My Blog and Emotions

My last post brought an extreme reaction from a friend and at first I took it to mean I lost said friend. However, after talking to my sister, she made me realize I am to emotional to receive comments from people at present. Makes sense. Anything I read/hear is just not being taken the way it is being sent. It’s not necessarily that it is not what I do or don’t want to hear; maybe it is that I just cannot hear it NOW. At least I just talked to said friend on the phone to make sure all was clear with us. I also decided not to update regarding the marriage issue on Facebook anymore for the same reason. However:

My blog is what it is: My space to blog my feelings..so this will continue:

Since I don’t know most of you and those I do know have different names (most of you), this will still be a emotional, venting, crying, place. I hope that is okay.

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To Post or Not To Post

This blog is all true.  I don’t use real names to protect the people involved and to protect myself as I will always’ be terrified of the possibility of an ex finding me through this site.  It’s my thing and the way it is.  Plus, for some reason, I find it safer without real names.

I posted a post a while back titled, “Back To School #6”  The story put me in a bit of a bad light after reading it in print and definitely did not feel the same as the day it happened.  As a matter of fact, I had a feeling it may offend some..although I was not worried about the party involved in the incident as he and I are friendly now..however; I was in doubt of keeping the story published.  I wasn’t sure though, so I waited.  When I hadn’t heard feedback for a bit, I figured maybe it had flown under the radar…until:

I received a comment from a Very, Good friend of mine who told me she was a bit upset upon reading that story/post I had written.  She said it made her sad.  Had I kept the story and added her comment; I felt it would have made me look & feel worse than the original post & story already did.  So, I have deleted that entire entry.  I guess you could say her comment helped me make the final decision on that one.

Usually, when I don’t hear feedback, I change the title or add different tags or whatever to draw people, but that time I really didn’t want to draw people.  I guess I wanted it to fade into oblivion without judgement.

WordPress will almost always have judgement in one way or another be it from yourself or from the public.  Have you ever changed your mind on a post after posting?  How do you seriously make that decision of whether to let it go or stay?

Becoming A Recluse

(Sing to the tune of “Where Have All The Flowers Gone”)..I don’t know why it is double-spaced but it won’t let me fix it.

“Where have all the comments gone?

Long time passing

Where have all the comments gone

Long time ago…”

Hmm, So is my blog getting boring?  It is called “Strange and Unhealthy Life” so forgive me if my sickness bores you.  It actually bores me too.  Then again, I guess boring isn’t the word for it.  It isn’t really boring when your on the toilet time and time again writhing in agony from your Stomach or Hemorrhoids or Skin Tags or you’re in bed almost screaming in pain while waiting for your migraine meds to work.

It is really cold out so I am staying warm in the house.  I like my house and I hate the cold anyway.  I think I am becoming a Recluse with how much I like staying in my house.  I am not depressed like I was where I had to force myself to go out.  I just don’t want to..unless there’s a reason.  I have most everything here.  I even shop from home.  Except groceries and prescriptions which I pick-up from Walgreen’s which is right around the corner.  Why leave? when I can stay home with my animals?  I’ve even found some super cool church websites on the computer and a religious  t.v. show On-Demand.

Speaking of church, I’ve noticed I haven’t heard from anyone in the new church I had been going to.  Obviously nobody cares that I am no longer attending.  Pastor used to call when I’d missed more than 2 weeks.  Ever since our Halloween debate, things have changed.  Who knows what they are saying about me since I’ve gone.  I had noticed they gossip about those who have left.

 It’s funny but I’m reading a book my friend gave me for Christmas titled, ‘Tired of Trying to Measure Up.’  by Jeff VanVonderen and originally when she gave it to me, I thought she was crazy and I wouldn’t like it; but it has a chapter that is really fitting in and making sense now.  The chapter is talking about shame-based systems and how you can be raised in a shame- based system as well as how some churches have shame-based systems, and I think I have been in both of those situations on different levels.  I have also been in quite a few relationship shame-based systems.  With what I am seeing of society and the way people act toward one another..it’s no wonder I am starting to prefer becoming a Recluse.

Hey, what does LOL really stand for..Laugh-Out-Loud or Lot’s-Of-Laughs.  I’ve alway’s wondered.  Not that it really matters.  It’s silly anyway but I’ve alway’s preferred it to mean Lot’s-Of-Laugh’s.