With Or Without Him


When I am with him, I am okay. Because he acts as if nothing has changed. We are friendly to each other. I can’t fight with him. There is no reason to. I don’t know why I still buy him food and do his laundry. Yes, I do because the mindset is not here yet. However: the packing goes on. We will be separating but without legal separation papers at first because that costs money and as he said, “If we do that; we may as well just get the divorce.” but, we can’t get the divorce due to medical insurance.” At least, not yet. Maybe in 9 months, he will have had a raise or maybe I will know where/if I am going. I may like the apartment so much; I’ll want to keep renting.

I think my headaches have decreased a bit because he is still here. It has only semi-hit. Like a compact car verses a big-rig. However, my stomach is in knots big time. Crazy diarrhea. I thought it was my diet which could play a factor as I was just starting to keep track again like I was supposed to, but it’s a combination of everything, I think. I know stress can play havoc on your body.

I am praying to hear from the apartments today with the approval of everything and the actual date finalized. In actuality, we only paid for the credit check. They are doing a thorough background investigation. In the meantime, there was a 2nd apartment that was perfect as far as location, amenities and square footage. They had said one would be available on the 8th or sooner. If they called tomorrow and said one was available; I may change my mind due to location purposes. But, they won’t. They aren’t even listed online anymore. This is stress talking. This is so freaky going to a new place, being in limbo and not knowing when, knowing I am going on my own,

I just took the dog to the vet a few days ago but I think I may have to take him again. He seem to be whining and curling himself up which he does when he back starts to bother him, plus, he is scooting and needs an anal express. The vet know the situation, I’m in. Maybe they can just give him some hydrocortisone without an office visit. They’ve done it before.

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