Health & Home

Wow, It seems like I haven’t posted in forever but that’s what happens when your stomach revolts from medication. So I went to the doctor with my usual sinus infection thing as my regular doctor wasn’t in. It sucked because my regular doc would have just called in Z-Pak and I probably would not have even had to see him. Anyway, this one puts me on Bactrim and Bactrim gave me diarrhea so bad that I was going all day and night. I swear, I think I lost another 2 pounds. This is not good. Needless to say, after 3 or so days of that crap (literally), I decide to quit that entirely. I called the doctor who suggested taking one more but I told her NO. The sinus infection is 90% better, and yesterday without the Bactrim, my body finally started to heal. Ugh.

It’s funny. I walk around this apartment complex and sometimes I glance in the windows of the other apartments and I think, Wow, people have really made their places homey. But, then I remember. THEY LIVE HERE!

This isn’t a vacation. WE LIVE HERE. FIREPIE, PETEY AND I. It is not going to just end and we are not going to go back to our lives before; Back to the family that we were when I was a wife and the animals would run to the door when their “daddy” would come home. My place is not homey because I have not put any pictures up at all. In my mind, I do not “live” here. This is not our home.

I remember a time before when we got to this point in the relationship and HE had said HE might want to separate temporarily and I had agreed to move out then. We had set the time for about 3-6 months or so. HE was going to stay in the house that time. I had gotten to the point of packing boxes. Somehow, in my mind, I did not think it was really over then..and it wasn’t. HE went to counseling before changing his mind. But, this time? You know the story.

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Life Moments

It’s been a sleepy last few days. Even the dog seems to sleep extra. The Bactrim seems to be working for the infection or whatever I am recovering from. Yep, another wknd of the same crap I got in May which was one of the main reasons I could not go to Vegas for our Anniversary.

The dog and I are on a semi-schedule now. I take him for walks 3-4 times a day. Short walks. Just around the front of the complex area. Last night, a bunch of children wanted to pet him but he really had to go potty so it was not the best time.

The Ginger Root came which I am going to try for my Migraines but I think I am going to wait. I have plans on Sunday and I was up all night in the restroom. I am not sure if that is good to take with an antibiotic and if that was the cause of my stomach issues last night, it’s probably best to wait until after Sunday anyway and try again.

Funny story about this apartment. This complex is very quiet. However, I live directly across the walkway from a family with 5 children, one of which is a baby. That baby can scream! Well, since it’s been hot, they tend to keep the screen closed and their glass door open. Last night, I heard them having sex and suddenly I heard the baby scream. Good. Made them stop that. I didn’t want to hear that either. Usually, crying babies annoy me, but good for you Baby, you make them knock that off or close the doors and turn on the air conditioner. Sheesh.

My Apartment Living Problems & Observations

I told Petey (and myself) I would never leave and abandon him when things got hard like HE did. However, I really am at a loss. I’m out at all hours of the morning and night walking him as he refuses to use the patio. Last night, I put his leash on and walked for an hour up and down the patio and he still held it. He won’t even urinate on the patio. Something about the smells, I guess. If I don’t find the answer soon, I will have to give Petey back to HIM and let HIM deal with it. Then, HE will have the responsibility of finding somewhere that has grass if he doesn’t keep the house. However, I haven’t actually made that decision yet. I am still seeking a solution. At least I am taking Petey to visit with HIM over the wknd so I can get some rest with only Firepie here. I know if that does happen, then I will wish I had moved closer to where my friends are because with only Fire; I could have found quite a few closer apartments, but, the rent is already paid in advance for 9 months and there is a penalty if you leave early. This is what HE was afraid of. But, we are still only separated in the talking sense so it makes mores sense to just stay here verses moving again right away anyway. I chose the 9 months so we could both figure things out. Nothing is figured out. Right now, I need to figure out the dog situation and the fact that due to this situation, I am getting absolutely no sleep.

When I moved into this apartment, it was being renovated. Now, there are some shoe scuff marks. I wear tennis shoes. So, I have to try to work on that today.

I haven’t really met my neighbors although I’ve talked to one (or a friend of one) and said Hi to a few. I’ve also observed how a few live. One neighbor above me runs the dishwasher or washing machine every night. Some apartments have washer/dryers (mine doesn’t) and some don’t, the neighbors across from me have a child, I think. I think the same neighbor is a Mexican woman who parks her car next to mine and speaks Spanish while talking on her cell phone and throwing trash on the ground. I talked to one gentlemen who warned me about parking inside the gate and told me to make sure you have a permit because he was towed after only 3 hours. Guests need to park outside or have a Visitors Pass to park inside Visitors Parking.

When I’m out early in the morning walking Petey, I can see people in business uniforms leaving their apartments going off to work.

9:16 a.m.- I just ordered a Dog Potty. It has fake grass on top and leaks into a pan. This better work. It’s basically a dog litter box. He mainly needs to use it at night and early morning or when I’m sick. But, now I get more responsibility of emptying the pan when he goes. Oh well, I’m not the one who didn’t want responsibility. I am just tired and stressed. Plus, Petey is barking at the gardeners. I’m trying to break him of that. It’s hard. He did this at home. He doesn’t like them near our house. I started yelling at him this morning. I can’t yell at him. We are in an apartment. A new place. New gardeners. New smells. I’m a bad mother.

First Post From My New World

I’m writing this in the Business Office of my new apartment complex where we get free Wifi/computer while feeling sick to my stomach. The move was tough. I still want this to be like Oz and I want to wake up back to my marriage, back when my husband loved me and we were a couple and stable. There is no real explanation for any of it. It’s a nice complex and the animals are slowly adjusting.
Mind you, it’s only been two nights. Two nights of tears and physical and mental pain like I can’t believe.

Yesterday, I stopped at the house to get the last of it. He wasn’t supposed to see me but he did. He showed me a Humming Birds nest in the backyard and I started to cry, The Humming Bird actually sat on the nest with her babies. I won’t get to watch them hatch.

I can’t hang onto his 2% chance that he may find this the worst idea he ever made. This cannot be up to him. But, I love the man so damn much. He was supposed to be my soul mate for better or worse not for just 12 years.

My internet gets hooked up tomorrow so I will be back then.

New UnWanted Chapter Begins Today

Two weeks ago, I was a Housewife feeling a bit depressed over the fact that I was not going on my Anniversary trip to Vegas due to headache pain, however, knowing it was the best choice.

Today, I am signing the Lease for the apartment and entering it as my own for the first time.

Today, I am starting a new life chapter I never wanted to start.

I pray for strength as I go alone again.

*Computer will be unhooked tomorrow. May not be back until next week due to moving. May go to computer room, may not. Don’t worry, I will be back soon though. I really appreciate this blog.

With Or Without Him

When I am with him, I am okay. Because he acts as if nothing has changed. We are friendly to each other. I can’t fight with him. There is no reason to. I don’t know why I still buy him food and do his laundry. Yes, I do because the mindset is not here yet. However: the packing goes on. We will be separating but without legal separation papers at first because that costs money and as he said, “If we do that; we may as well just get the divorce.” but, we can’t get the divorce due to medical insurance.” At least, not yet. Maybe in 9 months, he will have had a raise or maybe I will know where/if I am going. I may like the apartment so much; I’ll want to keep renting.

I think my headaches have decreased a bit because he is still here. It has only semi-hit. Like a compact car verses a big-rig. However, my stomach is in knots big time. Crazy diarrhea. I thought it was my diet which could play a factor as I was just starting to keep track again like I was supposed to, but it’s a combination of everything, I think. I know stress can play havoc on your body.

I am praying to hear from the apartments today with the approval of everything and the actual date finalized. In actuality, we only paid for the credit check. They are doing a thorough background investigation. In the meantime, there was a 2nd apartment that was perfect as far as location, amenities and square footage. They had said one would be available on the 8th or sooner. If they called tomorrow and said one was available; I may change my mind due to location purposes. But, they won’t. They aren’t even listed online anymore. This is stress talking. This is so freaky going to a new place, being in limbo and not knowing when, knowing I am going on my own,

I just took the dog to the vet a few days ago but I think I may have to take him again. He seem to be whining and curling himself up which he does when he back starts to bother him, plus, he is scooting and needs an anal express. The vet know the situation, I’m in. Maybe they can just give him some hydrocortisone without an office visit. They’ve done it before.

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