Whining on WordPress

Please be thankful for what you have be it a roof over your head, a working car, a bag of food, one arm, or even just the ability to use the retroom without pain.

Forgive me as I need to whine and vent a bit in this one.  It is so sad and a bit embarrassing  to be practically crying while in the restroom doing my business because it feels as if I am passing knives thanks to these fissures/hemmhroids.  You would think I had already had surgery and was breaking stitches with the pain I am in every time I go.  I know I need to eat fiberous foods and drink more water but I dread doing so because then I just go more often and the cycle continues.  I can barely sit comfortably and had to order myself a pillow for home to sit on.  I barely want to go anywhere when I feel well enough.  Luckily, in Vegas I could sit on a chair and not move for a bit.  It’s sad to look forwrd to seeing the specialist (Again) so this time I can beg for step 2 which is Botox.the step before surgery.  Obviously, the cream she gave me is not working.  I can barely even touch the area to apply it without pain and sometimes I think my whole ass cheek area becomes inflamed and does not want to open to let anything out.  Plus, to make my life more enjoyable…  (read with Sarcasm, please.) with the change in diet while in Vegas and back here I have been having accidents unknowingly (duh, they are accidents) in the middle of the night.  What a lovely thing to wake up to.  I am so glad my husband and I have separate rooms.  I am so glad I have such a patient and understanding husband.

Anyway, please remember there is alway’s someone worse off then you.  I know there are many people worse off then me.  I also know there are many people going through the same experiences.

But Yes, I do want to feel sorry for myself a bit now.  I want this to be over with.  I want to walk and crap like a normal person again without pain.  I think I did that before..I barely remember.  I want Botox, I want Surgery, I want Pain Pills.  I want anything it takes to stop all this stuff.  I don’t want pity but I do want understanding if at all possible.

I do feel a little better having written it all out.

Changing Into My Husband

I need to start exercising again so I tried the StationeryBicycle last night which was a terrible idea.  Even though I sat on a towel.. with these terrible anal skin tag things, I thought I wa going to die.  I am still burning and am just surprised my whole ass isn’t burning off.

They say when you get a transplant of pretty much any kind apparently, you can take on the characteristics of the person who donated the kidney to you.  I believe that has happened with the qualities of my husband who was my donor.  I am starting to agree with him in some aspects in the way he feels about children,  I have been watching more sports,  I have become less social..  It’s scary how much more like him I am becoming. Aalthough I cannot see myself adapting a lot of that lame guy sense of humor any time soon…that’s for sure.


Not Hemorrhoids?

So, I saw my Nephrologist  today and since he wasn’t busy he actually listened to what I had to say and did a thorough check-up.  Surprise..Surprise.  He told me I don’t have Hemorrhoids and my Skin Tags are really small and should not be giving me any real problems. (I hate it when doctors say things like that.  What do they know?  They don’t have my body.)  However, I do have Rectal or Anal (whatever) Fissures..at least one that we know of which is a cut (like a Paper-Cut) inside the rectum which is probably why I am in so much pain.  He is prescribing some cream and gel

My favorite Thrift Shop is right down the street from there so I made a drop off at their donation center after the appointment.  I am really proud of myself.  I think this is one the first times I went to the drop-off center alone and did not go to the thrift store afterword.  It wasn’t for stomach reasons at that moment as more of there was nothing I needed plus they are having a sale next week not this one.

New Year but Old Health

I can finally say my cold is starting to get better and tomorrow I plan to go to the store and do an exchange finally.
I am suffering stupid Hemorrhoids/Skin Tags again and may call the other specialist this week.

I’ve just discovered I’ve been eating way to many foods lately that cause gas so that is something else I am going to have to work on I guess…  Monitoring that. 


Nightmare Doc Appointment

So, I saw the doctor yesterday for my Hemorrhoids.  What a nightmare!  I waited almost 2 hours for the doctor to tell me I am not a candidate for surgery and to bag on me about the pain as well as to say I mainly have Skin Tags down there.  I swear, I told him I have pain just using the restroom and he still jams this tool in my rectum that spins and as I’m practically crying for him to take it out says, “if you can’t handle this; you definitely wouldn’t be able to handle surgery.”  When I said, “Well, Wouldn’t I be asleep?” he goes, “Not during recovery.  We can’t keep you asleep forever.”  He said even with surgery the Hemorrhoids will still come back and I guess most of mine have shrunk anyway but I guess I have quite a few Skin Tags back there and they will just grow with age because he is not going to cut them off.  When I asked him, what I am going to do about this pain and if it will ever go away..he goes, “I can’t answer that.”  His only advice was to use suppositories that don’t have Cortisone and use Baby Wipes instead of Toilet Paper.  One of  his assistant girls told me to take lots of  warm baths which I enjoy anyway.   This  doctor is really not a specialist in this.  However, he does a lot of  Laparoscopic and other surgery and deals with many patients who suffer from Hemorrhroids. 

 My husband’s boss apparently has had surgery for this so if I don’t feel better soon I may try to get into see his Colorectal Specialist or whatever the title is (the one that did his Hemorrhoid surgery) and get another opinion.  In the meantime, I continue to suffer but I use Baby Wipes which I throw in paper bags in the trash verse T/P. as often as possible.  A bit gross. 

 I feel like I should be one of those Hoarder people I see on t.v. all the time.  But wait, then I may as well be just throwing the bags in the living room after filling them up.  lol

Feeling Better & Future Exercise Option

I am starting to feel a bit better although the cough is hanging on.  I definitely got enough sleep this wknd.  Luckily, it was more of a super bad Cold then a Sinus Infection this time. 

I need to get going on decorating the inside of this house and finish shopping.  I should be completely done but there are those last few I’ve discovered I’ve missed as I was wrapping packages not to mention I have to finish wrapping packages to get them ready and mailed by next week probably.

My husband broke the main pipe of the Jacuzzi yesterday and decided to get trid of the Jacuzzi and join a Gym instead which is fine because I have a Jacuzzi Bathtub.  I, myself, cannot even consider joining a Gym until after I see a specialist about my Hemorrhoids (which is scheduled on the 14th) and get that taken care of and even after that is taken care of, I sincerely doubt I will join the same gym should I join one at all because we just do not have the right types of personalities to be working out together.  He is the type to be making me do things right and in order and in a certain time frame versus letting me do things on my own and going to the gym would not be an enjoyable experience.  Should I ever get comfortable enough to work out in a gym type atmosphere, it would probably be a woman’s only type gym like Curves.


Helping Myself & Others

I went to the Nephrologist and waited an hour and a half before rescheduling.  I’ve waited 3 hours for him before but there were other things I wanted to do today so..

I took a box of things to donate as well of a bag of stuff I had for Toys-For-Tots to a family who had lost their house in a fire.  They haven’t figured out the cause of the fire yet but that damage was massive.  They’ll be lucky to salvage anything except a few toys in the front yard the 5 and 7-year-old boys had.  The poor Cat and Chinchilla? died in the fire.  I left the stuff with a neighbor of theirs in hopes they will be around soon as they are in a hotel somewhere nearby.

I set an appointment with the specialist for my Hemohroids for Dec 14th.  Gotta stop stressing over that one as being nervous is not going to help them any.

Thankful, Vegas & Holidays

Just returned from Vegas and had a great time.  I mainly played the Penny Machines so I didn’t lose to much money but you don’t really go to win.  That would just be an advantage. 

Thanksgiving was quiet.  I didn’t even get dressed.  It was chilly here and we ordered Chicken.  I am not a Turkey person and my husband and I don’t really care what kind of food we eat for the holiday.  I am just thankful we are together and my kidney is still working so I can survive another day.  The same kidney from my husband.

In other health news, my husband took himself to the San Diego Zoo today and I did not go due to my Hemorrhoids.  I had pain in Vegas but a lot of my time was spent playing the machines so sitting down isn’t to bad.  Walking around is another story.  I will be making an appointment with the Specialist soon however I still need to get my stomach re-settled and I was sort of off the last few days as I haven’t figured out quite how to work my new phone yet so I have to plug in my foods now that I ate then.  

Yes, my husband bought me an LJ Optimus V Smartphone as an early B-Day/Christmas Present and my MIL bought me a  Las Vegas Sweatshirt while we were there for my B-Day.  The phone deal is super cool and the plan from Virgin is only $35.00 a month. with unlimited text, e-mail, photo’s and video player + 300 talk minutes.  I also e-mailed my MIL a copy of my Amazon Wish-List so she can get what I really want for Christmas.  I love those Wishlist’s.  I remember for years (even as an adult) I would write a Wish-List for my mother so she would start giving me what I wanted versus what she thought I wanted.  Makes life a lot easier..unless like one relative I have..we give each other funny things each year to see who can top for the funniest.

Scary Surgery Possible

I’m starting to freak out here but maybe by January I will be normal in one respect.  I contacted my doctor and there is no pill for Hemorrhoid’s.  He is going to refer my to a surgeon.  It is completely scary to imagine surgery there.  Although, I’ve had Vaginal Warts before and when I did one stupid doctor had the nerve to imply I was a Prostitute.  Needless to say, I didn’t want to see him again.  Anyway, I’ll need to read up and talk to the surgeon about Hemorrhoid Surgery options, I guess.  It looks like recovery is a lot worse than the surgery itself  but isn’t it always?

I got a lot accomplished yesterday.  I actually vacuumed the entire house including every one of Firpie’s Cat Tree’s including all Hidey Holes in them.  I figure it will help my allergies plus, this way I can give her new Catnip without putting it on top of old crap.

One Good Led To Bad Day

Ugh, I feel like crap today.  Since Sunday I’ve had chills on and off and terrible Migraines.  I had a really good day on Saturday and volunteered at the Food Bank in the morning then we hit the L.A. Fair in the afternoon.  Guess I overdid it.  I’m sure it didn’t help standing in the middle of the smoke from the food smokers which smelled so darn good.  I don’t eat meat but they use those same smokers to roast corn and bake the potato’s.  The fair is huge and we only got to explore the food booths and visit the petting zoo as well as walk through one of the shopping exhibits.  The shopping exhibit was quite crowded and tons of people were coughing and sniffling, etc.  I have a terrible immune system anyway so this really shouldn’t be to much of a surprise.

Other than that, I splurged for some Tuck’s hemorrhoids which seems to be helping a bit.  This is sure lasting a long time though and seems as if it will last forever.  I was just about to write that sometimes I think I will never feel normal again but I guess I’ll have to clarify that by saying that sometimes I think I’ll never feel normal for what used to be normal for me…but I know I will.