Continuous Posting

I used to post once a day. Now I just post when and what I feel. I don’t care how often. If I drive you crazy, you don’t have to read. It’s therapeutic.

Today.

Today, I put the shower curtain up. I could not do the Shower Curtain Rod by myself. I had to call the maintenance guy and ask him to come. I actually heard him pound on it. So, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t as simple as everyone described. Anyway, as I was getting neck cramps snapping those stupid shower rings over the rod and through the curtain; I could not help wondering for the umpteenth time just what my husband is thinking. Why the hell would he give up a wife who cleaned up after him, fed him, made his lunch, brought his water to him, rubbed lotion on his feet when they ached; only because he was tired of being married? Why am I being being forced into friendship or letting him go in order for him to figure himself out? This is so NOT FAIR!

People are saying I should not write on here every day anymore or I should write happy things because HE reads this. NO!, I’m not going to change how my life really is because I have a specific reader. Actually, I am going back to generalizing and forget that he reads this. If he wishes to comment like anyone else, I will approve his comments just like everyone else, as well.

Do you ever watch Hoarders or Hoarders Buried Alive? Have you ever heard them say it started when someone left or died and they were devastated so they started shopping? I can’t see that but, I could see the slob part. I’m still not organized. I’m to tired to put it all away yet. (Today is day 6). So, while another box may get emptied..something else may go against a wall..waiting to be put away. It’s a slow process. I am not a slob. I really don’t like disorganization. I will see my counter eventually. But, I also have ADD. It’s hard to see projects to completion.

This wknd with the dog gone, I can focus a bit. I can also get some much needed rest.

The knob broke off my t.v. stand in the bedroom today. It isn’t really a t.v. stand anyway and the knob has been loose forever. I guess I don’t really need one. I can use the sides to open it. I kept the knob just in case.., I discovered the t.v. in the bedroom remote works for everything but Power. So, I have to get up out of bed to turn it on and off. That’s okay. It’s an old t.v. anyway and I remember growing up with a t.v. that didn’t have a remote at all. I used to have to turn the channel for my dad all the time when he was to lazy (whoops, I mean didn’t want to) get up and do it himself. My t.v. in the Living Room is also not the newest of models but it works and I am happy. I guess to work the dvd and Wii, I have to plug them in the front panel separately. Supposedly, I can use the remote for them then but they have their own remotes, so it doesn’t matter. HE offered to buy me a better t.v. but I don’t want a better t.v.

I want HIM to miss me and to love me again. I want HIM to honestly think about what he is doing and what he wants in life and what consequences this has already brought from his decision. I want HIM to re-consider the meaning of our marriage vows and the reason he fell in love with me in the first place and go to counseling by himself, if necessary before we go together. I’ve already started and am going back next week.

There was no texting from him today and when the phone buzzed earlier, I jumped. So, it is the first quiet and sad day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep with memories and pain, and I know tonight will be a replay. I will have to get used to this for a while.

These words go through my head over and over…

If You Love Something
Set It Free
If It Comes Back To You
It’s Yours
If It Doesn’t
It WAs Never Meant to Be

I’ve Set Him Free,, now who knows what is to be?

Oh yeah..and lastly, my lunch date for tomorrow has been canceled. My friend is sick.

Advertisements

My Blog and Emotions

My last post brought an extreme reaction from a friend and at first I took it to mean I lost said friend. However, after talking to my sister, she made me realize I am to emotional to receive comments from people at present. Makes sense. Anything I read/hear is just not being taken the way it is being sent. It’s not necessarily that it is not what I do or don’t want to hear; maybe it is that I just cannot hear it NOW. At least I just talked to said friend on the phone to make sure all was clear with us. I also decided not to update regarding the marriage issue on Facebook anymore for the same reason. However:

My blog is what it is: My space to blog my feelings..so this will continue:

Since I don’t know most of you and those I do know have different names (most of you), this will still be a emotional, venting, crying, place. I hope that is okay.

Financial & Paying For Blog?.Your Advice

I won something from e-Bay the other day. (Oh, the excitement!) It was actually the 80’s work-out outfit I told you about in my post about 80’s fashion.  Anyway, so I just had to pay as they so nicely remind me.  I click the little Pay-Pal button since that’s the only, safe way to pay.  They keep telling you that too..those silly “they”..Pay Pal People..although it may not be.  I mean, Pay-Pal People are real and how do we know all those people are real honest.  Do they all have background checks or something?  Anyone who works in the financial industry should get a background check first, in my opinion.  But, I digress.  Anyway, so I hit the button but instead of confirmation.. I get some message saying my Pay-Pal Account needs to be verified or needs to be linked to my bank account or some such nonsense because it won’t take my payment.  WHAT?  No, I am not giving you Pay-Pal people my social security number and I do not want to link you to my checking account.  I use a separate credit card for pay-pal and I pay it on time.  What is going on with e-Bay?  So, I call up Customer Service.  Luckily, it’s only like a minute wait.

Imagine when the Customer service guy, we will call him Jon, since he said that was his name, tells me this:  “You have been with us 6 years.  We have a limit you can spend and in your case it was $8,771.77.  It has nothing to do with paying your credit-card bill.  That is completely different.  You need to get verified by linking your account to your checking account or get a free, Pay-Pal Credit Card.”  He did let me pay for the work-out outfit, while I decided what to do.

First I did the math (before I or my husband had a heart attack) 6 years at $8,771,77 total = $1,461.96 year =$121.83 month  which really isn’t to bad.  Then, I had to really think about it.   I do get some really good deals on e-Bay and it mainly takes Pay-Pal.  So, I opted for the Pay-Pal Credit Card but I only used my Disability Income as income so my limit is low.  Of course, this will be my monthly limit.  I still spend less than the total limit amount a month anyway, according to my calculations, so I should be okay and like my husband said if we want to buy anything higher; we could use his Pay-Pal account.

But, here’s the ting.  I feel after 6 years; I am being penalized for being a good Pay-Pal Customer!  We should be rewarded, not forced to be linking our accounts and giving information we don’t want to give.  Just like a credit card, we should have our limits raiseed; not have lifetime limits forced upon us without our knowledge.

So: now I have a question on the same yet different topic:  Let’s talk about WordPress and free blog sites.  I love my blog.  It is another addiction.  I am on the free level.  What happens when I run out of room?  I’ve  considered paying the $18.00 a year but I want to hear from others that do it?  What exactly changes?  Is it true, my blog will definitely stay here as mine?  I don’t want to spend the money and be cut off for some reason.  I really want to hear from people that are using the pay option before making a decision.  

I appreciate any look forward to any and all responses (minus weird spam ones that have nothing to do with anything) and I thank you for reading my blogs.

Blog Keeps Rolling and Rolling and Rolling

Some of you Readers and Faithful Follower (or even unfaithful ones..but that’s a whole nother topic) may have noticed I’ve changed my Blogroll at the side of my blog.  I mean, the list is still there but you may notice a few different blog titles then you’re used to.  “Why”  You ask?, I’m so glad you asked.  You see, I do not just Like blogs.  That is not possible for me.  I can Like a comment but I would almost rather comment back to a comment verses Liking a comment..unless it is a joke..in which case..it’s perfectly okay to like the comment; or unless you are commenting to someone elses comment.  That could also turn into a joke.  But..I digress.  Where was I?  Like?  Post?  Blog?  Oh yeah,  I cannot simply Like a blog.  I want to know more about you and why I’ve gotten so attracted, drawn, led over, pushed, subliminally swept toward.. arrived at your blog in the first place.  Liking it isn’t going to get me there, so I will more than likely become a Follower.  Here’s the thing;  With that philosophy; I am and will be following way to many blogs to put them all on my Blog Roll ..or even a Sesame Seed Bun..So, I just add blogs to my Reader and periodically update my BlogRoll with new blogs. 

For those of you no longer on my Blogroll, don’t despair.  Your blog did not go in the Blog Dumpster.  It has not gone to Blog Infinity and beyond.  It is actually in my Reader.  And, I’m most sure it will rise up again onto that Blogroll when you least expect it.  And you’ll go, “Wow, she loves me again?  I’ve impressed her.”  or maybe you’ll say, “Whatever, you stupid ______ (insert word there), it’s about time you add me back.”  In which case, I’m glad I can’t hear you in real life because that could cause for a Blogroll Ban. 

I’ve decided to switch the Blogroll up a bit.  Maybe make a Blog Sandwich of sorts…or a BlogStew.  Blog Hummus?  Hmm.    Anyway, so periodically (no I did not say when I had a period.  Don’t be disgusting plus, if you’ve been following; you know that would mean never. ) I said periodically which means once in a while.  I will switch up my BlogRoll and keep things interesting. 

There are a few reasons for this strategy.  One.. I get to read,meet,experience new blogs and the lives of others and 

                                                                              Two.. Should I ever get nominated for some award and need to pass the award nomination or whatever on to someone else. (Sometimes they want you to make a list of blogs that should get the award.) I will have lots of options.