Thoughts of Men, Water, and Direction

Yesterday was Father’s Day. I chose not to dwell on that or even think about it really. My Father has been gone since 1995 and God wonders what he would think about this situation I’m in. I used to tell HIM how proud my Father would be that HE was such a good man and so good to me. My father would be so disappointed.

I thought about the men in my life. I haven’t had a lot of positive encounters with men. My brother means well but we are a generation a part and were not raised in the same time period. Our thought processes are much different.

I can’t compare relationships other then to say, they obviously did not work out for one reason or another..most in heartache brought on by the man and my reactions. And now this..

I bought some new water recently. I need to keep drinking a lot of water with my kidney issues, if I want the kidney to continue working correctly. This time I bought Mineral Water, which I love. I wonder if the changing of water type and taste will change the taste of my own tears; at least the salt content? Guess I will find out.

I can finally see the counter in the bathroom as I organize this place. So, that is saying something semi-positive, I guess. Or, at least I can say I am moving in the right direction.

He Gets The Dog and Other Animal Things


Before we got married, HE had dogs and I had cats. We had cat and dog figurines on the wedding cake next to the Bride and Groom and cats and dogs going down the stairs from the top cake to the ground over a fountain; since we only had one Bridesmaid and one Groomsman.

Now we are separated. I slept solid last night after another sob fest. But, I woke up with a clear head and made a solid decision. HE can have his dog. Yes, I love that dog. Yes, I’ve cared for that dog. However, technically it is HIS dog. HE chose the dog. His friends gave us the dog. He has begged for visiting rights/privileges with the dog. Within the last week, I have finally gotten the dog to pee on the patio. PEE on the patio. That is only one part of his business. I used to sleep in until 9 and 10 because the dog had a dog door. I admit, I will miss the dog, but without him, I won’t have to make myself get dressed right away to take him for walks. I won’t have to force myself to stay up and dressed when I don’t want to in order to take him out for his last walk at 9:30 at night.

I spoke to HIM on the phone. HE said he may stay in the house now and can even put a dog door in the sliding glass door since he has already blocked in the other one. HE sounded happy about my decision. He also said he may just stay in the house now until Petey dies and when the 9 months end, he will probably just buy me a mobile home wherever I want.

I won’t tell you other things he said. I won’t tell you things that could take me out of La-La-Land should I choose to believe them. I won’t/can’t throw hope away even if HE wants me to head in that direction. It’s only been a week! Before you say it, I know, it’s probably been more then a week for him. But, it’s only been a week for me. I’m not prepared to accept it as over yet. Not completely. HE announced it a few weeks ago. Look how much changed in a few weeks. We’ve really hardly been a part. The sale is coming up in a few weeks. Couldn’t his feelings change after the sale, sometime? I NEED more then a week to accept even the thought of the possibility of this being final!

So, even though I told my dog I would not leave him. He is with his daddy. I’m sure he will adjust. Physically, the cat and I are adjusting already, and I am actually relieved of the burden.

Speaking of the cat. I am back to being the Crazy Cat Lady. I lived in a 4-Bedroom House where I had a large Coca-Cola collection and my library was my Cat Room. I’ve decided to decorate my apartment with Cat Things only. I kept one or two of my Coke things only because they are unique, but that is it. I have cat pictures, cat clocks, a cat ceiling pull, a cat rug, cat checks, even a cat license plate frame. I always used to say cats came before a man and if I found a man they would have to approve of each other. If I am/go back into the single life. That will stand again. It is Firepie and I alone now to face the world.

You know the license plate frame I should have gotten: “The More I Know of Men: The More I Love My Cat.” I think I’ll get a sign, or a t-shirt, or something. I know I have to watch my spending but that would really cheer me up. Maybe I’ll buy one thing and put other stuff on my Amazon List. Heck, my friends read this. Someone get me something with that saying, Please. My B-Day is in 6 months.

I think I may actually see what I can find and update my Amazon List now.
One of my favorite shirts just got ripped anyway and had to be thrown away.

My Communication Advice To Men


Let’s talk about communication and/or lack of it.  Some of us women really do need you to be honest and blunt at times.  Or, maybe just to get to the point of how you really feel or what it is you really do or don’t want.  Example:

I would like to move to a mobile home community with a clubhouse, pool, etc.  I’ll even consider a Townhouse, Condo community…somewhere that has some sort of acticitivies –  swimming, spa, etc. on the premises.  My husband and I have discussed retiring at Leisure World in Seal Beach however; I would like to experience this sort of place before we retire due to my health issues.

We actually looked at a mobile home recently and he let me give my card to the Realtor and told the Realtor if he found something in our price range, he (my husband) would probably consider it.  Here’s the thing.  It’s been over a week now and the Realtor and I have been in contact over the phone and internet.  He has already sent a pic of one mobile home which did not work out at all due to the space rent, and the 2nd one I inquired on was not in the greatest of parks nor did it fit our park qualifications. The Realtor wanted to talk to me this week about what we wanted in parks and possibly to get together to see a bit of what I liked.  So, we were getting closer.

I sat down with S. (my husband) this morning and had a talk which went something like this:

Me- “I thought you wanted to do this.”

S- “Well, I do but not right now.  We aren’t ready.”

Me- “I know.  Our house isn’t up for sale.  We really don’t have that much to do to it.”

S- “I know. I just am not ready to do it right now.”

Me- “Ok, so do you just want me to tell the Realtor to forget it for now?  Because otherwise, we are going to find something and I am going to beg you for it.”

S.- “Yes, We should probably stop wasting his time.”

Me- “Okay, but we better have this discussion again in the future because if I die before I get in a community like that.  I am going to haunt you, I promise.”

There was more to the conversation but that was the main portion.

Needless to say, I sent the Realtor a nice e-mail explaining the situation and telling him we are keeping his info and will get in touch in the future should our feelings change.

Yes, we will discuss this again.

The thing is.  Every conversation I have had with the Realtor, I have told S. about.  He could have stopped me any time.  I got so excited when he allowed me to give the Realtor my card.  I really thought we were moving in the moving direction.

Guys-If you don’t want to do something such as MOVE.  Don’t let your wives seriously look at places and communicate with a Realtor.  That makes no sense.  And, when she brings up the topic, stop avoiding it like a disease. (he did that like 3x when I said we needed to talk about it.).  It would have been very upsetting had I found the perfect house and then he said he didn’t want or wasn’t ready to move.

Some of us women don’t want to play games.  When we ask you if the dress looks big, you can tell us.  Of course, you should probably know your woman well enough to know if you can answer that question honestly, and be careful how you actually phrase that answer.  It’s better to say, “I think you may want to wear something else” than to say, “Yeah, that makes you look like a Heifer.”  Just saying.

Also, sometimes (rarely) when you ask us what’s wrong and we say “Nothing.” It might really mean Nothing or better yet,  it might mean we don’t want to talk about it.  Here’s a thought, stop talking to us.  Go away and let us cool down, think, cry, whatever we were doing when you asked the question.  If you continue with the questioning, it could go bad.  Sometimes the problems have to do with you and other times they are just hormonal.

It’s sort of like when women ask you what you are thinking about (I don’t know why they ask that, I don’t think I have ever asked my husband that one.) and you say “Nothing.”  Seriously, I’ve learned a lot about the male brain so that doesn’t really surprise me.  No offense intended.

Relationships and Porn

Apparently, my last title for this annoyed some people so I have changed the title.  This is my view on this subject only. It is still the same view so I know I will still get the same objections however, this post is now more generic based.  So, now I guess if I offend can be everyone and not just women.  You have a right to your opinion, but please keep it civil and polite.  Thank-You.

So, my husband came home from work yesterday and announced that he and some work friends were planning on going to a Strip Club today or as he termed it a “Nudie Bar.”  I said, “Good.  What’s the occasion?”  He said, “No occasion.  One of the guys brought it up and I wanted to go.”  I’ve been encouraging him to spend more time with his friends and if that’s what he wants to do once in a while, it doesn’t bother me.  He doesn’t get it from me as often as he should with my health problems and when he goes to those places he just comes home happier.

One of his friends or both were supposed to call him with the time to meet, but, as we waited for the phone to ring, I was informed that one of the men would be lying to his wife as to where he was going, and the other said his wife would probably have a fit about his going but he would still go.  Needless to say..we waited..and waited…and waited…to no avail.  My husband was stood up.  I went to the store (two stores actually) and made sure my husband had some alone time with the computer.

Which bring me to my next point.

Don’t you know there are laws of things that can and cannot be done in those places?  Do you really think your spouse/significant other goes to those places to pick up women/men?  Can you honestly say you never look at another man/woman other than your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend and find them attractive..maybe even more attractive physically then the one you are with?  For the woman, would your husband/boyfriend dancing the way the men do in Chip-N-Dales turn you on as much as the real thing?  and who do you think you are going home with?..the Chip-N-Dales guys won’t give you the time of day.  It’s the same with the Nudie Bar places the guys go in.  What’s the big deal?

I had a friend quite a few years ago who came to me panicking at the thought of her fiance having a Stripper at his Bachelor Party.  They were in a big argument over this and she actually said she did not trust him.  I told her the Stripper was not allowed to do the things she was thinking,  plus, whatever happens at the Bachelor Party was none of her business since it was his last night of his celebrating being single.  She really did not have the best reputation herself.  Needless to say, I do not know how the Bachelor Party ended up but, the marriage took place and has already ended.

Men and Growing Up

It has come to my attention that my 42-year=-old husband still races cars.  When I say races cars, I mean street races his car against others…Not racing cars on tracks.  Now, I know he did this when he was young, I’ve heard the stories but he is 42!  He showed me where he goes.  They usually go early in the morning on a non-busy day and check for the Police first before actually racing.  Today, the race time was 8:30.  I was surprised when I got up at 9:30 and he wasn’t home yet.  By 9:45 I was looking on websites for news of crashes and/or local deaths due to recent street races.  Luckily, he came home around 10 and said the person he was racing against was a no-show and he had gone to breakfast with the friend he had taken as a passenger.  He had also given his friend a ride down the “track”..street.

This post is not about the pro’s or cons of street racing because I know that and so does he.

It is sort of about the fact that men never grow out of the thought that flatulence is funny so they do it all the time (even in the grocery store or at least mine does)and I guess they never grow out of things like street racing or other things that are dangerous.  I guess it is the fact that for most men  it seems; it is really hard for them to “settle down” so now I have to continually worry about his safety despite the fact we have been married 11 years.