Losing Weight..Bad Way For Me

If you’re looking for a few ways to lose weight, I have some. Separate from your husband of 12 years unexpectedly. During that time, cry almost every day and don’t eat meals when you are supposed to. It won’t be hard because you won’t be hungry. Your body will give you headaches and other pains, you will take pills for that pain and if you aren’t moving things around or focusing on something like the television to take your mind off reality, your trying to sleep without dreaming; which only works with drugs. As time goes on; your clothes start to become loose.

Within the last four weeks, I have lost four pounds. Yesterday, I noticed how loose my clothes were becoming so I bought some candy realizing I need those extra calories throughout the day. I just got on the scale this morning. I know I need to start eating again at regular intervals, as well as snacking. I also know I need to start tracking my food again. Stress is terrible for everyone’s immune systems but mine especially because of my disease and kidney transplant.

It will be a solid month on Friday since this occurred. That means I will have 8 more months in this apartment. Friday will mark a solid month of tears and lack of sleep and wonder and pain of what went wrong in my 12 year marriage to a man who loved me (I thought and believed) when we walked down that wedding aisle and said his vows in front of all our friends and family. The same day I sang his favorite song to him at the wedding reception, “I’ll Always Love You.” by Olivia Newton-John.

I am supposed to be drinking one Ensure Plus every day for dietary purposes. I may up that to two for a bit. I need to gain weight. I don’t care if I am eating candy. I know I need to eat more. I cannot wither away and make myself sick. My cat needs me, if nobody else does. I do have friends that still care about me.

Today, I will start again to get back on track physically. I will eat even if I’m not hungry. I may even start tracking my food again. I can’t do this to myself. If I do this to myself and my body, I will have let him win and proved that he was right, that I NEED someone to take care of me. Which I Don’t. I just need to get my emotions in check and start taking care of myself again. As the weight comes off, reality hits and it ain’t a pretty picture!

Spam Types

When I was much younger (before I became a Flexitarian) I used to like SPAM.  My mother would mix it with mayo and put it in sandwiches for my lunch at school.  I also used to bring Avocado and Mayo with Cream-Cheese and maybe some Walnuts.  I still like those sandwiches.  Needless to say, nobody wanted to trade lunches with me.    Anyway, Now that I know the ingredients of SPAM or enough about it, I definitely don’t eat it anymore.  My father used to eat a lot of it while on the ship when in the Marine Corps and called it S _ _ t- on a Shingle.  One more positive on Spam though was the Dr. Demento song.  If I knew how and could find it, I would post it for you.  But I’m not that technologically advanced .

But: this brings me to today’s blog  topic:

Not the canned SPAM I’ve been talking about: but the SPAM comments I and everyone else who has a blog receives.  Good Gravy, some are just ridiculous.  “Your writing is amazing.  I’ve been looking for it for a long time.  It is just what I was looking for.  I will keep follow.”  What?  You were looking for a post about pain and headaches?  That’s amazing writing to you.  You obviously don’t read much.  You will keep follow.  You don’t write much either.  Please don’t keep follow.  Nope..Your deleted.  Next.

“My brother told me to see your website and I am glad he did.  I will be new Follower.”  This almost sounded legit the first time.  Apparently, peoples brothers are really passing the word around.  However, without further info, I am not impressed.  So sorry, but I don’t trust you or your brother.  Delete…Next

“We have started a small group of writers to write topics like you.  If you would like to join us, please click this link.”  No, No, I am not clicking your link nor joining your probably spammy, non-legit group.  Delete.  One more.

“Click my pics”  Naked Chics.com  Delete! Delete! Delete!  No explanation needed.

How Natural is Capri Sun?

So, today I called the company number from the Capri Sun Lemonade pouch because I threw the main box away and I needed to know if it iwas gluten safe.  It had a few ingredients on the pouch but very few and just because something is “all natural” really tells me nothing.  After all, “Wheat” is “all natural” and that is what I cannot have.

Anyway, so, I talk to a Customer Service Rep whom I think said her name was Lori and she asks me for the bar code #.  I’d already told her I threw the main box away but I tell her again and she says, “Well, that’s a problem since the ingredients are listed on the box.” She goes on to say that their products are mainly gluten-free but cannot be guaranteed gluten-free because they are made in a facility that processes wheat and other items that contain gluten; so she recommends if anyone has a gluten allergy or sensitivity to throw the product away.  I’m like, “What?, I don’t have the box and you don’t have a list of the ingredients in this product of Lemonade?”  (That didn’t make sense to me at all.) and she says, “No, because of the date on the batch. You need the ingredients of the specific date of the batches.”  Needless to say, after that call, I did not throw the Lemonade away (I had like 9 pouches left, but I did give them to a neighbor after asking if her children drank the stuff.

I do find it very odd that the ingredients may be different depending on the date of the batches.  I just think the Customer Service girl was going by the information on the internet which was the same thing I did, and did not have the box handy..in which case. She was no real help at all.  Needless to say, if you are gluten-intolerant or gluten-sensitive. I would stay away from that stuff.

A Rant For Real Sickness

I just read a blog that was a bit disturbing to me.  One of those blogs that went on about.. “You have a choice.  You choose to be healthy.”  Blah, Blah, Blah.”  Okay, Blogwriter Person, since I am not going to name your Blog or you because that would be rude and I didn’t leave a comment.  It doesn’t really matter because there are many people out there that believe the same thing. ” It’s your decision to get up every day.  Just fight through the pain.”

Were you people born with rare disease issues that have weird side-effects that keep us sick in one way or another?  When you have head or stomach pain to the point that you are vomiting and can only pray for that pill to take the pain away and you can barely move your head or handle noise..can you seriously tell me you are out running a marathon or doing your yoga or Eating a STEAK?  Plus, seriously, “Eat Like A Lion?”  Give me a break.  I don’t care what the Cavemen did.  They may not have had our ailments but they did not have our weather with the pollution and cars, etc to deal with either.  Their meat came straight from the animals and their vegetables came straight from the ground.  No sprays on those vegetables to keep them fresh.  My system cannot handle wheat and I do not believe in eating animals.  Plus, everybody’s body is different so the same diet does not work for everyone.

Back to my questions to people with this belief or philosophy, is my choice of waking up saying I am going to be healthy today going to get my body healed soon so I will not have to have a hysterectomy?  It hasn’t worked so far.  And, it’s funny because on Friday, I tried to make that choice when I had to do the treadmill test without caffeine and my headache pain was so bad; I could not go through with it.  I was vomiting and my husband had to pick me up from the hospital and take me home.

It’s a great idea in theory, but it doesn’t work for those of us who are seriously ill with Real sickness.

This reminds me of when I was in school and could never pass  a test because I had test-anxiety.  Nobody ever caught that and I failed almost EVERY test.  I pretty much passed all my classes with homework and extra credit.  I could study for hours and I would still fail the test.  Just say the word, “Test” and I would blank out.  If I believed your philosophy.  I could just believe I would pass the test and I would be able to pass.  Guess what?  I tried that once.  Still failed.

Being chronically ill, I get tired of people with this belief/philosophy.

I don’t mean or try (as a matter of fact, I try not to) to complain about my health all the time.  But, this blog is to update friends, family and strangers about my life especially the health aspect, so I don’t have to keep repeating it.  I have a lot of health issues which I Can’t Help without doctors and pills or shots, or whatever.  I am helping myself in getting help from others.

Bad Restaurant Review A Head

Yesterday, I went to Coco’s for lunch with a friend.  Remember, I am Gluten Intolerant.  I asked the woman who sat us if  they had a food list for people who were gluten-free as I had seen a list on the internet and had forgotten to print it and take it with me.  She said she would check.  When she finally came back, she said they didn’t have anything like that.  When I asked to speak to the manager, she said she was the manager.  What?  If she was the manager, she would not have had to check.  Then, the server showed up.  Now, there was a note on the bottom of the Coco’s menu that said, if you are gluten-free or have questions, (something like that), ask your server.  I talked to the server and he was rude.  I don’t know where he was from.  But, he was like, “I’ve worked here over 23 years and I’ve never heard of that.  Just read the menu.”  I finally remembered the website saying I could have mashed potato’s.  I did confirm with the server what was in them and what they were cooked in so I had a side of those.  While eating, I looked up the website and found the list at Coco’sRestaurantandBakery.com so on the way out, I told the server in case they wanted to keep it on hand for next time.  He gave me a really dirty look and said, “You just read the menu.” 
Needless to say, this Coco’s is getting a really bad Yelp review from me.     

Whining on WordPress

Please be thankful for what you have be it a roof over your head, a working car, a bag of food, one arm, or even just the ability to use the retroom without pain.

Forgive me as I need to whine and vent a bit in this one.  It is so sad and a bit embarrassing  to be practically crying while in the restroom doing my business because it feels as if I am passing knives thanks to these fissures/hemmhroids.  You would think I had already had surgery and was breaking stitches with the pain I am in every time I go.  I know I need to eat fiberous foods and drink more water but I dread doing so because then I just go more often and the cycle continues.  I can barely sit comfortably and had to order myself a pillow for home to sit on.  I barely want to go anywhere when I feel well enough.  Luckily, in Vegas I could sit on a chair and not move for a bit.  It’s sad to look forwrd to seeing the specialist (Again) so this time I can beg for step 2 which is Botox.the step before surgery.  Obviously, the cream she gave me is not working.  I can barely even touch the area to apply it without pain and sometimes I think my whole ass cheek area becomes inflamed and does not want to open to let anything out.  Plus, to make my life more enjoyable…  (read with Sarcasm, please.) with the change in diet while in Vegas and back here I have been having accidents unknowingly (duh, they are accidents) in the middle of the night.  What a lovely thing to wake up to.  I am so glad my husband and I have separate rooms.  I am so glad I have such a patient and understanding husband.

Anyway, please remember there is alway’s someone worse off then you.  I know there are many people worse off then me.  I also know there are many people going through the same experiences.

But Yes, I do want to feel sorry for myself a bit now.  I want this to be over with.  I want to walk and crap like a normal person again without pain.  I think I did that before..I barely remember.  I want Botox, I want Surgery, I want Pain Pills.  I want anything it takes to stop all this stuff.  I don’t want pity but I do want understanding if at all possible.

I do feel a little better having written it all out.

My Weight Options

Well, I’m gaining weight again so I took myself shopping.  I totally needs shorts and a new swimsuit.  I want a Tankini.  Originally, I wanted one with a skirt attached but now I think I’m better with shorts.  I tried a skirt one on and I actually looked like a Tug-Boat.  Really Sad.  Even more sad.  After 5 or more hours of shopping (or I should say “walking around”) I came home with nothing.  Most things made me look pregnant and some things wouldn’t fit over my butt if I wanted them too (which I obviously did)).  I found one pair of shorts that were possible until I looked at the price tag.  I really don’t want to pay $21.00 for a pair of shorts.

Plus, the styles these day…have you seen them?  I am a 47-year-old woman!  I don’t wear ripped jeans.  I throw my jeans away when they get all ripped.  I prefer my shorts to be long.  Hey, my butt may hang out of those anyway but at least not as much; and if you think I am getting in a regular Bikini again, you’ve gotta be kidding me.  On some, they make the tops (and bottoms) with strings that can be untied.  You would think I could  trust people not to pull the string when in the pool but  some of my old friends get wild.  “Whoops, where did the top go?”  “Uh..No, I’m not playing that.”  We won’t even discuss the possible bottom string adventures.  Then, we have the jeans.  You think I am going to fit my flabby body into “Skinny Jeans.”  I don’t think so.

Heck, I had a Kidney Transplant and I am eating Gluten-Free.  Despite what you may think..Gluten-Free does not alway’s help you lose weight. I also have to keep my calories up and my protein at a certain level and since most Gluten-Free is very low-protein I wind up eating quite a bit of food to reach my goal.

Anyway, I have two main options.

I can either:

Start exercising again and try to stick with it.  This is the tougher one but probably the best one health-wise as, it would be good for my bones too.


Gain more weight until I fit into a decent size  where they have more clothing options.  I am sort of in the middle of sizes now and it is very annoying.

Doc Update and Other Things

I need to find a non-stick saute pan with a lid.  I bought a saute pan with a lid that is not non-stick and the first thing it did was made my  food burn and stick to the pan.  Can we say Annoying!!!

My theory came true but not because I mentioned it.  I got a really bad headache last night and had to take my strong medicine.  I think it was because of my mental day on Wed.  A lot of times when my brain acts up; I pay for it later.    I am praying I am not getting sick today though because I woke up feeling like crap.  I shouldn’t be to surprised because while at the hospital, people were coughing, sneezing, etc. and I still have my wonderful immune system.

I saw my Gastro yesterday and he said the main way to confirm I have Celiac would be a biopsy but the biopsy would not come out correctly unless I stopped eating gluten for a while which I am not going to do.  Plus, if the biopsy came out positive the treatment would be to go on a total, gluten-free diet which I’m doing anyway so we may as well just things alone.  I just term myself Celiac and live this way.    It’s easier to say I am; then to say I have a wheat intolerance.  I don’t know about Rye or Barley anyway.  It’ s not something I’ve really tested on my system.

My Gastro also checked my Anal Skin Tags.  Luckily, it was quick and he didn’t have to use the invasive tool because he can SEE them.  He confirmed they are Skin Tags and gave me a new cream to try out, plus he said if this doesn’t work he will refer me to a surgeon.  Please pray it works..

Today is the B-Day of someone I am not in contact with.  She is 7.  I don’t know if I can wish her a Happy Birthday on Facebook or not.  If her father announces it,  I suppose I will wish her one in the comments section.  This will be the first year ever that I did not get her a birthday present.  She will alway’s be in my thoughts.

Finding What Doctors Couldn’t?

I’ve had Colonoscopy’s, I’ve had Endoscopy’s.  I’ve been tested for Celiac Disease and told I was negative.  I’ve been poked and prodded to no avail.  I’ve felt like I was going to die while in the restroom, I’ve had accidents like a child (or an old person) while literally running down the hall to make it to the restroom in time, I’ve felt bloated, when I’ve gassed..I’ve been paranoid it was going to lead to more verses just a bit of wind.

Then, last Monday.  I made a decision.  I got tired of doctors doing nothing.  Despite the warnings of not trying this experiment on your own, I cut out all wheat products.  Oh my Gosh,  I can gas without an accident, I am not cramping, I am not running down the hall.  I am not in the restroom for half hour dying in agony.  I still go a bit but my body isn’t used to so many vegetables yet.  I miss a few of my favorites (yeah, I really like Top Ramen) but I am getting used to the taste of Gluten-Free Pasta.  I am looking forward to my next doctor appointment and sharing this with my doctors.

I must admit it is hard to find take-outs I can go to at present.

But my Cousins’ wife sent me a link as she abides by this diet as well and I do enjoy trying the new foods I am finding.

Sometimes, we can do so much better for ourselves than our doctors can.

A Vegetarian That Cannot Eat Salad?

I am a Flexitarian…which means I am a Semi-Vegetarian or one who rarely eats meat.  I am on a low-protein diet with my disease and I eat a lot of starches.  For us, that is good.  I prefer a Veggie Dog to a regular Hot Dog most of the time however some restaurant chains do not have those therefore I will have All-Beef.  Lately, I’ve discovered when eating salads and fruit my stomach goes on revolt.  How can one be a Vegetarian or even a Flexitarian without salads or fruit?  I’ll eat them anyway knowing I will be paying for it, just as I know on the days I go over my protein allotment I will be paying for it.  Such is my life of stomach discontentment.   

Aside from the fact that I cannot have much protein being the reason I am a Flexitarian, I really do not believe in the eating of animals here in the U.S.  We have so much food here with so many options.  We are no longer Cave Dwellers who need to hunt for our food.  The earth provides so much and it is healthy.  I do not force my belief on others.  My husband is a definite Carnivore and we actually have different shelves of the refrigerator.  I just wanted to share/explain my reasoning for my choice.

I also buy non-animal-tested products as often as possible. 

Can you tell I am an Animal rights person?  However, I will never go so far as to throw mud at Fur Coats or get stupid or non-sensical as that.  That is ridiculous.  The coats are already made and it does nothing to save anyone or anything.

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