Mother’s Day For Child-Free, but, Animal Mother’s.

As an animal mother only, Mother’s Day is not celebrated for people like me. It doesn’t seem quite fair. We may not have given birth to a cat, dog, horse, hamster, rabbit, snake, etc. however, we may have saved it’s life from a shelter or no matter how we attained the animal; we are still raising them. I am talking about the women who take the time to take their animals to the vet and keep their shots updated, the ones who clean up after the animals when they barf all over the house, the ones who walk the dogs as often as needed or pick up the yard because if we didn’t, it would be overrun which wouldn’t be good for the animal or the neighborhood. Animals give us unconditional love and some of us only have animal-children, therefor, don’t you think we, also, should be celebrated on Mother’s Day?

I bought myself a Mother’s Day gift this year. I bought myself an Obama Countdown Clock. A funny, practical gift that I usually would not think to get however, even having put it on my Amazon WishList; I just had a feeling, nobody would get it. (This post is not turning into a political post. That is not the topic today so please don’t go there.)

Also, onto the subject of gifts, remember I said I am a giver? Well, I don’t know why but I don’t think you will find anyone else like me around. If you are sick, I will probably send you something. If your animal dies, you may receive a present to cheer you up. I don’t usually forget Birthdays or Christmas either. I don’t know why it is. I think it may be to make up for the fact that I am sick so often and don’t see people, plus, I just love to give and if I can afford it; Why not? It doesn’t hurt anyone and I just imagine the look on the faces of my friends and relatives when those boxes arrive in the mail.

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My Mindset Switch

When something truly upsets me and I need to change my mindset I found a way to flip a switch in my brain and do just that.

This is what happened with my feelings on the child issue.

I grew up playing with dolls.  I loved dolls.  I was even in a magazine ad with the doll, ‘Baby Tender Love’ and my parents bought me the doll after that.  Heck, I probably would have been a good mother.  I remember I used to visit my friends and one friend thought I was nuts when I would sit on the floor and play a game with her son.  Plus, I loved baby-sitting and not just for the money.  I took care of three Lithuanian children for three weeks straight one Summer and the younger ones barely spoke English.

I was born with a very, rare, metabolic disorder and my parents and doctors kept stressing the fact that they didn’t know if I would survive having children or if  the child would survive .  I wound up marrying a man who did not want children.  Before we got married, we had actually broken up for a few because he decided he didn’t want children and I hadn’t made a decision yet.  While, I really like children, I really did not have that pull on my heartstrings (like most women) where I had to have a child to complete me..but if God blessed me with a child, I would definitely accept it.  Anyway, my husband (to be at the time) and I got back together and he said he really hadn’t decided ether and he loved me and if he had a child; it would be with me.

Then:..I had a pregnancy scare.  It turned out it was a Thyroid Problem..That is also when we discovered I had Kidney Disease.  That is also how I discovered my husbands feelings for children really had not changed and he DID NOT Want them.  In my heart I actually knew this fact but I must admit I was a bit surprised by the reaction..I told him to Get A Vasectomy.

About 1-2 years ago, my doctor informed me that I probably could never have had children even if I wanted to due to my ovaries or something.  He told me this was probably known even while I was young.  Now, this is the part that not only stunned me but really hurt.  If doctors had known this when I was young, why was it not told to me then?  It may have changed the people I dated plus it completely changes your feelings to know that you could never have been a natural mother even had you wanted to..So:

I changed my mindset when it comes to children.  It hurts to know I could never have had any had I wanted to.  The best thing to do is to focus on something else.  Babies are okay, but toddlers can get annoying.  Parents need to parent them.  I don’t want to play or get close. (Yes, Relatives, I will.)  Others that have the same disease I do have had normal children without the disease; I’ll bet doctors are wrong. But I’ve flipped that mental switch and that’s how I handle that situation.

2nd Situation

My husband has a relative I was really close to.  I was like her daughter, I thought.  I was not real close to my family and I really grew to love this one person; I would visit her and spend time with her just like a daughter would.  Then, she moved and I was devastated.  I knew it would completely change our dynamic.  She moved to be with her other relatives.  At first when we would visit her, I would cry on the way home and tell my husband I wanted to move the two-three hours drive away.  However, he said we were never going to move there.  He got tired of hearing it.  So:  I flipped the switch, I changed my mindset.  I did not start treating her differently but in my mind, I let her go and realized she is his family.   A marriage may be Yours, Mine and Ours but the outside families will always be His and Hers.

I mainly make the main focus now on us which is just Me and Him.

How do you deal with some of your issues?  Do you have a mind control switch like me or do you think maybe I am just crazy?  No wait, Remember my name.

Stillstrange

 

 

Animals or Children?

This post may be offensive to some people; however; it should anyone I know be reading this, it is not personal in any way, shape or form.  That being said:

I am so tired of hearing about/from people giving up the animals they have had since the animals were puppies/kittens/babies, because they are moving or they have had children or for whatever reason.  It seems as if once the person has had a child or children, the animal takes a complete back seat to the child and gets shoved in the corner.  Unless the child is allergic and you have gone through the steps or have been advised it best not to, can you not teach your child respect for animals and keep the pet in the family?  Then, there is the moving aspect.  So, you are moving, so what?  Do you really want to move away without a family member?  Is it to much to fork over the required security deposit?  This is not the new puppy/kitten/bunny ,etc you’ve only had for a week and haven’t gotten used to.  This is the pet you have raised and named and loved for years.  You would rather find it another home or leave it at a pound before taking it with you?  Really???

Now, before you go on about the financial situations of people now.. I had a bad financial time myself and I had three cats.  My cats were in plenty of foster homes with friends and strangers, believe me.  But, I made sure my cats were cared for and I made sure to visit them.  I also had the stipulation that these were temporary facilities and in the end I got settled and got them all back.

My husband and I also had a terrible dilemma before we got married of getting rid of one of my cats or my husbands dog.  My husband and I lived together for about a month or so before we got married because we sold our condo’s and bought a house.  My cats had to adjust to his dogs moving in.  My Russian-Blue did not take well to this situation at all and decided he would attack one of the dogs.  After all, they were in his territory.  If we locked the dogs in the bedroom with  us at night, Kila (not his real name) would cry and cry so I would sleep on the couch with him.  We wound up giving him to a friend of my husbands’ with the stipulation that if for some reason he could not keep him, we would take him back and yes, we visited often.  Guess what?  After we got married and moved into  our house, the friend could no longer keep Kila and he came home.  So that story, does have a happy ending.

Anyway, if this is what happens to our animals after having children, I am very glad I did not have children.  I was not raised that way.  I was raised with animals being part of the family.  It was not a choice of either/or.

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