Thoughts of Men, Water, and Direction

Yesterday was Father’s Day. I chose not to dwell on that or even think about it really. My Father has been gone since 1995 and God wonders what he would think about this situation I’m in. I used to tell HIM how proud my Father would be that HE was such a good man and so good to me. My father would be so disappointed.

I thought about the men in my life. I haven’t had a lot of positive encounters with men. My brother means well but we are a generation a part and were not raised in the same time period. Our thought processes are much different.

I can’t compare relationships other then to say, they obviously did not work out for one reason or another..most in heartache brought on by the man and my reactions. And now this..

I bought some new water recently. I need to keep drinking a lot of water with my kidney issues, if I want the kidney to continue working correctly. This time I bought Mineral Water, which I love. I wonder if the changing of water type and taste will change the taste of my own tears; at least the salt content? Guess I will find out.

I can finally see the counter in the bathroom as I organize this place. So, that is saying something semi-positive, I guess. Or, at least I can say I am moving in the right direction.

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Suffering Dog Guilt, But, It Was Best

I saw Petey when I dropped the stuff off for him yesterday. I feel so sad. He didn’t even bark at me when I showed up. That isn’t like him. He is 14 years old. This is a big change for him. He went from one family to another (us) and we loved him and spoiled him and I was home with him all the time and he slept with me. Now, he is alone all day while HE goes to work. This has to be a shock on the poor dog. He is 14 years old! I feel guilty today. I know HE loves that dog. I know HE will take care of him. I also know it was the best decision for me. But, I seriously hope the dog can adjust to this. HE won’t get another dog to keep Petey company, I don’t think. Petey had a cat for company before. Now, he has nobody while HE is at work, and this wknd HE is going away. I don’t even want to think about it.

436547-R1-026-11A_012

After the dog yesterday, I got the car washed, then went to Walgreens and picked up my prescriptions. I also ordered myself some food from The Gluten Free Mall. I’ve found most of the stores I go to such as Mothers, Whole Foods, Sprouts, etc. seem to be further away now so it’s better to just have most things delivered. I like to do that anyway and not deal with the hassle of people and aisles and carts and lines, etc. Plus, this way everything I can eat is all in one place and easier to get without contamination.

Physically, I am doing a bit better this morning. I am planning on going to the lab and then getting coffee and Starbucks for breakfast.

My Blog and Emotions

My last post brought an extreme reaction from a friend and at first I took it to mean I lost said friend. However, after talking to my sister, she made me realize I am to emotional to receive comments from people at present. Makes sense. Anything I read/hear is just not being taken the way it is being sent. It’s not necessarily that it is not what I do or don’t want to hear; maybe it is that I just cannot hear it NOW. At least I just talked to said friend on the phone to make sure all was clear with us. I also decided not to update regarding the marriage issue on Facebook anymore for the same reason. However:

My blog is what it is: My space to blog my feelings..so this will continue:

Since I don’t know most of you and those I do know have different names (most of you), this will still be a emotional, venting, crying, place. I hope that is okay.

His Family Support

We are looking at apartments. I will be out soon. I need to get out and cry and continue. I already cry.. every day. I am angry and empty and so, very hurt. He is keeping me on his health insurance. He is putting it in writing.

I want his family to be angry and turn against him. But, they still think he is wonderful. He is still so caring and wonderful. This must be really hard for him, blah, blah, blah. HIM! HIM! What about how hard it is for me? The one that has no choice but to accept this asshole decision of ending our marriage because the asshole doesn’t want to be married anymore? How can his family still think he is such a kind, considerate, caring, man?

He Comes Home Today

My husband is coming home today and as expected, I got nothing done this wknd except laundry and working on my book a bit. It was a Smother’s Day Movie Marathon on Channel 150-Time Warner, so I did watch quite a few movies and I didn’t go anywhere due to not just energy/headache reasons; but also the fact that my transmission is slipping and I would really prefer my husband be local, should anything happen.

My husband forwarded a picture of his Mom and his Aunt so I could see them. It is sad how much weight his Aunt has gained. She used to be big before but… plus, her hair is so short, it is not attractive. I think she lost it big time when her mother died recently.

One thing I learned from the picture, (actually I knew this) if you are a large woman, I don’t recommend wearing splashes of color. At least in this case, it made her look like a Circus Tent.

Anyway, I guess it’s a cleaning frenzy today to see what I get accomplished before my Hero returns.

I Vote For The Elusive Deer

My Nephew-in-Law is going to be on T.V.  He is a Hunter.

As you all know, I am the complete, opposite direction however, I’m sure some of you believe in hunting so you may wish to watch this episode plus, there is a vote at the end.  I have included the written preview of the show but I don’t know how to include the link to the video.

Unfortunately, I watched the video preview because my sister said it was safe for me to watch.  It wasn’t.

“Swat team members, avid hunters, and brothers Regan and Ryan McCarthy scale the steep mountains of Arizona in pursuit of record-book couse deer. Be sure to check out this all new episode April 18 exclusively on the Sportsman Channel. — with Regan McCarthy and 2 others at Arizona.”

Outlander

The Sportsman Channel

April 18th

5:30 Pacific Time (I think)

go to outlandertv.com for more info.

Writing Wknd & Witnessing Twilight LIne

I have 9 days to complete my novel for Nano and I’ve just done the math.  I need to write 1870 words a day.  I wrote 1869 today so I  know I can do this.  I have never written this much in my life in succession like this; and I don’t want to get Carpal Tunnel or something as my wrist is getting sore.

I also have quite a bit to do this week before the surgery on the 27th.

It’s a good thing my husband and I are not really into the whole Thanksgiving thing.  We like to eat but I am Gluten-Intolerant and my husband is happy enough with take-out.  Plus, we are not into tons of family..  It is mainly his family anyway as most of mine don’t live nearby.  His aren’t really nearby either.  It actually takes about 5 hours to visit them.

The wknd has been quiet with lots of writing accomplished and on Friday, we drove by the local theatre to see the line for Twilight.  It was insane.  I can’t imagine myself waiting in a line for a movie.  It’s a movie!  The celebrities aren’t even there, plus, it’s not the old stage play movie like, Rocky Horror where people actually acted out the scenes and you got to throw popcorn, etc.

It just amazed me all the “Twi-Hards” as they called them in the paper, camping out by the theatre.

Would you spend the night waiting for a movie?  Just curious.

 

 

My View On Hunting

Yesterday, I walked outside to clean up after my dog and I saw a bird laying on it’s side..dead.  I felt so bad.  If you hadn’t looked closely you would  think he was sleeping.  Poor thing.  I obviously didn’t want to touch him due to possible ‘bird flu” but I felt even worse when I showed my husband and he told me to “Pick it up and throw it in the trash”.  This is one of God’s creatures.  That just didn’t feel right to me.  So I dug a hole with a shovel (probably not as deep as I should have) and buried the bird.  I’ve been praying for that little bird ever since.

As you can tell by the above story, I am a total animal person.  I once hit a Possum that ran in front of my car and the first thing I did was call Animal Control to make sure it didn’t have babies in its pouch.  My husband and I had our honeymoon in San Diego so we could hit the zoo and the wild animal park plus, we had dog and cat figures on the tiers of the cake since we only had one bridesmaid and one groomsman.

Anyway, I have a niece who married a man who likes to hunt.  He actually hunts Antelope, Elk, Deer, etc and brings it home to eat.  They live in Arizona so it is not like they live in an area where they have to hunt in order to eat.  Her husband just won an award or something for killing the largest Elk in a certain area (I think).  I try really hard to keep my mouth shut on the whole issue but it gets harder and harder as time goes on.  I can just imagine their house with Trophy Heads all over the walls.  I am trying to get closer with this niece and her family but this issue is really tough for me.  My young, Great-Nephews are even getting into hunting now and my niece now has her own bow for target practice.  She says there is no way she could kill an animal but I know she may as well end that sentence with the word….Yet.

Anyway, to clarify: I don’t believe in hunting unless it is absolutely necessary.  We are not Indians and this is not the caveman era.  We have tons of stores now.  Unless you work in the actual field which most of us don’t, there is no reason to hunt an animal for food anymore.  As for keeping down the population; who are we to decide that?  Doesn’t God make that decision or survival of the fittest?  I think its horrible to put those innocent animals in that position.  It’s bad enough we’ve built houses in their territories plus, half the time they are just being animals and get killed for that.

In other news…My first visit with the Anal/Colorectal Surgeon is scheduled for Monday.  Yes, it is a man.  I had no choice in that.  Please pray he is professional and he can help me and heal me of this pain.

Tribute To My Sister

I wish I could give an award to a commenter because my sister actually commented and it totally surprised me.  I always knew she read this blog but it means a lot to me that she commented.  (Just don’t tell/remind my other sister that I even have this blog, please.  Yeah, I technically/physically have another sister but we have lost contact..her choice, long story..probably not a long story but one I don’t wish to get into now.)     Anyway, this post is about this sister whom I guess I can call ‘Lady’ since it’s better than Sis and part of her sign-on.  She knows why I won’t use the first part.

Lady and I are 8 years apart in age.  She is 8 years older than I.  We have always been close but have had our times.  She is the one that I actually grew up in the house with as there is a major age gap in the rest of my siblings ages and I.  (My brother is 20 years older than I and the other sister I speak of is 15-18 years older than I),  anyway, Lady and I have been through a lot of interesting things together.  My parents would take a lot of trips  for the wknds and leave Lady and I alone.  During one of these trips, I started my period.  (Now if you’re a man..you may or may not want to continue reading but I promise this isn’t gross.)  I was in the truck with Lady and her boyfriend and I whispered in Lady’s ear that we had to stop at the store and don’t tell J. why.  J. was being funny and refused to stop until Lady told him why so she had to.  Anyway, when we  got to the store, I freaked out and did not want tog o in because I did not want to go to a male register clerk.  Guess what?  The store only had male register clerks.  I was terrified they would say something.  Lady told me they couldn’t, it was illegal.  I remember grabbing something off the shelf and staring straight at the guy daring him to say something.  I would have run out of the store.  It’s funny but do you ever notice that women or men when buying things for their women never buy just that item but usually have to buy Coke or Chips or some other item they didn’t even come for too?  It’s a fact of life but it’s the embarrassment factor that still kicks in.  Yet, most of us have no problem buying toilet paper.

Lady was there the first time I got drunk after I broke up with my first boyfriend,   She used to kick me out of her room when I wasn’t even in it; I was standing in the doorway being the annoying, little sister, she and I would wake each other up on Christmas morning then wake up my parents so we could open presents and one year we got matching stuffed dogs.  I still have mine and if she ever comes across hers; I still want it.  Plus, one year she gave me a box of rocks for Christmas and I started freaking out and crying until she gave me my “real” present.  Lady and I would also sing songs while she played guitar as we both have that talent; and the best times ever is singing the song ‘where Have All The Flowers Gone” by Peter, Paul and Mary. together.

Now, that mom has passed away; Lady is my rock and the sister I’ve always wanted and needed.  I can share things with her I didn’t think I could before and she is understanding.  Our relationship is stronger now.

Unfortunately, a lot of our sisterly breaks were caused by my mother. (not the one above referring to my other sister, though.)

I love you Lady, and I am glad we are sisters and alway’s will be!  Thank you for reading and commenting on my blogs and thank you for being you.

Animals or Children?

This post may be offensive to some people; however; it should anyone I know be reading this, it is not personal in any way, shape or form.  That being said:

I am so tired of hearing about/from people giving up the animals they have had since the animals were puppies/kittens/babies, because they are moving or they have had children or for whatever reason.  It seems as if once the person has had a child or children, the animal takes a complete back seat to the child and gets shoved in the corner.  Unless the child is allergic and you have gone through the steps or have been advised it best not to, can you not teach your child respect for animals and keep the pet in the family?  Then, there is the moving aspect.  So, you are moving, so what?  Do you really want to move away without a family member?  Is it to much to fork over the required security deposit?  This is not the new puppy/kitten/bunny ,etc you’ve only had for a week and haven’t gotten used to.  This is the pet you have raised and named and loved for years.  You would rather find it another home or leave it at a pound before taking it with you?  Really???

Now, before you go on about the financial situations of people now.. I had a bad financial time myself and I had three cats.  My cats were in plenty of foster homes with friends and strangers, believe me.  But, I made sure my cats were cared for and I made sure to visit them.  I also had the stipulation that these were temporary facilities and in the end I got settled and got them all back.

My husband and I also had a terrible dilemma before we got married of getting rid of one of my cats or my husbands dog.  My husband and I lived together for about a month or so before we got married because we sold our condo’s and bought a house.  My cats had to adjust to his dogs moving in.  My Russian-Blue did not take well to this situation at all and decided he would attack one of the dogs.  After all, they were in his territory.  If we locked the dogs in the bedroom with  us at night, Kila (not his real name) would cry and cry so I would sleep on the couch with him.  We wound up giving him to a friend of my husbands’ with the stipulation that if for some reason he could not keep him, we would take him back and yes, we visited often.  Guess what?  After we got married and moved into  our house, the friend could no longer keep Kila and he came home.  So that story, does have a happy ending.

Anyway, if this is what happens to our animals after having children, I am very glad I did not have children.  I was not raised that way.  I was raised with animals being part of the family.  It was not a choice of either/or.

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