list of banned peanut and other butters though or I could be in trouble.)

Eat more ‘Green” vegetables.- Green Beans, Pea’s, Spinach, etc. (I love Spinach but lettuce really isn’t good for my system so it’s back to the grocery store I go.)

Drink water until urine is clear.  (Technically, I interpret that to mean..go to bathroom all day.) So, if I’m not in the tub; I’ll probably be urinating.  Fun.

Use another cream (this one he would prefer I not get generic, it costs $84.00) two times a day and it comes with a cone so you use it inside.

I am not elaborating on this any further.  You can figure that out by yourselves.  Can we feel pain at the thought of this.  I can and I don’t even have the cream yet!

Take Metamucil 3x a day.


So, that’s my life for the next 6 weeks.  The doctor  said this should work provided I follow this faithfully.  He also said  this should be a permanent fix verses temporary.  (Is anything permanent?)  He also said if this doesn’t work, we will talk about surgery when I go back in 6 weeks. I sure as heck hope this doctor know what he is talking about.