Sharing To Much

Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has advice. They may have been through a similar situation but it is NOT the same. They were not married to the same man. They do not have the same disabilities as I. They are not in the same financial situation. One thing I’ve learned from this experience is not to share the finer details anymore about the issues. We are doing things our way. Yes, I said “We.” He is still my husband at the moment. Legally, we are still married. We start divorce proceedings (the paperwork aspect or the consultation or whatever) on Monday. He is supportive in that way and will continue to be. That is nobody’s business but mine!

We looked at apartments all day. We actually signed for one as far as having the credit checked. It is a cute condo. However, the more I’ve been thinking about it. I really want a one-bedroom with a back yard area for the dog. The condo had a front patio only which, would prove awkward for the dog, and it was a bit small.

Emotionally, I contacted my doctor who gave me Xanax to calm down. After one pill, I know it can be addictive. I think I may only need one a day or so. It gets me back on an even keel. I stop crying, I literally float in a euphoric fog. I also sleep. Last night I finally slept over 5 hours straight. It was wonderful!

My thoughts still go in and out as I pack. I’ve accepted it to a point. But, things won’t really hit until I move out which may not be to soon because I am finding it hard to find a one-bedroom that takes pets, with a small yard, in a decent price range. I found one will open up in mid-June. It’s 900 square feet which would be fantastic.

I’m willing to wait, if necessary. I mean..we don’t fight. Especially now I have my Xanax to fall back on. But, a month? I don’t know. The packing?..The acceptance? I am liable to forget just why I am packing at all if I wait to long.

My Communication Advice To Men

Gentlemen:

Let’s talk about communication and/or lack of it.  Some of us women really do need you to be honest and blunt at times.  Or, maybe just to get to the point of how you really feel or what it is you really do or don’t want.  Example:

I would like to move to a mobile home community with a clubhouse, pool, etc.  I’ll even consider a Townhouse, Condo community…somewhere that has some sort of acticitivies –  swimming, spa, etc. on the premises.  My husband and I have discussed retiring at Leisure World in Seal Beach however; I would like to experience this sort of place before we retire due to my health issues.

We actually looked at a mobile home recently and he let me give my card to the Realtor and told the Realtor if he found something in our price range, he (my husband) would probably consider it.  Here’s the thing.  It’s been over a week now and the Realtor and I have been in contact over the phone and internet.  He has already sent a pic of one mobile home which did not work out at all due to the space rent, and the 2nd one I inquired on was not in the greatest of parks nor did it fit our park qualifications. The Realtor wanted to talk to me this week about what we wanted in parks and possibly to get together to see a bit of what I liked.  So, we were getting closer.

I sat down with S. (my husband) this morning and had a talk which went something like this:

Me- “I thought you wanted to do this.”

S- “Well, I do but not right now.  We aren’t ready.”

Me- “I know.  Our house isn’t up for sale.  We really don’t have that much to do to it.”

S- “I know. I just am not ready to do it right now.”

Me- “Ok, so do you just want me to tell the Realtor to forget it for now?  Because otherwise, we are going to find something and I am going to beg you for it.”

S.- “Yes, We should probably stop wasting his time.”

Me- “Okay, but we better have this discussion again in the future because if I die before I get in a community like that.  I am going to haunt you, I promise.”

There was more to the conversation but that was the main portion.

Needless to say, I sent the Realtor a nice e-mail explaining the situation and telling him we are keeping his info and will get in touch in the future should our feelings change.

Yes, we will discuss this again.

The thing is.  Every conversation I have had with the Realtor, I have told S. about.  He could have stopped me any time.  I got so excited when he allowed me to give the Realtor my card.  I really thought we were moving in the moving direction.

Guys-If you don’t want to do something such as MOVE.  Don’t let your wives seriously look at places and communicate with a Realtor.  That makes no sense.  And, when she brings up the topic, stop avoiding it like a disease. (he did that like 3x when I said we needed to talk about it.).  It would have been very upsetting had I found the perfect house and then he said he didn’t want or wasn’t ready to move.

Some of us women don’t want to play games.  When we ask you if the dress looks big, you can tell us.  Of course, you should probably know your woman well enough to know if you can answer that question honestly, and be careful how you actually phrase that answer.  It’s better to say, “I think you may want to wear something else” than to say, “Yeah, that makes you look like a Heifer.”  Just saying.

Also, sometimes (rarely) when you ask us what’s wrong and we say “Nothing.” It might really mean Nothing or better yet,  it might mean we don’t want to talk about it.  Here’s a thought, stop talking to us.  Go away and let us cool down, think, cry, whatever we were doing when you asked the question.  If you continue with the questioning, it could go bad.  Sometimes the problems have to do with you and other times they are just hormonal.

It’s sort of like when women ask you what you are thinking about (I don’t know why they ask that, I don’t think I have ever asked my husband that one.) and you say “Nothing.”  Seriously, I’ve learned a lot about the male brain so that doesn’t really surprise me.  No offense intended.