Time Ticks Slowly

Everyone says; “you need to get out and go places, see friends, etc” but it’s not that simple. Example: I was invited to a party for the 4th of July. I could/did not go to said party for a few reasons. I live to far away from the friends that had it and I could not leave my dog alone (even with the cat) without a dog door in the apartment. Also, he is afraid of Fireworks. Despite it being a warm night, I closed the slider and turned on fans and we watched movies. I was surprised as, living closer to Disneyland, the fireworks were muffled and not half as bad as expected. As for everyone’s advice, sometimes I wish they lived in my shoes for a while; and while I know some of you have been through the same or close to the same situations, it is NOT the same. It is NEVER the same. You are not me and never will be. You were not married to the same man.

I don’t know how much longer I will beat myself up with how much I loved this man. Although a bit selfish, HE seemed so kind and almost perfect from the time we met. Heck, his family described him all the time as being perfect. He could do no wrong. I was shocked when he actually made a U-turn at a No-U-Turn Sign and went Illegal Street Racing.

He cared for me enough to keep me alive with a Kidney Donation. (Why is that, if you really don’t love the person anymore?), he would go to restaurants at times that he didn’t want to since I am gluten-free and he would go out of his way to pick up MY food when I could not eat what he did.

Of course, those were things one does during a marriage.

I miss his witty humor, I miss touching him, I miss singing karaoke songs to him in the restaurant and embarrassing him since it was so easy to do. (he hates surprises and getting embarrassed). I miss being a wife and caring for the one I loved.

There is a saying about time healing all wounds, but I just don’t know.

Asking For Encouragement

yesterday was the 6th anniversary of my kidney transplant.  I am so thankful to my wonderful husband for donating his kidney to me.  Kidney-wise, I’ve been doing well.

I went for a blood test yesterday also because according to my doctor at Cedars, I may have a gene that affects my immune system which is why I seem to get sick like every 2-3 weeks.  It is so annoying to get a sore throat, cold, etc.  ALL the time.  If I have a low part of my immune system; they can send me for an I.V. infusion of some type for like four hours twice. (not twice a week, but he said twice… I’m not quite sure how often.) in order to pump up my immune system.  I am sort of hoping they find something and we can do this.

My next step after that health-wise is a Hysterectomy.  I am semi-young but am having problems in that regard.  I just need clearance from a few of my other doctors which I am working on.

Enough health talk – I started writing my book again, basically from scratch.  I am following from old diary notes and memory.  I am changing all names and a few of the details.  I may write it as factual first and then see what exactly to change.  My problem is this is really tough on my mind and I really need motivation to continue.  I have wanted to do this for a while.  I believe it will help others in the same type situations..maybe to realize how people can change from being good to suddenly gaining control without you even realizing.

Unfortunately, I am the type of person that needs people to ask, “How is your book going?”  “Are you still writing?”  or say things like, “You can do it.”  I would like to request this type of help from my friends on Facebook but I don’t know how to ask for this type of encouragement.

Amusing Spam

I have been sick since the 2nd so I saw my Primary first thing this morning and have been diagnosed as having a minor case of Bronchitis and I will be starting on the Z-Pack.  I’ve had the Z-Pack before and I am actually looking forward to taking it and finally kicking this crap.  I get so tired of being sick after a while.  It sucks when you are on immunosuppressants and get the same stuff over and over again.  Plus, sickness always last longer than everyone else and you just can’t kick it without antibiotics.

Actually, it isn’t just from the transplant and immunosuppressants.  I have been this way all my life due to my metabolic disorder.  I never did get the ‘Perfect Attendance Award’ in school.  I remember my mother telling me that was a stupid award anyway because it encouraged children to go to school while sick and getting everyone else sick.  When I was younger, I would wind up in the hospital with Bronchitis or the Flu for weeks at a time.  At least now I am older, I know how to handle things at home but I still get sick way more than I would like to.  Not that anyone likes being sick.

I’ve had some interesting Spam comments lately.  Obviously, I haven’t approved them.  Yeah, I know..it’s hard to tell sometimes if its Spam, Ham, Pam (what?’), etc.. but where do some of these come from?  One of them keeps telling me my writing has gotten boring to them and they will continue reading if my writing improves because they know I can do better.  Excuse Me!  Did I not mention, this is my real life?  Gosh, I’m so sorry my real life is boring to you.  Out of all the wonderful, exciting blogs out there you can read, I’m sure there are many interesting ones you can find to fill whatever fantasy it is to keep you going.  I’m not going to cater to you one spammer person because you find my blog boring that you are so important that I should change my life posts in order to keep you as a follower.  I am so sorry.

Then, there are the others asking how to like the blog by mobile or what server I am using?  What?  I have no idea.  This is WordPress, is it not?  I am not technological.  You figure it out.  Aren’t those technology questions, you would ask of WordPress?  Of course, we can’t forget the gobbledygook things like:  “This information is newsworthy and I will share it with my friend who is writing about such things and will find it interesting”,  “Your writing is amazing and news is interesting.  I will share with others and come back.”,  “I was searching for sites with news such as this, I will definitely return.”

Isn’t it wonderful?  These people were actually searching for true stories about people who have given change for the bus to those who don’t really need it and they thought it was news-worthy.  Apparently, their friends will too so they are forwarding that one and I may get more readers.  I don’t think so.

I would love to hear about some of your Spam comments.  Don’t you find them a bit amusing?

Changing Into My Husband

I need to start exercising again so I tried the StationeryBicycle last night which was a terrible idea.  Even though I sat on a towel.. with these terrible anal skin tag things, I thought I wa going to die.  I am still burning and am just surprised my whole ass isn’t burning off.

They say when you get a transplant of pretty much any kind apparently, you can take on the characteristics of the person who donated the kidney to you.  I believe that has happened with the qualities of my husband who was my donor.  I am starting to agree with him in some aspects in the way he feels about children,  I have been watching more sports,  I have become less social..  It’s scary how much more like him I am becoming. Aalthough I cannot see myself adapting a lot of that lame guy sense of humor any time soon…that’s for sure.

 

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