“He’s Abandoned Me..Love Don’t Live Here Anymore”

I knew I was in trouble today when I started looking up Gluten-Free Alcohol on the internee. I don’t drink anymore due to all my meds and haven’t in over a year. So, instead I had another crying attack and took a Xanax. Every day. Every day, I need one Xanax. Just one. My one a day happy pill. If that’s a horrible addition, to bad. At this time, I need it. Sometimes, it gets terrible. Sometimes, I want God to take me away. Sometimes I want to wake up from this horrible, awful nightmare and I want my husband back.

We bought furniture today. We also bought a refrigerator. No, he bought furniture today and refrigerator that I picked out. Then, I went to Target and got more stuff. Moving is expensive. Over $800.00 today alone. Wednesday, I actually sign the lease, the change of address card has been put in, the utilities are scheduled to start, the moving truck and furniture delivery is scheduled for Friday. Furniture arrangement is being discussed, cable options are being looked into, every room in the house is being gone through meticulously. Keep this.. Sell this..This is his. My Nightmare Dream is getting closer.

The diarrhea continues, I’m getting nauseated, I eat on auto-pilot, I can hardly sleep. He says he doesn’t love me anymore. I want to shake him. “Do something! Love Me Again!” “Stop this Sh It! I don’t want to do this. I want to crawl into a ball and cry or die or sleep.

And, that’s the only excuse now. “I just don’t love you anymore. I told you we could live as friends, but you don’t want to do that.” NO! I don’t want to do that. This isn’t t.v. I don’t want a roommate situation. I want a husband and wife relationship. Most every time you run out of something.. you get a refill of the same thing but it sounds like the refills are up too.

Good-Night
I’ll be in touch soon.