Worst Day & One Day At A Time


I might ramble today, but I guess that’s okay. In my situation. I allow myself to babble if I have to.

What’s the worst day in your life so far? Is it a friend or relative dying?, Is it a tornado or natural disaster and losing everything?, Is it a car accident and becoming disabled?, Is it having your heart broken over and over again and finding out after 12 years that the one you married and gave your wedding vows to – the one you decided to finally trust and believe in: the one you took his hand in a public ceremony and swore in front of the world to Love, Honor, Cherish, in Sickness and Health until Death Due You Part has decided the stakes are to high and is giving up?

I never thought I would be in this position in my life. I tried so hard to be the good wife. I’m tired of hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me.” That doesn’t help. It has to be me as well if I could not keep him around.

I never used to get up at 6 or earlier every day..to pack boxes. I never used to cry so many tears and literally start to shake and sob and run to take a Xanax; because the man who I thought loved me made a comment that set me off again.

People say one day at a time and they are right. If I focus on the big picture, I start to freak.

Today. Today, I need to sort out the desk drawers in the office and finish the box in the kitchen. I can do that. I also need to make sure the Renter’s Insurance will be ready. I can do that.

Tomorrow, I will sign the Lease and get the keys. I can’t think about it. I really can’t think about the rest of the week yet. If I do that, I get headaches. I get scared.

He is talking about selling the house soon.

I planted a potato in the backyard not to long ago. It hasn’t started growing yet. I wonder if it will grow for the next person who moves in. If it does, I suppose it will be my gift to them.

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