“He’s Abandoned Me..Love Don’t Live Here Anymore”


I knew I was in trouble today when I started looking up Gluten-Free Alcohol on the internee. I don’t drink anymore due to all my meds and haven’t in over a year. So, instead I had another crying attack and took a Xanax. Every day. Every day, I need one Xanax. Just one. My one a day happy pill. If that’s a horrible addition, to bad. At this time, I need it. Sometimes, it gets terrible. Sometimes, I want God to take me away. Sometimes I want to wake up from this horrible, awful nightmare and I want my husband back.

We bought furniture today. We also bought a refrigerator. No, he bought furniture today and refrigerator that I picked out. Then, I went to Target and got more stuff. Moving is expensive. Over $800.00 today alone. Wednesday, I actually sign the lease, the change of address card has been put in, the utilities are scheduled to start, the moving truck and furniture delivery is scheduled for Friday. Furniture arrangement is being discussed, cable options are being looked into, every room in the house is being gone through meticulously. Keep this.. Sell this..This is his. My Nightmare Dream is getting closer.

The diarrhea continues, I’m getting nauseated, I eat on auto-pilot, I can hardly sleep. He says he doesn’t love me anymore. I want to shake him. “Do something! Love Me Again!” “Stop this Sh It! I don’t want to do this. I want to crawl into a ball and cry or die or sleep.

And, that’s the only excuse now. “I just don’t love you anymore. I told you we could live as friends, but you don’t want to do that.” NO! I don’t want to do that. This isn’t t.v. I don’t want a roommate situation. I want a husband and wife relationship. Most every time you run out of something.. you get a refill of the same thing but it sounds like the refills are up too.

Good-Night
I’ll be in touch soon.

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4 Comments

  1. HUGGGGGS GF. My heart goes out to you. All of these emotions are normal.You are heavy in the grieving stage of this horrific game I know sweet friend I know. My only ache for you is that your choice to do things as a unit-atty’s apt etc-only serves to exacerbate the grief. I know youre “still married at this moment” but sweet GF its a technicality of the moment. S is there physically, you are there physically but the marriage is gone. He is an absolute ASS to think you can live as friends. There is waaaay too much emotion and history for that to EVER happen. I know thats wrenching believe me. I remember going through photo albums wailing over each pic and the memory each one carried. Please believe me when I tell you I have been there. Well I love you and am praying for you earnestly.

    Oh and know what I wanted to tell you something. I refuse to judge you for your need of Xanax. Take it if you need it. God created the technology not to abuse, but to use when there is great need and right now this is it. I just wanted you to know that. Love you

    C-PS why do I have a CRAB by my profile? I didnt pick that! Are you trying to tell me something? LOL

    • No. If you don’t sigh up for WordPress, I think it creates something for you. Hmmm. Is WordPress trying to tell you something?

      • LMBO! ok word press, I dont like the crab! LOLOL

      • I just clicked to customize but you have to sign up for WP like you said…oh well crab stays…ptttthhh


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