Losing Weight..Bad Way For Me


If you’re looking for a few ways to lose weight, I have some. Separate from your husband of 12 years unexpectedly. During that time, cry almost every day and don’t eat meals when you are supposed to. It won’t be hard because you won’t be hungry. Your body will give you headaches and other pains, you will take pills for that pain and if you aren’t moving things around or focusing on something like the television to take your mind off reality, your trying to sleep without dreaming; which only works with drugs. As time goes on; your clothes start to become loose.

Within the last four weeks, I have lost four pounds. Yesterday, I noticed how loose my clothes were becoming so I bought some candy realizing I need those extra calories throughout the day. I just got on the scale this morning. I know I need to start eating again at regular intervals, as well as snacking. I also know I need to start tracking my food again. Stress is terrible for everyone’s immune systems but mine especially because of my disease and kidney transplant.

It will be a solid month on Friday since this occurred. That means I will have 8 more months in this apartment. Friday will mark a solid month of tears and lack of sleep and wonder and pain of what went wrong in my 12 year marriage to a man who loved me (I thought and believed) when we walked down that wedding aisle and said his vows in front of all our friends and family. The same day I sang his favorite song to him at the wedding reception, “I’ll Always Love You.” by Olivia Newton-John.

I am supposed to be drinking one Ensure Plus every day for dietary purposes. I may up that to two for a bit. I need to gain weight. I don’t care if I am eating candy. I know I need to eat more. I cannot wither away and make myself sick. My cat needs me, if nobody else does. I do have friends that still care about me.

Today, I will start again to get back on track physically. I will eat even if I’m not hungry. I may even start tracking my food again. I can’t do this to myself. If I do this to myself and my body, I will have let him win and proved that he was right, that I NEED someone to take care of me. Which I Don’t. I just need to get my emotions in check and start taking care of myself again. As the weight comes off, reality hits and it ain’t a pretty picture!

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4 Comments

  1. You have to and need to help yourself; as its you who need it most. Start taking care of yourself and get yourself involved in something rather than TV.

    • While I appreciate your comment, your lack of sympathy or understanding amazes me. You obviously are not a regular reader. And, just for the record, Nobody tells me what I HAVE to do. I am on my own now, not by choice, you understand. Everything I do is my choice. Since the realization has hit, it is my choice to continue on the path I am on or to accept the inevitable future.

      Sorry, to sound harsh but I have been going through more feelings to mention. and your comment seemed a bit blunt; at this time.

      • I thought it sounded almost rude considering all that has been
        going the last month or so. I, for one, think you have been doing
        amazingly well considering. But, yes, number one concern is
        to take care of yourself, and I know that is hard to do right now.
        There are a lot of us out here that really care and remember
        going through some of these issues ourselves and how hard it
        was. take care and know you are in my prayers
        your friend
        de

      • Thank You. That’s why I responded the way I did. Yesterday, I ate 3 meals a day and snacks. I also took my meds like I am supposed to. I know what I need to do, it is just a case of getting back on track. Yes, obviously the person has not read my previous posts.

        Thank you for being here.


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