Life Moments

It’s been a sleepy last few days. Even the dog seems to sleep extra. The Bactrim seems to be working for the infection or whatever I am recovering from. Yep, another wknd of the same crap I got in May which was one of the main reasons I could not go to Vegas for our Anniversary.

The dog and I are on a semi-schedule now. I take him for walks 3-4 times a day. Short walks. Just around the front of the complex area. Last night, a bunch of children wanted to pet him but he really had to go potty so it was not the best time.

The Ginger Root came which I am going to try for my Migraines but I think I am going to wait. I have plans on Sunday and I was up all night in the restroom. I am not sure if that is good to take with an antibiotic and if that was the cause of my stomach issues last night, it’s probably best to wait until after Sunday anyway and try again.

Funny story about this apartment. This complex is very quiet. However, I live directly across the walkway from a family with 5 children, one of which is a baby. That baby can scream! Well, since it’s been hot, they tend to keep the screen closed and their glass door open. Last night, I heard them having sex and suddenly I heard the baby scream. Good. Made them stop that. I didn’t want to hear that either. Usually, crying babies annoy me, but good for you Baby, you make them knock that off or close the doors and turn on the air conditioner. Sheesh.

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I Wonder How Long Until Happiness Sets In

It’s been three weeks, as of yesterday. I don’t post every day because my days fade into each other. I watch t.v., I write letters, I call people, I play with the cat, I do the normal activities I have to..like eat, etc. I play games on Facebook, I still cry.

I’m done unpacking. I don’t want to do it anymore. There’s one more box that may have more towels although its marked Halloween. I’m missing some towels. I remember buying them. Or, maybe not. I’m not thinking straight. I keep putting stuff down and forgetting where it is. Sometimes, after being on the computer for a long time, I forget where I am and I think I’m at home..the other house..in the old kitchen and I’m surprised when I look to my left and I don’t see the kitchen table or the garage door. Then, my mind is back.

I still get headaches, I’m still not sleeping like I want to. Last night, I fell asleep while talking to a friend on the phone. That was rude. Luckily, he understands. He, yeah, it’s okay though. He is my best friend. The one I told you about. The one I got re-connected with.

I’ve seen the Psychologist twice but that didn’t work. He kept agreeing with me. Anything I said, he said, “Uh-Huh”, It’s good to feel that way”, “You’re right” He made me talk for the whole 45 minutes. What a waste. I could talk on the phone or to the cat for 45 minutes. I don’t need him. If I need to pay someone, I’ll get a Therapist, not a Psychologist. The last Therapist I had was nice but she was overly-religious and talked about herself all the time when she wasn’t preaching about God.

The manager introduced me to a lady who lives in the complex. A single lady with a cat. I got brave and knocked on her door yesterday, but she wasn’t home. Maybe some day we can drown our sorrows, or at least share our stories over a cup of tea. Guess I’m not the only Cat Lady in the complex.

A stupid guy who I thought was a friend tried to hit on me and wanted to spend the night. I got really pissed off! How dare men take advantage of this situation! First of all, I am separated, not divorced and from a Christian standpoint (which I and supposedly this man was) that is not moral and is considered Adultery. Secondly, I have so much emotion around me right now; I am so sad and angry about having been abandoned like this. I have already bought a shirt that says, “The More I Meet Of Men, The More I Like My Cat.” The last thing I need right now is another man coming into my life messing me up. I need supportive friends. “Friends” can be male or female. Needless to say, that guy and I had some serious words and he is OUT! Off of Facebook, Out! I did tell him I would continue as acquaintances but I don’t think that is going to work either. But wait, are your enemies still your acquaintances?

I wonder what HE does with his time, when not getting the house fixed up by his uncle. Wknds are when we used to go for drives with the dog and laugh over t.v. shows which I can hardly watch in full anymore without crying. I wonder if HE and the dog watch those same t.v. shows in full and he can laugh at them as normal without missing those weird comments I used to make. I wonder if HE eats anything healthy other then Bananas. I wonder if we really could be “friends” as HE wants to..months in the future. I wonder how my life spun out of control the way it did and if I will ever be happy again.

New UnWanted Chapter Begins Today

Two weeks ago, I was a Housewife feeling a bit depressed over the fact that I was not going on my Anniversary trip to Vegas due to headache pain, however, knowing it was the best choice.

Today, I am signing the Lease for the apartment and entering it as my own for the first time.

Today, I am starting a new life chapter I never wanted to start.

I pray for strength as I go alone again.

*Computer will be unhooked tomorrow. May not be back until next week due to moving. May go to computer room, may not. Don’t worry, I will be back soon though. I really appreciate this blog.

Worst Day & One Day At A Time

I might ramble today, but I guess that’s okay. In my situation. I allow myself to babble if I have to.

What’s the worst day in your life so far? Is it a friend or relative dying?, Is it a tornado or natural disaster and losing everything?, Is it a car accident and becoming disabled?, Is it having your heart broken over and over again and finding out after 12 years that the one you married and gave your wedding vows to – the one you decided to finally trust and believe in: the one you took his hand in a public ceremony and swore in front of the world to Love, Honor, Cherish, in Sickness and Health until Death Due You Part has decided the stakes are to high and is giving up?

I never thought I would be in this position in my life. I tried so hard to be the good wife. I’m tired of hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me.” That doesn’t help. It has to be me as well if I could not keep him around.

I never used to get up at 6 or earlier every day..to pack boxes. I never used to cry so many tears and literally start to shake and sob and run to take a Xanax; because the man who I thought loved me made a comment that set me off again.

People say one day at a time and they are right. If I focus on the big picture, I start to freak.

Today. Today, I need to sort out the desk drawers in the office and finish the box in the kitchen. I can do that. I also need to make sure the Renter’s Insurance will be ready. I can do that.

Tomorrow, I will sign the Lease and get the keys. I can’t think about it. I really can’t think about the rest of the week yet. If I do that, I get headaches. I get scared.

He is talking about selling the house soon.

I planted a potato in the backyard not to long ago. It hasn’t started growing yet. I wonder if it will grow for the next person who moves in. If it does, I suppose it will be my gift to them.

He Comes Home Today

My husband is coming home today and as expected, I got nothing done this wknd except laundry and working on my book a bit. It was a Smother’s Day Movie Marathon on Channel 150-Time Warner, so I did watch quite a few movies and I didn’t go anywhere due to not just energy/headache reasons; but also the fact that my transmission is slipping and I would really prefer my husband be local, should anything happen.

My husband forwarded a picture of his Mom and his Aunt so I could see them. It is sad how much weight his Aunt has gained. She used to be big before but… plus, her hair is so short, it is not attractive. I think she lost it big time when her mother died recently.

One thing I learned from the picture, (actually I knew this) if you are a large woman, I don’t recommend wearing splashes of color. At least in this case, it made her look like a Circus Tent.

Anyway, I guess it’s a cleaning frenzy today to see what I get accomplished before my Hero returns.

Different Mind-Set & Phone Book Done

I am doing two posts today at least, because this one is on my mind.

I wanted to clarify something about me and my husband. My husband and I have a great relationship. We are not attached at the hip like most couples and I am actually glad he got some time away.

However, it is a different mind-set knowing the reason he is gone. I hope this makes sense. When he is gone on a work trip or out with his buddies somewhere, I don’t feel at a loss a much. This was a vacation that we had both planned to celebrate our Anniversary and his mother’s Birthday. Of course, this is also our yearly trip. I chose a good reason not to go this time. (I woke up with a terrible headache this morning which is increasing.)

It is a bit unnerving to be alone in this house, when he is so far away. It is 1300 sq. feet which seems big. I do get comfort in knowing I have my Watch-Dog and cat with me. I look forward to moving to a Mobile-Home community where I would feel safer in these situations. I don’t know why. Maybe because neighbors houses are closer so you can call for help and also because when I am feeling well; I could walk to the pool and/or clubhouse or whatever. Plus, even though my husband wants more square footage in the next place; the way a Mobile Home is built, it does not feel bigger. They all feel more compact. I think if you take a room away. It just helps with the smaller area feeling.

Anyway, yesterday, I spent the entire day updating our new phone-book. I’d ordered it last year, I think, or maybe the beginning of this one. Both, my husband and I got tired of the old one falling apart and having scraps of paper with numbers falling out. I also watched television all day which probably isn’t good for a headache sufferer but there were some good movies on.

I think I may use this as a log of what I accomplish while he is gone.

*Don’t forget today is the Stamp-Out-Hunger-Food-Drive. If every household left 1 can of food, it would really make a difference in the lives of others.

Could Marijuana Help? (+ other topics)

I woke up yesterday coughing, sore throat, headaches, etc. the works. Good thing I already have an appointment scheduled with my Primary today for a consult re: my headaches.

It’s looking more and more like our 12th Anniversary is going to be spent here with me alone with the animals and my husband in Vegas with his Aunt and Mother. Honestly, it will probably be better that way, this year. When I feel decent; I actually do enjoy being alone. I have these visions that I am going to be like Mary Poppins and thoroughly clean the house from top to bottom and it is going to be sparkling and shiny, but alas, that never works because the shredding alone is overwhelming.

I think I’ll just call and cancel Firepie’s boarding reservation + let our pet sitter know. I really don’t see drastic changes in the next four days. Plus, even if I did start feeling better, I would probably get worse again as soon as we got there or home; what with all the smoke, noise, etc.

Back to the headache note: I wonder if Marijuana can help headaches. I think it is legal here (at least with a doctors note). I may look into it. I can’t imagine smoking it, but I remember saying I could not imagine giving myself a shot either and now I have no problem with that. I doubt that’s an option the doctor will discuss with me today, but you never know.

UnRavel Travel Plans

Tonight may be short because I am tired.  Good thing this has spell check.  Yesterday I was down all day with headaches, vomiting and chills.  fun.  I begged my husband to come straight home from work.  Sometimes when you are crawling on the floor in pain you just can’t make it to the kitchen for solid food.  Luckily, he did and I finally got down some Cranberry Juice and some soup before getting some sleep.  Oh yes, pain meds all day.

I am thinking I need a new Neurologist or some other type head specialist.  Maybe I need to start from scratch with another MRI. to see if someone see’s anything at all that could be causing these headaches.  I take so many meds I could open a pharmacy and I don’t think the Botox worked at all.

Anyway, I don’t think I am going to Vegas for our Anniversary.  I am seriously dreading the trip.  It is on Mother’s Day wknd.  We were going to meet my husbands mother there and she already paid for her plane ticket so my husband is still going.  We also had it set to pick up his aunt for the drive too and if we don’t do go we will leave her in a lurch.  H should go even if I don’t.

Now, I’ll have to call the hotel and find out if I can change the reservation into his name instead of mine only or put both our names on it in case so we don’t lose the room.  Maybe he can just bring my credit card or something.  We both have the same last name.  I don’t want him to be out of a room because of my stupid situation.

Botox Experience & Reclusive Contentment

I had my first set of Botox injections yesterday.  By set, I mean like 10-12 or more.  I don’t know.  They were in my head.  Heck, I think I’m already brain damaged.  What is he doing?

I told the doc most of my pain is on the left side so guess where he gave most of the injections?  Yep.  The needles are actually smaller then acupuncture needles, however, there is medicine involved and you can feel the medicine go in.  At first, it felt like bug-bites.  No problem.  Then, he hits the nerves in my scalp right where the pain points are.  Yikes.  When I was laying on my stomach and he hit a point on my scalp I think I made some weird, moaning, dying noise or something and he asked if he was hurting me.  I’m like, “That one did.”  Anyway, I asked about side effects and he sort of dissed them.  But, I’ve read about them.  The headache side effects really weren’t to bad.  A little Acetaminophen w Codeine kicked it.  I do have bumps all over my head at the injection sites and my head is a little sore when moving it..but all in all I think this one is okay.  It will take about 3 days to kick in and IF it works; it should last for about 3 months.  Now, this will not take my headaches/Migraines away but it should cut them down.  Wow, maybe I will wake up and go to bed without a headache for  a while.  That would be a dream come true for me.  Oh yes, the doctor also mentioned Botox helps wrinkles.  Everyone keeps bringing that up.  That’s great.  What are you implying?  I really think wrinkles are the least of my worries right now.

When I mentioned to my sister on the phone that I am becoming a Recluse and I am actually enjoying it; she sounded sad.  Is there a reason why we should not enjoy our own company?  Do we really need to feel sorry for those that choose to be anti-social?  I think it’s the fact that I am sick so much.  Outside stimulation can just cause me to get sick a lot more, so it’s almost worthless for me to do it.  I have most everything I need here at home.  I do think maybe if we move to a mobile home (yes, we are back to discussing that.) and maybe  if I can get these headaches under control; my feelings may change a bit and I may want to get out a bit more then I do now.  But in the meantime; I am content where I am.

Everyone Is A Doctor

Isn’t it amusing when you tell someone you have a medical problem (such as headaches)  and suddenly everyone gets out their medical degree and puts on their uniform and gives you advice?.

I called to return a Therapeutic Pillow I ordered which was supposed to be good for headaches, I thought.  However, I am a side sleeper and it has a crease in the center and is meant more for back sleepers.  One of the Customer Service Reps had called the other day telling me of the return policy.  So, I am talking to the girl on the phone and I mention I am a Migraine Sufferer and the pillow is not helping.  She says, “Are you drinking enough water?  My daughter gets migraines but it’s because she doesn’t drink enough water.”  You ever feel like smacking someone through the phone.  I know she meant well.  But relay.  That’s the solution!  None of the doctors in the world can figure this out and it’s my water intake??  I don’t think so.

Then, on Facebook (although I know well-meaning) I find recipe’s from friends for smoothies or drinks to help with headaches and articles about food triggers.  Gosh, it could be food triggers?  Really?  Yes, I know most of my food triggers.  I love Pumpkin Seeds and Cheese but I try to stay away from them especially when I am having bad headache episodes.       I’m already on a gluten-free diet and I have to eat.  My doctors and I both keep track of my diet record.  Thanks for helping point out the idea of food triggers.

Needless to say, I would be shocked should a friend or stranger figure out a solution to this problem when the doctors can’t.

If someone tells you they are sick with headaches, or any aches, try saying, “I’m sorry or “I”ll  pray for you.”  and leave it at that.  It really does help, just  to know you care.