Continuous Posting

I used to post once a day. Now I just post when and what I feel. I don’t care how often. If I drive you crazy, you don’t have to read. It’s therapeutic.

Today.

Today, I put the shower curtain up. I could not do the Shower Curtain Rod by myself. I had to call the maintenance guy and ask him to come. I actually heard him pound on it. So, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t as simple as everyone described. Anyway, as I was getting neck cramps snapping those stupid shower rings over the rod and through the curtain; I could not help wondering for the umpteenth time just what my husband is thinking. Why the hell would he give up a wife who cleaned up after him, fed him, made his lunch, brought his water to him, rubbed lotion on his feet when they ached; only because he was tired of being married? Why am I being being forced into friendship or letting him go in order for him to figure himself out? This is so NOT FAIR!

People are saying I should not write on here every day anymore or I should write happy things because HE reads this. NO!, I’m not going to change how my life really is because I have a specific reader. Actually, I am going back to generalizing and forget that he reads this. If he wishes to comment like anyone else, I will approve his comments just like everyone else, as well.

Do you ever watch Hoarders or Hoarders Buried Alive? Have you ever heard them say it started when someone left or died and they were devastated so they started shopping? I can’t see that but, I could see the slob part. I’m still not organized. I’m to tired to put it all away yet. (Today is day 6). So, while another box may get emptied..something else may go against a wall..waiting to be put away. It’s a slow process. I am not a slob. I really don’t like disorganization. I will see my counter eventually. But, I also have ADD. It’s hard to see projects to completion.

This wknd with the dog gone, I can focus a bit. I can also get some much needed rest.

The knob broke off my t.v. stand in the bedroom today. It isn’t really a t.v. stand anyway and the knob has been loose forever. I guess I don’t really need one. I can use the sides to open it. I kept the knob just in case.., I discovered the t.v. in the bedroom remote works for everything but Power. So, I have to get up out of bed to turn it on and off. That’s okay. It’s an old t.v. anyway and I remember growing up with a t.v. that didn’t have a remote at all. I used to have to turn the channel for my dad all the time when he was to lazy (whoops, I mean didn’t want to) get up and do it himself. My t.v. in the Living Room is also not the newest of models but it works and I am happy. I guess to work the dvd and Wii, I have to plug them in the front panel separately. Supposedly, I can use the remote for them then but they have their own remotes, so it doesn’t matter. HE offered to buy me a better t.v. but I don’t want a better t.v.

I want HIM to miss me and to love me again. I want HIM to honestly think about what he is doing and what he wants in life and what consequences this has already brought from his decision. I want HIM to re-consider the meaning of our marriage vows and the reason he fell in love with me in the first place and go to counseling by himself, if necessary before we go together. I’ve already started and am going back next week.

There was no texting from him today and when the phone buzzed earlier, I jumped. So, it is the first quiet and sad day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep with memories and pain, and I know tonight will be a replay. I will have to get used to this for a while.

These words go through my head over and over…

If You Love Something
Set It Free
If It Comes Back To You
It’s Yours
If It Doesn’t
It WAs Never Meant to Be

I’ve Set Him Free,, now who knows what is to be?

Oh yeah..and lastly, my lunch date for tomorrow has been canceled. My friend is sick.

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He Comes Home Today

My husband is coming home today and as expected, I got nothing done this wknd except laundry and working on my book a bit. It was a Smother’s Day Movie Marathon on Channel 150-Time Warner, so I did watch quite a few movies and I didn’t go anywhere due to not just energy/headache reasons; but also the fact that my transmission is slipping and I would really prefer my husband be local, should anything happen.

My husband forwarded a picture of his Mom and his Aunt so I could see them. It is sad how much weight his Aunt has gained. She used to be big before but… plus, her hair is so short, it is not attractive. I think she lost it big time when her mother died recently.

One thing I learned from the picture, (actually I knew this) if you are a large woman, I don’t recommend wearing splashes of color. At least in this case, it made her look like a Circus Tent.

Anyway, I guess it’s a cleaning frenzy today to see what I get accomplished before my Hero returns.

Watching A Hunger Show While Eating- So Wrong

Yesterday, I was watching a ‘Feed The Children.’ program and I got hungry, so I took a break and made dinner and ate it while watching the rest of the show. This seems like a sin. These shows are showing starving people in other countries but its talking about food, so it made me hungry. Plus, it showed rice. Seriously wrong, I know.

I wonder if I hadn’t been born sickly and if I didn’t have all these health issues..just what I might have been in the long run? I’ve always wondered if I could have been one of those people who worked and lived in one of those countries or in a Mission somewhere serving people in need. I could see myself living with or near the homeless and destitute, and offering food and clothing and hope.

Sometimes, I wonder what my purpose really is.

Today is Mother’s Day, My Mother-In-Law’s Birthday, and our 12th Anniversary!

My mother has been deceased for the last 3 years, and I think I’ve decided to pretty much stay away from the Facebook posts about Mother’s Day and the WordPress ones also. I called my Mother-In-Law and wished her a Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day, and as for my Anniversary; this is the first one a part.

Different Mind-Set & Phone Book Done

I am doing two posts today at least, because this one is on my mind.

I wanted to clarify something about me and my husband. My husband and I have a great relationship. We are not attached at the hip like most couples and I am actually glad he got some time away.

However, it is a different mind-set knowing the reason he is gone. I hope this makes sense. When he is gone on a work trip or out with his buddies somewhere, I don’t feel at a loss a much. This was a vacation that we had both planned to celebrate our Anniversary and his mother’s Birthday. Of course, this is also our yearly trip. I chose a good reason not to go this time. (I woke up with a terrible headache this morning which is increasing.)

It is a bit unnerving to be alone in this house, when he is so far away. It is 1300 sq. feet which seems big. I do get comfort in knowing I have my Watch-Dog and cat with me. I look forward to moving to a Mobile-Home community where I would feel safer in these situations. I don’t know why. Maybe because neighbors houses are closer so you can call for help and also because when I am feeling well; I could walk to the pool and/or clubhouse or whatever. Plus, even though my husband wants more square footage in the next place; the way a Mobile Home is built, it does not feel bigger. They all feel more compact. I think if you take a room away. It just helps with the smaller area feeling.

Anyway, yesterday, I spent the entire day updating our new phone-book. I’d ordered it last year, I think, or maybe the beginning of this one. Both, my husband and I got tired of the old one falling apart and having scraps of paper with numbers falling out. I also watched television all day which probably isn’t good for a headache sufferer but there were some good movies on.

I think I may use this as a log of what I accomplish while he is gone.

*Don’t forget today is the Stamp-Out-Hunger-Food-Drive. If every household left 1 can of food, it would really make a difference in the lives of others.

Explosive News Coverage and Children

Let me start this by saying my prayers go out to the families of those that lost love ones in the Boston Explosions yesterday, as well as, to those that were injured and survived the mess.

That being said,  after watching the same coverage like four times because all my television programs had been taken over,  I decided to play Bingo on Facebook which is my way of relaxing.  Now, for those of you who don’t know…Bingo has an area for conversation where most people say “Good luck”, “Well done.” and maybe “This game sucks today.”  Yesterday, a few of the players had turned the conversation area into a discussion about the news in Boston.  I don’t want to hear/read about that when I am playing Bingo.  It was distracting.  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch this comment, “And there were children there. The day is supposed to be fun for children.”

As you can guess this comment touched a nerve.  Here is why:

This was before they knew that a child was one of the victims (not that the timing makes a difference.)

Why does a child being at the event make it any worse then an adult?  Look at it this way, with enough therapy, a child might get over the trauma (should they become traumatized by what happened)  and the adult may never get over it.  The event in question was not aimed toward children.  This was a Marathon with adults running in a race.  Just because a child was in the audience and happened to witness the bombing or explosion or whatever does not make the situation worse then anyone else witnessing it or the adult who sat right next to the explosion as it occurred, in my opinion.

Before you start busting me again for my feelings on children (No, I don’t hate children!)  If something like this happened in a McDonald’s Play-Yard or a Children’s Fun Zone of sorts or somewhere deliberately aimed toward children, then I can completely understand when you reference the children.

I am very sorry for the young child that lost their life in the explosions.  However, I do hope that is not the only person we hear about in the news.

I guess there was also an Earthquake on the border of Pakistan.  I pray for all the innocent people who lost relatives or were part of that situation as well

I Vote For The Elusive Deer

My Nephew-in-Law is going to be on T.V.  He is a Hunter.

As you all know, I am the complete, opposite direction however, I’m sure some of you believe in hunting so you may wish to watch this episode plus, there is a vote at the end.  I have included the written preview of the show but I don’t know how to include the link to the video.

Unfortunately, I watched the video preview because my sister said it was safe for me to watch.  It wasn’t.

“Swat team members, avid hunters, and brothers Regan and Ryan McCarthy scale the steep mountains of Arizona in pursuit of record-book couse deer. Be sure to check out this all new episode April 18 exclusively on the Sportsman Channel. — with Regan McCarthy and 2 others at Arizona.”

Outlander

The Sportsman Channel

April 18th

5:30 Pacific Time (I think)

go to outlandertv.com for more info.

A Show I Won’t Watch & Why I Am Flexitarian

Last night I watched a show with my husband about people who live in Alaska;. ‘The Alaskan Frontier’ or something.  They live with no electricity or gas, no plumbing or water and hunt, fish and grow their own food.  My husband made the comment that he would love to live like that.  Not true.  He loves his T.V. to much, plus, he pays to have a Gardener.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know how I feel about hunting for food.  I don’t agree with it.  Unless, these people are paid to live the way they do and told to hunt to keep the animal population down (which they aren’t) there is no reason for it.  I had to fast forward parts of it.  I don’t care if they use the entire animal or not.  To watch a father take his young son out rabbit hunting or to kill his first deer makes me sick.  My husband says, “What else can they do?  There are no stores there.”  That’s their choice.  Maybe have meat flown in from stores somewhere?  I don’t know.  But, I have no sympathy for those people during the Winter months.  How about become Vegetarians if you choose to live that way?  Why kill innocent animals because you choose to save money?  Needless to say, that is one show I am not watching again.

I have relatives that hunt as well.  I’ve talked about this before.  Hunting really bothers me.   I don’t know how my Niece puts up with it.  She says she doesn’t agree with it, yet, she has to support her husband who is an avid hunter.  He brought down a large Elk and even won an award, I think.  Plus, they are raising their children in the same direction.  I hate giving the children stuffed animals now because I am afraid they will want to shoot them.  I am just so opposite in that way.

Before you get into the fact of, how do you think we get our meat?  I am well aware of it but… unless you are in the business of supplying the supermarket chains, or you are in the olden days without the supermarkets, or you are in another country and starving and have nothing (another Country, not Alaska, that is a state.), I don’t agree with it and won’t agree with it.  This is one of the issues I feel strongly about and one main reason I am a Flexitarian.

True Stories-

When I was young, my father used to eat Pickled Pigs Feet.  They seriously looked like little, feet.  For the longest time, I could not figure out what happened to the rest of the pig and I wondered why dad didn’t feel really guilty.  I imagined pigs on their bellies in the mud with no feet.  It took a while to sink in that other meat was made from the rest of the pig.  Sad.

One night, my mother made Lamb for dinner, it looked disgusting.  I took a piece of my lamb and moved it around my plate saying, “Baa, Baa, “Baa.” so my mother or dad told me to “Stop playing with your food.” “Okay.” Then, I started singing, “Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow.” Dad looked at me, “Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”  Dad said, “That’s not Mary’s lamb.” and I asked, “How do you know?”  To this day, I don’t  know if I ate Mary’s Lamb for dinner.  What a terrible song, nursery rhyme, whatever for a child if they are eating lamb.  Go a head, finish the whole rhyme.  Lambs are really nice.

What about pigs.  Your eating Wilber from Charlotte’s Web.  Now, don’t you feel bad?  and don’t get me started on horses, or cows?  I’m sure I could come up with tons of nursery rhymes, children’s stories, etc. for any animal you decide to put on your plate at the dinner table to make you re-think what you really wish to feed yourself and your little ones.

Why I Could Never Be A Hoarder

I used to have a friend that was a Hoarder before the word became a term.  She was raised that way.  My mother, on the other hand, raised us like we lived in some model home.  We even had a Living Room we were not allowed to use except on occasions and when company came to visit and two antique chairs that mom kept the plastic covers on.  I remember constantly asking her why it was called a “Living Room” if we weren’t allowed to use it for Living.

Anyway, forward to now.  I am not the best housekeeper.  As a matter of fact, I hate doing it.  I know..I know.. I am supposed to have pride in my house and all that and I do keep it presentable for the most part.  But, we live in the house.  One thing I could never understand and still don’t is why we have to quickly rush around and sweep, vacuum, dust, shove things in closets, etc. before someone comes over.  Sheesh, haven’t they seen how I live before?  Why do we alway’s have to put on some display for the public or friends to make them think we are someone we aren’t; just so they will continue to accept us?  (More of that topic in another post, maybe.)

Anyway, I love the shows ‘Hoarding’ and ‘Hoarding-Buried Alive’.  I think it’s sad and ridiculous when the authorities make the residents leave the same night they visit; after the people have been living in their hoard/filth/whatever for years.  What’s a few more nights while you set the date up to start cleaning?

From watching those shows and from visiting my ex-friend, I have come to the conclusion that I could never be a Hoarder.

The first reason is:

I Hate Bugs!  If I saw a Cockroach in my house.  I would freak out.  Those things are nasty. (I lived in an apartment once that had those..next door to a Hoarder but there’s another post some day.  Hey.look post ideas are coming with this one.) I freak out at a Spider in my bathtub or on the floor and if it touches one of my things.  I don’t think so!

The Second Reason is:  I can’t leave things in the middle of the floor to long.  Unless it is in a room I don’t use, it drives me crazy.  I get nuts when my husband leaves newspaper on the floor after reading them and I wind up picking them up.  I can’t imagine living in a house and walking on things that should not be walked on.  Plus, what about my poor animals?  My cat and dog don’t want to be sliding and falling on stuff all over the place.

Thirdly- The Bathroom!  The smells!  Oh my gosh, When people hoard so much and their bills get so high that their water gets shut off..No, Thank You.  Just the smells of myself in the restroom are sometimes enough to drive me out..not to mention those of my husband.  I am constantly telling him to use air freshener.  Most of the Hoarders are becoming insensitive to smell.  I don’t even like the idea of having to do a stool sample for the doctor.

Finally, I love to give to people.  Yes, I know, some Hoarders also give to people.  But, they dumpster dive or they buy things with the intent to give to people and never do.  I put boxes together for fire, earthquake, etc. victims and I also make bags for the homeless.  So, a lot of times, I will put my unwanted clothes and maybe a few other items in those boxes for someone else to enjoy.  I donate my unwanted books to the local library usually and take things to the Goodwill for the tax write-off.  In this economy, the Goodwill seems to be the new mall from what I saw of the parking lot.

I also like the philosophy, ‘Out With The Old, In With the New.”

I do feel sorry for some of the people on the Hoarders shows that really don’t want the help.  The ones that are being forced by their families to clean up their houses (not forced by the city but by the family), the few that don’t have bugs and feces around the house, and it isn’t affecting their children or animals who live in the home.  In my mind, it’s their house and if their hoard  is limited to the inside and isn’t bothering anybody outside, let them live the way they want.  Make them clear a path for an emergency crew but that should be it.

 

My Strange Addiction

No, this is not about the television show and no, I am not going on it and telling a relative or a friend.  Yes, a relative and a friend will read this post, I’m sure.  No, I am not going to see some doctor so they can check my levels and say “Well, if you keep doing this, you could clog up your arteries or your blood cholesterol could get all high” or whatever.  But this is my personal, strange addiction.  Do you have one?

I love Butter!  When I was young, my mother used to constantly catch me with my fingers in the butter.  And, it doesn’t have to be Butter.  Margarine does well too.  I am learning which ones taste better than others.  For example:  Country Crock tastes like a Salt Lick (not that I’ve tasted one of those) but I swear it tastes of pure salt, whereas Whipped Butter which is made of Cream and Salt has a yogurt type consistency and has the salty undertone but is mainly cream and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is really good.

Before you get grossed out at the thought of coming to my house for dinner; I want you to know we have two containers of Butter or Margarine.  One for me and one for my husband/guests.  No, not because I like to put my fingers in it..actually, I’ve grown up a bit now.  If I catch myself doing that; I go back over it with a spoon to fix the contamination.  Yes, I still eat separate spoonfuls of Butter or Margarine which I don’t add to my diet record.  Shhh.  My secret.  And my cholesterol levels are fine. Thank You. Probably because most of the Margarine I use has No Cholesterol.  I have two tubs of Butter or Margarine because certain types of Margarine have been bothering my stomach and being gluten-free; I am starting to buy my own type just for me.   I do need to start buying unsalted Butter or Margarine if I can find it.  Maybe the margarine with Canola Oil would be better since I don’t want another kidney stone.

The point is that if there were a contest for eating a stick or a small container of Butter or Margarine (choice of the contestant)  in say half hour or 20 minutes for like MONEY! I believe, I would WIN!!  That’s how much I love Butter.  And, I would not get sick.

My Mental Timer

Do you ever watch the show; ‘Chopped’?  I love that show.

I tend to do the dishes at night before going to bed and sometimes I just start get tired or day-dream and lose track of time so the water runs and runs as I do them by hand.  Well, since watching Chopped, I’ve been timing myself on the dishes and it’s been working.  I look at the dishes I have to do and I look at the clock before hearing the announcer’s voice in my head saying, “You have 25 minutes on the clock and your time starts….Now!” and I will get those dishes done.”  Usually, before the time runs out.  The time includes rinsing out the dog dish and the coffee-pot.

Chopped has become a mental timer for dishwashing.

To bad  I can’t use it as a mental timer for my time on the computer. Ha, Ha.