Doctor’s Instructions

I interrupt my stories with some health news.  After all, this blog is titled, ‘Strange and Unhealthy Life.’ 

After waiting 2 and a half hours at the Colorectal Surgeon’s office yesterday (“He is a specialist and gets busy”; is what the receptionists told me).  I was informed that there may possibly be a cure without surgery.  However, I can Never leave home…at least  not for 6 weeks.  Just kidding.  Although, it seems like it.  I am so grateful not to have an outside job.  I don’t know how anyone who does could handle this.

Here are my instructions:

3 or more 5 min baths a day in the hottest water I can stand.  (Uh, it takes 5-10 minutes to even fill up the tub to cover my ass so let’s just call it 15-20 minutes each time.  If we take the minimum # required, that’s 60 minutes of my day gone right there.)

Eat more Fiber especially Fiber Bars.  (I better check that list of banned peanut and other butters though or I could be in trouble.)

Eat more ‘Green” vegetables.- Green Beans, Pea’s, Spinach, etc. (I love Spinach but lettuce really isn’t good for my system so it’s back to the grocery store I go.)

Drink water until urine is clear.  (Technically, I interpret that to mean..go to bathroom all day.) So, if I’m not in the tub; I’ll probably be urinating.  Fun.

Use another cream (this one he would prefer I not get generic, it costs $84.00) two times a day and it comes with a cone so you use it inside.

I am not elaborating on this any further.  You can figure that out by yourselves.  Can we feel pain at the thought of this.  I can and I don’t even have the cream yet!

Take Metamucil 3x a day.


So, that’s my life for the next 6 weeks.  The doctor  said this should work provided I follow this faithfully.  He also said  this should be a permanent fix verses temporary.  (Is anything permanent?)  He also said if this doesn’t work, we will talk about surgery when I go back in 6 weeks. I sure as heck hope this doctor know what he is talking about.



  1. healing things the natural way is always best WITHOUT SURGERY. When it is possible. sadly, not always the case for every situation. Good luck on this ass-venture! hee hee hope that brought a chuckle to you.

  2. WOWW it seems like all those things will have you crapping like a goose and then theres more pain! I hope it allworks and you find healing!

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