Continuous Posting

I used to post once a day. Now I just post when and what I feel. I don’t care how often. If I drive you crazy, you don’t have to read. It’s therapeutic.

Today.

Today, I put the shower curtain up. I could not do the Shower Curtain Rod by myself. I had to call the maintenance guy and ask him to come. I actually heard him pound on it. So, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t as simple as everyone described. Anyway, as I was getting neck cramps snapping those stupid shower rings over the rod and through the curtain; I could not help wondering for the umpteenth time just what my husband is thinking. Why the hell would he give up a wife who cleaned up after him, fed him, made his lunch, brought his water to him, rubbed lotion on his feet when they ached; only because he was tired of being married? Why am I being being forced into friendship or letting him go in order for him to figure himself out? This is so NOT FAIR!

People are saying I should not write on here every day anymore or I should write happy things because HE reads this. NO!, I’m not going to change how my life really is because I have a specific reader. Actually, I am going back to generalizing and forget that he reads this. If he wishes to comment like anyone else, I will approve his comments just like everyone else, as well.

Do you ever watch Hoarders or Hoarders Buried Alive? Have you ever heard them say it started when someone left or died and they were devastated so they started shopping? I can’t see that but, I could see the slob part. I’m still not organized. I’m to tired to put it all away yet. (Today is day 6). So, while another box may get emptied..something else may go against a wall..waiting to be put away. It’s a slow process. I am not a slob. I really don’t like disorganization. I will see my counter eventually. But, I also have ADD. It’s hard to see projects to completion.

This wknd with the dog gone, I can focus a bit. I can also get some much needed rest.

The knob broke off my t.v. stand in the bedroom today. It isn’t really a t.v. stand anyway and the knob has been loose forever. I guess I don’t really need one. I can use the sides to open it. I kept the knob just in case.., I discovered the t.v. in the bedroom remote works for everything but Power. So, I have to get up out of bed to turn it on and off. That’s okay. It’s an old t.v. anyway and I remember growing up with a t.v. that didn’t have a remote at all. I used to have to turn the channel for my dad all the time when he was to lazy (whoops, I mean didn’t want to) get up and do it himself. My t.v. in the Living Room is also not the newest of models but it works and I am happy. I guess to work the dvd and Wii, I have to plug them in the front panel separately. Supposedly, I can use the remote for them then but they have their own remotes, so it doesn’t matter. HE offered to buy me a better t.v. but I don’t want a better t.v.

I want HIM to miss me and to love me again. I want HIM to honestly think about what he is doing and what he wants in life and what consequences this has already brought from his decision. I want HIM to re-consider the meaning of our marriage vows and the reason he fell in love with me in the first place and go to counseling by himself, if necessary before we go together. I’ve already started and am going back next week.

There was no texting from him today and when the phone buzzed earlier, I jumped. So, it is the first quiet and sad day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep with memories and pain, and I know tonight will be a replay. I will have to get used to this for a while.

These words go through my head over and over…

If You Love Something
Set It Free
If It Comes Back To You
It’s Yours
If It Doesn’t
It WAs Never Meant to Be

I’ve Set Him Free,, now who knows what is to be?

Oh yeah..and lastly, my lunch date for tomorrow has been canceled. My friend is sick.

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Important Question!..

Will someone in the medical field please answer the following question:

Has the law changed and do they automatically test for STD’s during a physical or do you have to ask for it?

His Family Support

We are looking at apartments. I will be out soon. I need to get out and cry and continue. I already cry.. every day. I am angry and empty and so, very hurt. He is keeping me on his health insurance. He is putting it in writing.

I want his family to be angry and turn against him. But, they still think he is wonderful. He is still so caring and wonderful. This must be really hard for him, blah, blah, blah. HIM! HIM! What about how hard it is for me? The one that has no choice but to accept this asshole decision of ending our marriage because the asshole doesn’t want to be married anymore? How can his family still think he is such a kind, considerate, caring, man?

How Natural is Capri Sun?

So, today I called the company number from the Capri Sun Lemonade pouch because I threw the main box away and I needed to know if it iwas gluten safe.  It had a few ingredients on the pouch but very few and just because something is “all natural” really tells me nothing.  After all, “Wheat” is “all natural” and that is what I cannot have.

Anyway, so, I talk to a Customer Service Rep whom I think said her name was Lori and she asks me for the bar code #.  I’d already told her I threw the main box away but I tell her again and she says, “Well, that’s a problem since the ingredients are listed on the box.” She goes on to say that their products are mainly gluten-free but cannot be guaranteed gluten-free because they are made in a facility that processes wheat and other items that contain gluten; so she recommends if anyone has a gluten allergy or sensitivity to throw the product away.  I’m like, “What?, I don’t have the box and you don’t have a list of the ingredients in this product of Lemonade?”  (That didn’t make sense to me at all.) and she says, “No, because of the date on the batch. You need the ingredients of the specific date of the batches.”  Needless to say, after that call, I did not throw the Lemonade away (I had like 9 pouches left, but I did give them to a neighbor after asking if her children drank the stuff.

I do find it very odd that the ingredients may be different depending on the date of the batches.  I just think the Customer Service girl was going by the information on the internet which was the same thing I did, and did not have the box handy..in which case. She was no real help at all.  Needless to say, if you are gluten-intolerant or gluten-sensitive. I would stay away from that stuff.

Fergetfulness Can Be Funny

I really should stay away from Petco because I alway’s wind up buying teats and toys my babies don’t really need while I’m there.  I used the gift card my friend gave me but I still bought extra toys that we really didn’t need although my fur-babies love (of course) and my old, dog insisted on treats so what could I do?

On another note, I think I am losing my mind.  What else is new?  I really thought the housekeepers had gone and cleaned inside a few of the drawers when here, but, then I checked with my husband and he said that the adult drawer (which I’d questioned) was the same as he always kept it, which makes me think; maybe I am the one that hid my diary so they wouldn’t find it and maybe I am the one that folded my clothes in the other drawer a while back when sorting them and forgot.  It is possible.  Sometimes, when my headaches increase, or a lot is on my mind, or I eat the wrong foods and gluten reactions hit; I do weird things and completely forget.

It’s to bad because the suspicion of a Housekeeper finding our adult porn drawer was rather funny, I’ll admit.  I even asked my husband if he was sure he didn’t hear anything that sounded like a vacuum but wasn’t.  HA!

Unfair Bells and the End Of The World

I just read in the news that the bells are going to ring 26 times for the victims of the Connecticut shooting.  Not 27.  They are not counting Nancy Lanza, the mother of the shooter as a victim as part of the bell ringing.  People have mixed feelings about her because she had the guns in the house which were used to shoot the children and she taught Adam how to use them.    Okay, wait,  This isn’t fair, in my opinion.  She did not tell Adam to shoot anyone and she sure as heck did not ask  or tell Adam to shoot her in the face while she was sleeping.  Nancy Lanza was just as much a victim in this case as anyone else.

I understand some parents have hard feelings and don’t want her funeral service or name near that of their children who perished; but not even to have a bell ring in her memory?  Is that even the Christian thing to do!  Someone made a comment to that article that churches are being hypocritical in participating with only 26 rings of the bell and I agree.  Are churches not to support and encompass all without prejudice?  Just as God’s love encompasses all.  I won’t get into preaching or my beliefs or even my feelings on Adam Lanza.  However:  This is my opinion when it comes to the victims.  In my head and in my prayers, there will  be a special bell ringing for Nancy Lanza at 9:30 a.m. today.

Also, Let’s get into the topic of the end of the world, shall we?  Seriously, do you really think today is the end?  Good grief, how many times have we been through this?  That dorky pastor guy kept telling us it was the end and people stockpiled food and gave all their money away and we are still here.  Now you are worried because some group made a calendar and ran out of room or something?  As a Christian, I believe the Lord is not telling us when he is coming back and that is the end of the world.  It isn’t when some calendar runs out or some Yahoo makes up a date.  Plus, if the end of the world were today, why are people still Christmas shopping and cleaning their houses and living life normally?  Wouldn’t people be having orgies, or cheating on each other, or in church praying, or doing drugs, or going skydiving or, I don’t know doing whatever it is you’ve alway’s dreamed of doing on your last day on earth?  Seriously?      

My View on Organized Religion

I was raised Roman Catholic and there were a few things they taught I always questioned..like Purgatory. Iin the Bible, there is a verse about separating the Sheep from the Goats: it was never suggested putting them into 3 groups for one group to repent or be decided later, Confession was another one that was a bit confusing..only because when I was young I had to think of things to confess.  I’m not perfect but I wasn’t the type to steal things and I didn’t usually lie to my mother so if  copying someone’s paper was a sin that’s what I would confess  Then we have types of sins.  Types of sins?  Where in the Bible, are there types of sins?  Someone please point these things out.  I have read the entire Bible.  (It took me 3 years.)  The Catholic church believes there are two types of sins..Mortal and Venial.  Mortal would be knowing what  you are doing is wrong and doing it anyway and Venial would mean not knowing what you are doing is breaking a commandment.    Another problem I had with a belief of the Catholic Church was Communion.  I’ve alway’s believed in The Last Supper, however, I could never grasp the concept that I was actually eating the body and blood of Christ.  To me it was alway’s a reminder of that night.  To me, the Priest is not a Magician and we are not Cannibals.  No matter how much my mother (or others) tried to convince me, it never registered, Plus, the money from the collections should be used to help others not for new air-conditioning, seats, etc.  I don’t know why but that alway’s bugged me..  But, what really made me leave that church/religion was when I was in the Youth Group and the church preached over and over again how sex before marriage was wrong, wrong, wrong.  Then, the popular girl in the youth group got pregnant by the popular guy and everyone got happy for her and threw her a baby shower.  People like me were still ignored.  People like me who didn’t do wrong.  People like me who followed the rules.

Later on I changed to the Baptist Church.  They seemed like a really nice group of people.  They were friendly,  it wasn’t a stand up, sit down, follow what is in this book type church. it was more interactive.  they even believed  communion to be a symbol of the last supper, however… they believe even if you think something wrong you can go to Hell;  they believe everyone on Earth is a Saint.  That can’t be true.., I learned a song and a prayer which part of it says; “all the Angels and Saints, and to you my brothers and sisters…”),   Problems…they don’t believe in regular rock music and they think Satan is going to jump out of  my Halloween decorations, plus, they become clicky and talk behind the backs of others and they jumped on the bandwagon like the Catholic Church.  You need to be here Every Sunday.

Nobody tells me where I need to be every week!

Needless to say, I am pretty much done with organized religion.  Yes, I am a Christian.  A Christian is a Follower-of-Christ.  I read my Bible and I’ve found sermons on the t.v. and the internet.  I’ve considered attending a service or two at a Non-Denominational church nearby but I don’t think I will join anywhere again.

How Are You..The Question

maybe it was the day you had your first period, or the day you had your first break-up, or the day you won your first award, or the day you graduated from high school or even the day  you turned 21 and became an “Adult.”  Remember the day?

You had changed and you thought everyone had noticed but, they hadn’t.  Instead, they asked you the question; the clerk said, “How are you?”  They don’t want to know.  Not really.  Oh, if it’s good like the high school graduation..they may say “That’s wonderful, Congratulations!” but that would be it before greeting their next customer.  But if it’s bad they don’t want to know.  So you avoid their eyes when answering the question,  “Fine.” You answer.  But, you’re not fine.  Inside you want to scream.  “What’s wrong with you?  The world as I know it is ending.  Don’t you care?  I am numb.  I am nauseated.  I feel as if this is one big, bad, dream and I will wake up.”  So, your glad they don’t engage you in any more conversation as they finish the transaction and you go on your way.

Changing The Good Boys

Before I get back to my dating stories, and I will,..I wanted to talk about the affects of dating.

I believe everyone you’ve dated has an affect on you and your life in some way.  Some people and experiences can affect you much more than others.

It has come to my attention that one of my exes has chosen another sexual path to follow..to put it plainly..has become Gay.  I must say, this bothers me quite a bit.  It does not matter when I dated this man, the fact that I dated someone who has chosen this path makes me wonder what part I may have had in his decision.  It also makes me wonder how a woman gets over finding out her husband was secretly Gay all along?  I’ve heard of that before many times now in this day and age.

Another ex (we were both Virgins when we met) who was not the partier and quite straight-laced, if you know what I mean..got involved with strippers and I was informed also got into the party scene (I am not sure about drugs) after we broke up.  Is it possible that my goodness drove him to his badness?  Is it possible that my boring, normal way of life was not enough for him which is why he went that direction?

With the many ‘bad boys’ I’ve dated, I’m surprised I married the ‘nice one.’

 

Types of ‘Fashionista’s’

You know the runway models on t.v and in the magazines?  You know those outrageous outfits they wear that are supposedly in style?  Some of which you dream of owning, actually believing you could wear..somewhere?  Now, let’s think about your friends and family..how many people do you know that have actually worn any of those fashion model outfits?  I can give you my answer without hands.  ZERO!  Honestly, I have never seen any of my friends walking down the street wearing a feather boa scarf or  camel skin tights.  What?  You saw your friend Fred wear the balloon pants once?  That’s great, but did he spend $900.00 on them like the model?..I didn’t think so.  It just isn’t reality.  Plus,

Do any of those models have zits on their faces or extra weight in their rears, or big tummies or thunder thighs?  Who are those clothes really selling to?

Okay, so let’s talk about stores also.  When asking my friends where they buy their clothes, many will say, “I got it at Ross.”..Yeah, like the commercial or “There’s a great thrift shop, boutique, vintage store at…”  some will even say, “I went to the Goodwill or I found this online site.”  Most people don’t spend too much for clothes.

I was in the doctor’s office not to long ago on on a day when it was over 100 degree’s and in walked a sales girl wearing a black suit dressed to the hilt with jewelry and everything.  She didn’t look like she was sweating at all but she made me hotter than I already was looking at her in her black.  I made a complimentary comment on her outfit and she actually said, “Thanks, I’m a Maxinista.”  I smiled and we sort of laughed at that and I’m thinking  a Whatta Whatta?  just knowing I would have to go look it up on the internet when I got home…which I did.

Maxinista…someone who buys everything from TJ-Max and follows TJ-Max Fashion Trends.  Maxinista?  Really?  So, if you buy everything from Ross..would that make you a Rossinista?  For those of us that buy most everything online; why not call us Onlineista or Internetista? although that 2nd one sounds a bit to sexual.  Heck if you go to K-Mart, you could be a Kmartista.just put Ista on the end of everything and we could have a new trend.

Anyway, I was thinking as the girl flipped her hair and fixed her make-up in the waiting room across from me.  I have never been much into fashion,  My mother alway’s bought everything on sale so we didn’t stay up with the trends.  I was comfortable in my  long shorts and my cat t-shirt.  That’s who I am.  Most of my shirts have some sort of slogan and 80% have a cat motif of some sort.  I don’t dress to impress guys.  I dress to be comfortable.  From what I’ve gathered in reading blogs and talking to friends..most women nowadays agree with me.  However, if a guy were to walk into a room and see a girl wearing long shorts and cat t-shirt verses Miss Maxinista on a 100+ degree day, who would he choose to meet first?