Time Ticks Slowly

Everyone says; “you need to get out and go places, see friends, etc” but it’s not that simple. Example: I was invited to a party for the 4th of July. I could/did not go to said party for a few reasons. I live to far away from the friends that had it and I could not leave my dog alone (even with the cat) without a dog door in the apartment. Also, he is afraid of Fireworks. Despite it being a warm night, I closed the slider and turned on fans and we watched movies. I was surprised as, living closer to Disneyland, the fireworks were muffled and not half as bad as expected. As for everyone’s advice, sometimes I wish they lived in my shoes for a while; and while I know some of you have been through the same or close to the same situations, it is NOT the same. It is NEVER the same. You are not me and never will be. You were not married to the same man.

I don’t know how much longer I will beat myself up with how much I loved this man. Although a bit selfish, HE seemed so kind and almost perfect from the time we met. Heck, his family described him all the time as being perfect. He could do no wrong. I was shocked when he actually made a U-turn at a No-U-Turn Sign and went Illegal Street Racing.

He cared for me enough to keep me alive with a Kidney Donation. (Why is that, if you really don’t love the person anymore?), he would go to restaurants at times that he didn’t want to since I am gluten-free and he would go out of his way to pick up MY food when I could not eat what he did.

Of course, those were things one does during a marriage.

I miss his witty humor, I miss touching him, I miss singing karaoke songs to him in the restaurant and embarrassing him since it was so easy to do. (he hates surprises and getting embarrassed). I miss being a wife and caring for the one I loved.

There is a saying about time healing all wounds, but I just don’t know.

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Suffering Dog Guilt, But, It Was Best

I saw Petey when I dropped the stuff off for him yesterday. I feel so sad. He didn’t even bark at me when I showed up. That isn’t like him. He is 14 years old. This is a big change for him. He went from one family to another (us) and we loved him and spoiled him and I was home with him all the time and he slept with me. Now, he is alone all day while HE goes to work. This has to be a shock on the poor dog. He is 14 years old! I feel guilty today. I know HE loves that dog. I know HE will take care of him. I also know it was the best decision for me. But, I seriously hope the dog can adjust to this. HE won’t get another dog to keep Petey company, I don’t think. Petey had a cat for company before. Now, he has nobody while HE is at work, and this wknd HE is going away. I don’t even want to think about it.

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After the dog yesterday, I got the car washed, then went to Walgreens and picked up my prescriptions. I also ordered myself some food from The Gluten Free Mall. I’ve found most of the stores I go to such as Mothers, Whole Foods, Sprouts, etc. seem to be further away now so it’s better to just have most things delivered. I like to do that anyway and not deal with the hassle of people and aisles and carts and lines, etc. Plus, this way everything I can eat is all in one place and easier to get without contamination.

Physically, I am doing a bit better this morning. I am planning on going to the lab and then getting coffee and Starbucks for breakfast.

First Day of Laughter Since My Hell

Bad News-Sick Today. Guess my body is telling me to slow down and my throat is telling me to stop talking. I only had one errand which will have to wait until tomorrow. My appointment wasn’t until the afternoon tomorrow so I can do todays plan tomorrow morning.

In good news- Yesterday was actually a decent day with laughter. I think it was the first day of mostly laughter. Went to Ruby’s Diner for lunch with a friend. I asked the guy who took our drink order if he had a Gluten-Free menu and first he asked what Gluten-Free meant. That’s a normal question, and in my case it means I can’t eat wheat, which I told him. But, then he asked “Why?” I got thrown off. “Why?” Who asks that? My friend was like, “IBS” and I added, “Yeah, Bowel Issues, Stomach Problems.” He said he was sorry as he just wanted to know and would get the server who knew more then he did. He was a young guy, probably straight out of high school; but my friend and I cracked up. “Why?” How about, because I woke up one day and thought it would be fun to bug people who work in restaurants with making orders complicated and figuring out what and if I can eat anything in your restaurant. Anyway, I wound up ordering a Veggie Sandwich on a Gluten Free Hamburger Bun and some Garlic Fries. The Garlic Fries did have some vegetable oil in them but since I’ve already had some stomach issues lately, it’s not like it’s much worse and the sandwich/bun thing was excellent. But the bun was so big I could hardly get my mouth around it. (Quiet, Celaine!). I haven’t eaten in a restaurant or that much food for so long, I could only eat half so the other half is in my refrigerator for today.

Then, last night, I got re-acquainted with an old friend from years ago. Suffice it to say, this is a person of whom we have had falling outs over and over again but our friendship has always picked up where its left off. Needless to say, we talked on the phone for over two hours last night catching up. Even though he lives a different lifestyle and has never been married, talking to him can really keep me grounded. Even with our falling outs, he has been there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, he is sort of like a brother to me. I know our conversation has a lot to do with my being sick today only because it probably didn’t help to talk until 2 a.m. on the phone but it’s okay. It was worth it in the end.

So, my friend from years ago is back in my life, My friend C. will come over another day, My errand from of today will be done tomorrow, I have lots of soup and stuff, Petey is not here so I don’t have to get dressed and can lay around all day. Today will be a recovery day so I can continue on tomorrow.

I Can’t Cook Gluten-Free!

Before I became gluten-free, I used to love to cook, especially bake. I loved Muffins, Biscuits, Dumplings. Now, no matter how much I try or how many cookbooks I own; I just can’t do it. If you’ve been following my blog; you’ve already seen my Gluten-Free Grass Balls. Since then, I have tried to make Gluten-Free Bread Pudding which turned out worse then Brittle. It was inedible.

And here is yesterday’s disaster..um..concoction..uh..experiment:

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These were supposed to be Dumplings, but, they turned into one big blob that was a cross between a dumpling and a pancake. I use Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose Gluten-Free Flour in hopes of using only one flour. I don’t see baking enough to buy tons of different flours and I don’t like measuring out tons of different ingredients.

So, I may have to give up baking and eat gluten-free baked good already prepared from now on.

Gluten Free Grass Balls

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This is very odd as I just wrote it all out and nothing showed up. Let me try again. I made what was supposed to be Cheddar Bay Biscuits but they turned into balls that did not rise after using Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Flour without Xanthum Gum. The batter tasted like grass which is why I called it the title I did. This was my breakfast.

I had also mentioned that we saw ‘Scary Movie V’ tonight and unless you have seen the movie ‘Mama’; I suggest you see that first before seeing ‘Scary Movie V’. It seemed as if ‘Mama’ was the main movie, ‘Scary Movie V’ seemed to make fun of this time.

I guess I get tired of Hollywood and their re-makes. It seems as if they are running out of new material.

Yes, I know ‘Scary Movie’ is not a re-make of ‘Mama’ but it may as well have been.

Weather Changes Cause Pain

Well, Crap, Crap, Crapitty-Crap, My head hurts.  I woke up at 5:30 with a Migraine and took my pills.  I don’t want to take another set and sleep for 3-4 hours a stretch.  I could try the other pills that I know work and sleep only one hour this time.  Ugh!  It is raining this morning which is not helping.  Every time we have a severe weather change, my head freaks out.  Guess I’ll have to eat in a few and take something and lay down again.  I  believe  I am going for one of the stronger ones this time.  I don’t care.  I don’t want the entire day wasted again.

In other news, yesterday was headache-free and I got a bit done.  I actually wrote on my book.  I can hardly believe how much hope I had when I lived with that Ex.  I was in La-La-Land firmly believing everything was going to get better and it was going to be the perfect relationship.  Oh, what a silly, naïve, innocent thing I was.

I need to buy some more gluten-free food but I don’t want to go grocery shopping.  To the websites I go.  Yeah, I know shipping gets expensive but whatever.  There are so many different sites and maybe I can get some food shipped from the grocery store itself which may be cheaper.

That’s it today (at least right now), I think I’m rambling.

How Natural is Capri Sun?

So, today I called the company number from the Capri Sun Lemonade pouch because I threw the main box away and I needed to know if it iwas gluten safe.  It had a few ingredients on the pouch but very few and just because something is “all natural” really tells me nothing.  After all, “Wheat” is “all natural” and that is what I cannot have.

Anyway, so, I talk to a Customer Service Rep whom I think said her name was Lori and she asks me for the bar code #.  I’d already told her I threw the main box away but I tell her again and she says, “Well, that’s a problem since the ingredients are listed on the box.” She goes on to say that their products are mainly gluten-free but cannot be guaranteed gluten-free because they are made in a facility that processes wheat and other items that contain gluten; so she recommends if anyone has a gluten allergy or sensitivity to throw the product away.  I’m like, “What?, I don’t have the box and you don’t have a list of the ingredients in this product of Lemonade?”  (That didn’t make sense to me at all.) and she says, “No, because of the date on the batch. You need the ingredients of the specific date of the batches.”  Needless to say, after that call, I did not throw the Lemonade away (I had like 9 pouches left, but I did give them to a neighbor after asking if her children drank the stuff.

I do find it very odd that the ingredients may be different depending on the date of the batches.  I just think the Customer Service girl was going by the information on the internet which was the same thing I did, and did not have the box handy..in which case. She was no real help at all.  Needless to say, if you are gluten-intolerant or gluten-sensitive. I would stay away from that stuff.

Moving To Mobile??

What a nice wknd.  My husband took yesterday off also.  We went to the local zoo, we got our taxes done and we went to Spaghetti Factory.  The last time we went there, I almost thought I wouldn’t go back  because with the gluten-free noodles they use; my dish was really dry..the Brown Butter/Mizithra just did not stick to them at all.  But this time, I talked to the waiter who suggested extra Brown-Butter and I am so back!  It was delicious again.  I do wish restaurants would use the gluten-free Spaghetti or Angel Hair verses the Penne pasta sometimes, but I’m guessing the Penne is cheaper for the restaurant business.

We also looked at a mobile home and my husband even let me give the realtor my card and told him the price range we would consider.  Yes, I am trying to talk him into moving to a moble home park.  We have talked many times of retiring at Leisure World when I am 55 but that is not for 7 more years.  Here’s the thing; if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I have a lot of medical/health issues.  I also am and enjoy being a recluse (but that’s another story) and I don’t get out much.  I really like the idea of being in a community atmosphere with a pool and more people around and maybe even a few activities once in a while.  Who knows?  I may even meet some friends.  I like the idea of walking around the community (within its walls) and feeling safe and close to home.  It may get me out of the house a little bit more which would be good for me.  Plus, I like to think it would be smaller then our house.  While my husband disputes that last sentence because he says most of the mobile-homes we have seen have more square footage, they feel more compact to me in how they are situated.  We would probably go from a four bedroom to a three and it would just feel smaller, plus, the space rent, after paying the house in full, would be low enough, to continue to be covered by whatever I get, should anything happen to my husband first, God Forbid.   We would probably only live in the mobile home park for the next 7 years or so until I am of age to go to Leisure World.

Back to the health reasons though, I want to live in this type community while I am able to enjoy it.  With my health problems and the fact that my kidney transplant won’t last forever; I am afraid in or around 7 years; I may be on the transplant waiting list or something and usually your health doesn’t get better as you get older; it gets worse.

Living in Orange County, there haven’t been to many stories of mobile homes having been blown over in wild weather, burned down in fires, or even knocked down by Earthquakes.  Yes, it could happen but I suppose the same could happen in my house.  I cannot live in fear of natural catastrophes all my life.  God is in control on those things.

Bad Restaurant Review A Head

Yesterday, I went to Coco’s for lunch with a friend.  Remember, I am Gluten Intolerant.  I asked the woman who sat us if  they had a food list for people who were gluten-free as I had seen a list on the internet and had forgotten to print it and take it with me.  She said she would check.  When she finally came back, she said they didn’t have anything like that.  When I asked to speak to the manager, she said she was the manager.  What?  If she was the manager, she would not have had to check.  Then, the server showed up.  Now, there was a note on the bottom of the Coco’s menu that said, if you are gluten-free or have questions, (something like that), ask your server.  I talked to the server and he was rude.  I don’t know where he was from.  But, he was like, “I’ve worked here over 23 years and I’ve never heard of that.  Just read the menu.”  I finally remembered the website saying I could have mashed potato’s.  I did confirm with the server what was in them and what they were cooked in so I had a side of those.  While eating, I looked up the website and found the list at Coco’sRestaurantandBakery.com so on the way out, I told the server in case they wanted to keep it on hand for next time.  He gave me a really dirty look and said, “You just read the menu.” 
Needless to say, this Coco’s is getting a really bad Yelp review from me.     

Flash Memory

So, we went to IHOP last night and I ordered the wrong crepes.  That isn’t hard to do because they have like 1,000 choices, but I am gluten intolerant and have to be careful.  Needless to say, I am paying for it.  I can only;y eat the Fruit Crepes.  I got the Fruit Dessert Crepes.  Not, the same.  It had some weird filling in it.  I should have known better.  My fault..whatever.

Have you ever had Flash Memories?

I just did and they drive me nuts sometimes.  “Flash Memories” or that’s what I call them are when a memory just comes from out of nowhere for no reason whatsoever.  I was just taking a bath and had memories of the time my grandmother was dying and I got brave enough to tell her I loved her and she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Who is that?”  I was really young then, so I ran out of the hospital room and back to our motor home…and the time my dad was dying and I could not be near him because it was too painful to watch, and the time my friend died but nobody from her family bothered to tell me.  Plus, the time my mother got sick and was dying and called me by my sister’s name, as well as the times she continually bitched at me about not liking the facility she was in because she wanted to go back to her mobile home.

But, the weirdest thing is:  the tears didn’t come until I remember my animals who died.  My first Fur-Children of my own.  Nobody can tell me animals don’t have souls or don’t go to Heaven.  I will alway’s believe they are over the Rainbow Bridge right now playing with the rest.

Mommy still misses and loves you Sweet Babies and alway’s will.

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