Relationships and Porn


Apparently, my last title for this annoyed some people so I have changed the title.  This is my view on this subject only. It is still the same view so I know I will still get the same objections however, this post is now more generic based.  So, now I guess if I offend anyone..it can be everyone and not just women.  You have a right to your opinion, but please keep it civil and polite.  Thank-You.

So, my husband came home from work yesterday and announced that he and some work friends were planning on going to a Strip Club today or as he termed it a “Nudie Bar.”  I said, “Good.  What’s the occasion?”  He said, “No occasion.  One of the guys brought it up and I wanted to go.”  I’ve been encouraging him to spend more time with his friends and if that’s what he wants to do once in a while, it doesn’t bother me.  He doesn’t get it from me as often as he should with my health problems and when he goes to those places he just comes home happier.

One of his friends or both were supposed to call him with the time to meet, but, as we waited for the phone to ring, I was informed that one of the men would be lying to his wife as to where he was going, and the other said his wife would probably have a fit about his going but he would still go.  Needless to say..we waited..and waited…and waited…to no avail.  My husband was stood up.  I went to the store (two stores actually) and made sure my husband had some alone time with the computer.

Which bring me to my next point.

Don’t you know there are laws of things that can and cannot be done in those places?  Do you really think your spouse/significant other goes to those places to pick up women/men?  Can you honestly say you never look at another man/woman other than your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend and find them attractive..maybe even more attractive physically then the one you are with?  For the woman, would your husband/boyfriend dancing the way the men do in Chip-N-Dales turn you on as much as the real thing?  and who do you think you are going home with?..the Chip-N-Dales guys won’t give you the time of day.  It’s the same with the Nudie Bar places the guys go in.  What’s the big deal?

I had a friend quite a few years ago who came to me panicking at the thought of her fiance having a Stripper at his Bachelor Party.  They were in a big argument over this and she actually said she did not trust him.  I told her the Stripper was not allowed to do the things she was thinking,  plus, whatever happens at the Bachelor Party was none of her business since it was his last night of his celebrating being single.  She really did not have the best reputation herself.  Needless to say, I do not know how the Bachelor Party ended up but, the marriage took place and has already ended.

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10 Comments

  1. Whoo boy you struck a nerveeeee.

    Yes it is normal and human to think someone else other then your spouse is attractive. There are women more beautiful then me out there. There are men more handsome than Dave out there. No brainer. But because Dave and I are in love with each other and have deep respect for each other we can appreciate attractive people while our hearts and minds go right back to each other.

    A strip club/nudie bar is all together different. If youre single and not committed to someone-fine. When you are married it is an absolute moral disrespect yo your husband/wife to go and be sexually aroused by another naked/semi naked person. My husband has ME at home to arouse him. Your spouse is the only person you should be seeing naked much less naked and in provcative positions. Like hell am I going to be ok with him sitting and being aroused by some slutty chick gyrating her cootchy in my husbands face. That is a blatant disrespect to the covenant we made before God. It would be no less respectful for my husband to be having “alone time with the computer at home” WHAT. Really? I about fell over reading that. Dave respects me so deeply he would never go there in either case. He knows how deeply hurt I would be and thats enough for him.

    Many more women (and men for that matter) have this view-gee with me, the wife that needed to be lied to in your blog and the other wife that would have a fit in your blog-thats 3 to 1 right there.

    Yeah, I told you it hit a nerve! LOL

  2. And yes what happens at a bachelor party is VERY MUCH the fiance’s business-you are committed to be married and become one and just because the vows are not said does not mean you free to have naked men/women gyrating on and around you or worse. You still are committed and faithful in heart soul and mind. If your friend was marrying someone she did not trust thats red flags right there and it set the stage for failure at the get go. One cannot blame the lack of strippers at a bachelor party for the marriage ending.

    ok nowwwww Im done and covered everything. LOL.

  3. Oh, my Dear CelaineyGirl, I know there are many people that think/believe as you do. Please forgive me as there may be more posts a head of which you will probably disagree with. Unfortunately, you don’t know me quite as well as you thought you did. I was a Goody-Good in High-School but after that my mother called me something else. We will agree to disagree on this issue and I’m sure on the many others. Still love you like a sis although now I am probably shunned by your family too or I know I will be..so at least it “like a sis.”. lol

  4. For some of us it is about plain old fashioned RESPECT,

  5. OOOOps, Every couple should establish their own boundries for
    their relaitonship, if strip clubs and etc are unacceptable for one
    then it should not happen. Everyone feels differently and has a
    right to his/her own opinions, Personally , I find it disgusting to say these places are just HARMLESS ENTERTAINMENT, nothing harmless about them for some of us, they are SEXUAL
    ENTERTAINMENT, PLEASURE, which is FOREPLAY, stimulation and arousal, and when a married person , finds this
    with anyone other than their partner (against the partners wishes) they are indeed cheating, first of all they are cheating
    that partner out of that foreplay, then many say, they don’t care
    where they get their appetite as long as they come home to eat,
    Not all of us want to be USED like that, we see out sex life with
    our partner as a bit more than just ENTERTAINMENT, and don’t
    care for another woman’s leftovers, nor do we care to be used
    to FINISH THE NIGHT’S ENTERTAINMENT. Many of us find
    that to be the ultimate insult,

    Why are women always considered to be controlling, insecure,
    jealous and etc when they are opposed to this type of thing? How about the man that is so insecure in his own masculinity that he can’t deal with peer pressure and embarrassed and
    ashamed to show his partner the love and respect she deserves as his partner, as a person and her place in his life and in the relationship?

    One thing is for sure, if you play with fire long enough you will
    get burned. As for “It’s ok to look, but no lap dances and no
    touching”, get real, going to a strip club and not getting a lap
    dance is like going to an ice cream parlor not tasting the ice
    cream, talk to some of the bartenders or bouncers.

    I am an old lady, (in my 60’s), and in my lifetime I have seen
    marriages destroyed and lives badly messed up for years over
    this very exact thing. Yes, there are a lot of us out here that
    feel this way about strippers, strip club and the like. I find it so
    sad to hear a woman say she tolerates it because she wants to
    be the cool wife, or all men do it and she doesn’t want to be
    “that wife”, if you are opposed to it you are not doing yourself or
    your partner and justice by trying to force yourself to be ok with
    it. It will eventually eat you up inside. In my experience, at least
    75% of the time, if a woman is insecure, she has been made to
    feel that way and this is just the kind of thing that will do it.

  6. Thank you so much for commenting , Donna. I do agree with you on a few points. Couples should decide between them what is acceptable in a relationship and it is wrong to pretend or be “forcing yourself” that you are okay or as you said “being the cool” spouse for accepting your husband or wife goingto those places when you are comfortable is wrong. It is also very wrong for the spouse to be doing so behind the other persons back and lying..that’s where I think your lack of respect comes in.
    You will notice I’ve changed this entry to cover both genders as I had not thought about the situation in reverse at first. t
    By the way, in your 60’s is not “OLD”.

  7. I certainly hope I didn’t offend you, Stillstrange, that was not my
    intention at all. This subject is a bigggg sore spot with me. I
    believe every couple should decide what is right or wrong for them and have the right to live accordingly and I don’t think anyone else has the right to tell them they are wrong with/in their
    choices. If they are happy with their choices that is all that matters.

    My first marriage was hell on earth, I was young, 16, and my
    husband ad I had this talk and agreed that neither of us would ever cheat in any was as we both felt the same way about it.
    Long story short, he was a liar, a cheat and basically a drunk
    and after 5 years of sucking it up (as i was told i was supposed
    to cause all men did those things) he left me with his blonde
    wh——. by then I no self-esteem, my self-respect was at a
    lifetime low. I felt worthless and unworthy, I was good enough
    to use to sleep with, clean house, do laundry and cook and to
    have his child, but not worth being faithful to, basically I was
    nothing.

    I finally got a grip and decided if there was something in this
    world that could hurt me that badly I wanted to learn all I could
    about it and I did and have continued over the years (now 62).

    As I see it, the problem isn’t with strippers, clubs, topless bars
    or strip bars, it is with a person who is married or in committed
    relationship going to these places and doing these things when
    their partner is opposed to it and they show no respect or regard for their partner’s feelings even knowing how badly and
    deeply it will hurt their partner. That to me is cheating and
    especially if they lie and sneak behind the partner’s back.

    No, 60’s isn’t old but sometimes it feels that way, when I think
    of what I have learned and seen it seems old, but then, when
    I think of how much more there is to see and learn and do I
    don’t feel so old.

    again, if i offended you in any way i am truly sorry, i surely
    never intended that.

    take care and have a good life

  8. You didn’t offend me at all, Donna! Did my comment come out that way? I agree that cheating and lying is wrong in all ways, I just don’t think that the act of going to those places is necessarily cheating however, yes, it can lead to it. I am aware of that. I also do agree that my husbands friends should not be lying to their wives about where they are going but that is their business. In my original post, I was trying to look at it from the other side and you opened my eyes to the fact that it isn’t only the woman that might have objections. I sincerely do appreciate your comments.

  9. Shunned by my family? NO WAYYY. I love you no matter what. You have your viewpoint and I have mine-and GO DONNA too! I can love you regardless!

  10. Hm… Now, I am fascinated by the previous title, and that you changed it? I wish I knew what it was 😉 Hm…

    I am probably a bit liberal now that I think about it. But I just couldn’t imagine a life where I fell into a tizzy every time my mate found someone attractive or had the audacity to admit he is a sexual being. I have no issues with porn or these bars.

    I do find the subject-matter fascinating – and good for you for having the guts to write about it. Nicely done.


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