Time Ticks Slowly

Everyone says; “you need to get out and go places, see friends, etc” but it’s not that simple. Example: I was invited to a party for the 4th of July. I could/did not go to said party for a few reasons. I live to far away from the friends that had it and I could not leave my dog alone (even with the cat) without a dog door in the apartment. Also, he is afraid of Fireworks. Despite it being a warm night, I closed the slider and turned on fans and we watched movies. I was surprised as, living closer to Disneyland, the fireworks were muffled and not half as bad as expected. As for everyone’s advice, sometimes I wish they lived in my shoes for a while; and while I know some of you have been through the same or close to the same situations, it is NOT the same. It is NEVER the same. You are not me and never will be. You were not married to the same man.

I don’t know how much longer I will beat myself up with how much I loved this man. Although a bit selfish, HE seemed so kind and almost perfect from the time we met. Heck, his family described him all the time as being perfect. He could do no wrong. I was shocked when he actually made a U-turn at a No-U-Turn Sign and went Illegal Street Racing.

He cared for me enough to keep me alive with a Kidney Donation. (Why is that, if you really don’t love the person anymore?), he would go to restaurants at times that he didn’t want to since I am gluten-free and he would go out of his way to pick up MY food when I could not eat what he did.

Of course, those were things one does during a marriage.

I miss his witty humor, I miss touching him, I miss singing karaoke songs to him in the restaurant and embarrassing him since it was so easy to do. (he hates surprises and getting embarrassed). I miss being a wife and caring for the one I loved.

There is a saying about time healing all wounds, but I just don’t know.

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He Comes Home Today

My husband is coming home today and as expected, I got nothing done this wknd except laundry and working on my book a bit. It was a Smother’s Day Movie Marathon on Channel 150-Time Warner, so I did watch quite a few movies and I didn’t go anywhere due to not just energy/headache reasons; but also the fact that my transmission is slipping and I would really prefer my husband be local, should anything happen.

My husband forwarded a picture of his Mom and his Aunt so I could see them. It is sad how much weight his Aunt has gained. She used to be big before but… plus, her hair is so short, it is not attractive. I think she lost it big time when her mother died recently.

One thing I learned from the picture, (actually I knew this) if you are a large woman, I don’t recommend wearing splashes of color. At least in this case, it made her look like a Circus Tent.

Anyway, I guess it’s a cleaning frenzy today to see what I get accomplished before my Hero returns.

Why I Could Never Be A Hoarder

I used to have a friend that was a Hoarder before the word became a term.  She was raised that way.  My mother, on the other hand, raised us like we lived in some model home.  We even had a Living Room we were not allowed to use except on occasions and when company came to visit and two antique chairs that mom kept the plastic covers on.  I remember constantly asking her why it was called a “Living Room” if we weren’t allowed to use it for Living.

Anyway, forward to now.  I am not the best housekeeper.  As a matter of fact, I hate doing it.  I know..I know.. I am supposed to have pride in my house and all that and I do keep it presentable for the most part.  But, we live in the house.  One thing I could never understand and still don’t is why we have to quickly rush around and sweep, vacuum, dust, shove things in closets, etc. before someone comes over.  Sheesh, haven’t they seen how I live before?  Why do we alway’s have to put on some display for the public or friends to make them think we are someone we aren’t; just so they will continue to accept us?  (More of that topic in another post, maybe.)

Anyway, I love the shows ‘Hoarding’ and ‘Hoarding-Buried Alive’.  I think it’s sad and ridiculous when the authorities make the residents leave the same night they visit; after the people have been living in their hoard/filth/whatever for years.  What’s a few more nights while you set the date up to start cleaning?

From watching those shows and from visiting my ex-friend, I have come to the conclusion that I could never be a Hoarder.

The first reason is:

I Hate Bugs!  If I saw a Cockroach in my house.  I would freak out.  Those things are nasty. (I lived in an apartment once that had those..next door to a Hoarder but there’s another post some day.  Hey.look post ideas are coming with this one.) I freak out at a Spider in my bathtub or on the floor and if it touches one of my things.  I don’t think so!

The Second Reason is:  I can’t leave things in the middle of the floor to long.  Unless it is in a room I don’t use, it drives me crazy.  I get nuts when my husband leaves newspaper on the floor after reading them and I wind up picking them up.  I can’t imagine living in a house and walking on things that should not be walked on.  Plus, what about my poor animals?  My cat and dog don’t want to be sliding and falling on stuff all over the place.

Thirdly- The Bathroom!  The smells!  Oh my gosh, When people hoard so much and their bills get so high that their water gets shut off..No, Thank You.  Just the smells of myself in the restroom are sometimes enough to drive me out..not to mention those of my husband.  I am constantly telling him to use air freshener.  Most of the Hoarders are becoming insensitive to smell.  I don’t even like the idea of having to do a stool sample for the doctor.

Finally, I love to give to people.  Yes, I know, some Hoarders also give to people.  But, they dumpster dive or they buy things with the intent to give to people and never do.  I put boxes together for fire, earthquake, etc. victims and I also make bags for the homeless.  So, a lot of times, I will put my unwanted clothes and maybe a few other items in those boxes for someone else to enjoy.  I donate my unwanted books to the local library usually and take things to the Goodwill for the tax write-off.  In this economy, the Goodwill seems to be the new mall from what I saw of the parking lot.

I also like the philosophy, ‘Out With The Old, In With the New.”

I do feel sorry for some of the people on the Hoarders shows that really don’t want the help.  The ones that are being forced by their families to clean up their houses (not forced by the city but by the family), the few that don’t have bugs and feces around the house, and it isn’t affecting their children or animals who live in the home.  In my mind, it’s their house and if their hoard  is limited to the inside and isn’t bothering anybody outside, let them live the way they want.  Make them clear a path for an emergency crew but that should be it.

 

Asking For Encouragement

yesterday was the 6th anniversary of my kidney transplant.  I am so thankful to my wonderful husband for donating his kidney to me.  Kidney-wise, I’ve been doing well.

I went for a blood test yesterday also because according to my doctor at Cedars, I may have a gene that affects my immune system which is why I seem to get sick like every 2-3 weeks.  It is so annoying to get a sore throat, cold, etc.  ALL the time.  If I have a low part of my immune system; they can send me for an I.V. infusion of some type for like four hours twice. (not twice a week, but he said twice… I’m not quite sure how often.) in order to pump up my immune system.  I am sort of hoping they find something and we can do this.

My next step after that health-wise is a Hysterectomy.  I am semi-young but am having problems in that regard.  I just need clearance from a few of my other doctors which I am working on.

Enough health talk – I started writing my book again, basically from scratch.  I am following from old diary notes and memory.  I am changing all names and a few of the details.  I may write it as factual first and then see what exactly to change.  My problem is this is really tough on my mind and I really need motivation to continue.  I have wanted to do this for a while.  I believe it will help others in the same type situations..maybe to realize how people can change from being good to suddenly gaining control without you even realizing.

Unfortunately, I am the type of person that needs people to ask, “How is your book going?”  “Are you still writing?”  or say things like, “You can do it.”  I would like to request this type of help from my friends on Facebook but I don’t know how to ask for this type of encouragement.

HouseKeeper & Horror

We had housekeepers come yesterday (I’m lucky if we hire someone maybe once a year) and they did okay but they organized a drawer I didn’t want them going into (they should not have opened any drawers at all) and they ruined our range hood by scrubbing it so hard they scrubbed the paint off it.  It seriously looks like crap now.  Today, I have to start putting all the stuff away that we put in the two rooms we didn’t allow them in.  Isn’t it sad how we have to literally put all our stuff away so the housekeepers can clean?  Something is wrong with that picture.

Anyway, I tried to stay away so as not to be exposed to the chemicals with my wonderfully, weak immune system and I took myself to see the movie, ‘Mama”.  You may like it if you liked the movie, ‘Lady In the Water.’  It had a bit of a plot but a weird ending.  In  my opinion, I don’t think it was “Horror Movie” at all.  You could call it suspenseful if you want.  Of course, I read True Crime.  Those are more horror than any movie such as this and if you’ve ever seen movies about Ted Bundy, The Guyana Tragedy or even the Holocaust; those are real horror. versus some of this Hollywood crap.  Although, if you want to discuss Hollywood.  Go back to Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elm Street, and Halloween, if you want horror.  The new ones just don’t compare.

Amusing Spam

I have been sick since the 2nd so I saw my Primary first thing this morning and have been diagnosed as having a minor case of Bronchitis and I will be starting on the Z-Pack.  I’ve had the Z-Pack before and I am actually looking forward to taking it and finally kicking this crap.  I get so tired of being sick after a while.  It sucks when you are on immunosuppressants and get the same stuff over and over again.  Plus, sickness always last longer than everyone else and you just can’t kick it without antibiotics.

Actually, it isn’t just from the transplant and immunosuppressants.  I have been this way all my life due to my metabolic disorder.  I never did get the ‘Perfect Attendance Award’ in school.  I remember my mother telling me that was a stupid award anyway because it encouraged children to go to school while sick and getting everyone else sick.  When I was younger, I would wind up in the hospital with Bronchitis or the Flu for weeks at a time.  At least now I am older, I know how to handle things at home but I still get sick way more than I would like to.  Not that anyone likes being sick.

I’ve had some interesting Spam comments lately.  Obviously, I haven’t approved them.  Yeah, I know..it’s hard to tell sometimes if its Spam, Ham, Pam (what?’), etc.. but where do some of these come from?  One of them keeps telling me my writing has gotten boring to them and they will continue reading if my writing improves because they know I can do better.  Excuse Me!  Did I not mention, this is my real life?  Gosh, I’m so sorry my real life is boring to you.  Out of all the wonderful, exciting blogs out there you can read, I’m sure there are many interesting ones you can find to fill whatever fantasy it is to keep you going.  I’m not going to cater to you one spammer person because you find my blog boring that you are so important that I should change my life posts in order to keep you as a follower.  I am so sorry.

Then, there are the others asking how to like the blog by mobile or what server I am using?  What?  I have no idea.  This is WordPress, is it not?  I am not technological.  You figure it out.  Aren’t those technology questions, you would ask of WordPress?  Of course, we can’t forget the gobbledygook things like:  “This information is newsworthy and I will share it with my friend who is writing about such things and will find it interesting”,  “Your writing is amazing and news is interesting.  I will share with others and come back.”,  “I was searching for sites with news such as this, I will definitely return.”

Isn’t it wonderful?  These people were actually searching for true stories about people who have given change for the bus to those who don’t really need it and they thought it was news-worthy.  Apparently, their friends will too so they are forwarding that one and I may get more readers.  I don’t think so.

I would love to hear about some of your Spam comments.  Don’t you find them a bit amusing?

How You Really Live

Do you clean before people come over?  Why do we do this?  My mother used to keep the house like we lived in a magazine.  It drove me crazy.  We never even used the Living Room except at Christmas or when guests came over.  I remember I used to ask all the time why it was called a ‘Living Room’ if nobody ever lived in it.  Plus, we had two antique chairs that we weren’t allowed to sit on.    I guess that’s why I’m not the perfect house-keeper.  I want to be able to live in my house.

Before I got married, I don’t remember cleaning the house every time someone came to visit, my friends know how I live.  Heck, most of us may leave some dirty dishes in the sink once in a while (I don’t usually do the dishes until the end of the day) and we can’t alway’s get around to dusting and vacuuming.  I believe in keeping the toilet presentable but other than that..does the bed have to be made and do all the papers that are strewn on the tops of tables or the top of the t.v have to be picked up?  I am not saying to have your house looking like a Hoarders (God Forbid) but why are we afraid to be ourselves?  Why do we put on a front so others believe we live perfect every day?  Do we really think they live perfect every day?

My husband has me clean the house before a Cleaning Lady comes.  Yeah..I know.  Not the basic dusting, vacuuming, etc..but clearing of everything because he wants it to look presentable and that way she/they won’t have to move anything.  He is lenient with me on the house-cleaning but I know he feels I could do more since I “don’t have a job.”  The truth is I stay at home due to health issues.  Most are getting a bit better but should I get a job  I would not get disability, so I am getting money and with all my health issues I could not hold a full-time job.  Being at home is a job.  We may not have children but I do take care of the house and the animals which are jobs in themselves.  He likes to tease me a lot; but in some ways he is quite happy I’m home to do things around here.

Back to the topic at hand… I really don’t believe in cleaning before people come over.  I mainly do it because my husband (and society) worries so much about what others think.   I am proud of who I am and people should accept me for that.  That includes the way I live and the way I keep my house.

Your thoughts?

Changing Into My Husband

I need to start exercising again so I tried the StationeryBicycle last night which was a terrible idea.  Even though I sat on a towel.. with these terrible anal skin tag things, I thought I wa going to die.  I am still burning and am just surprised my whole ass isn’t burning off.

They say when you get a transplant of pretty much any kind apparently, you can take on the characteristics of the person who donated the kidney to you.  I believe that has happened with the qualities of my husband who was my donor.  I am starting to agree with him in some aspects in the way he feels about children,  I have been watching more sports,  I have become less social..  It’s scary how much more like him I am becoming. Aalthough I cannot see myself adapting a lot of that lame guy sense of humor any time soon…that’s for sure.

 

Husband Brings Work Home

My husband is an Inspector at work.  That is his job..to inspect the work the sub-contractors or contractors do after they do their jobs; in order to make sure things have been done correctly; so they can be paid.

Then, he comes home to me.  Lately, he has been stressed.  A lot is going on at his job and a lot is going on at the house.  The house is looking really good and getting into shape.  However, the process seems never-ending now that things have started.

Anyway, he comes home.  This is what occurs..”I thought you were going to clean the floor.  Did you see the spot?  Don’t you know how to clean a floor?  There’s another spot.  You have to sweep the new floor every day.  Don’t you ever water the back or front yard anymore?, etc.etc.”   I want to snap back at him but I don’t.  That would just start a useless argument.  I’ve hinted that it would be nice if he helped but as he points out; he does work outside the house and I don’t.

We did have an agreement that I would take care of the inside and he would take care of the outside of the  house but we were both working then and he hired a Gardener.  Of course, he is spending a lot of money for this house decorating and I don’t want to piss him off right now either.  New furniture is coming (okay, we need to find it) probably next wknd..one of which is probably going to be an indoor Chaise as we are selling our indoor Living Room Furniture and getting all new.

He and I were both talking about the fact that he needs to go back to the gym again as that usually helps him de-stress and puts him in a much better mood.