Home of Broken Heart

I don’t know how to-do this. I don’t know how to not be a friend to the man I love. I don’t know how to not be the wife that I want to be. I don’t know how to be mean or not care. I texted him today. I should NOT do that! As someone pointed out, I have contacted him every day since we parted. But, it’s only been two days. The move was on Friday. I haven’t seen him. Seriously, I don’t know how to do this!

He asked me today for his mothers address since I have the Address Book but then I re-thought it. He can call her. He needs to ask his friends/family for that information. He didn’t/doesn’t want a wife anymore. He said he loves me but isn’t in love with me. That’s lame.

Anyway, my internet and t.v. is connected. Okay, one t.v. is connected. I have to buy a plug thing that holds more then one plug. I had one. I had two. The guy used one and I had the other in my hand but I put it down somewhere and I can’t find it. I looked all over but I don’t know where it is. The guys said it was okay but I started to cry. It’s not okay. It may never be okay again. My husband doesn’t love me. I had to be mean and didn’t give him his moms address (that was later in the day), I cant find the stupid, plug thing. Firepie barfed on the carpet this morning.

I went to the Counselor/Therapist, whatever this afternoon. I don’t think I will be going to that one anymore. The drive was crazy. It took me in like circles. I don’t like driving anyway especially in traffic. The drive was to long and I went by at least 3 places, he and I had gone to together. A furniture store where we looked for (purchased?) our sofa for the Living Room at the house, restaurants, Knott’s Berry Farm. I gave hin a shirt that he wore to Knott’s Berry Farm and he looked just like Charlie Brown. It was really cool. I don’t want to drive by there every time I go to the Therapist.

I got tons of boxes unpacked and you can almost see the whole Kitchen/Living Room. And, last night I watched Hoarders on dvd trying to get some normalcy in the situation. Because that’s what I would have done at home (the other place). I still have a hard time calling this place home because like my friend said, “Home is where the heart is.” and my heart is where my husband is, but, at the moment, he doesn’t love me anymore. So, my heart is broken.

Advertisements

What Do You Do All Day?

For those who are unemployed, (especially with ADD/ADHD) how do you spend your day?

My husband asks the question, “What do you do all day?” Heck, my doctor has asked that one too.  It’s hard to explain:

I admit, I spend way to much time reading then doing.  I read way to many blogs on WordPress and my other journal catching up with new blogs I follow to make whatever comments necessary and to feel as if I’ve gotten to know the authors of the blogs before posting my own blog.  I check my e-mail and Facebook every day without fail.  Okay, the e-mail without fail.  I may look at Facebook but if I don’t post, that’s not a big deal.  I make a list of things to do but I am so slow in the morning I usually don’t get started until 11 or 12.  Plus, I give myself credit if half the list gets done.  The list includes things like wash hair, fill coffee container, make husbands lunch.  Simple things that normal people (whatever normal is) would naturally do without a reminder.

I have been focusing on the upcoming garage sale  lately and finding more things to sell each day and I put an ad on Craig’s List and posted on Facebook about it so it will be a success.  Plus, I have been looking for a framed picture of a Black Panther (animal) for the Living Room Wall since we’ve decided to decorate with wild animals and abstract art.

Sometimes, it doesn’t look like I accomplish much, but I really do.  I only allow myself one  or two t.v. shows during the afternoon and the rest are after my husband gets home from work.

I make a list every night for the next day and transfer over the things that didn’t get done  to the next days list.  It’s a never-ending cycle.  Weekends..nothing on the list gets done though since my husband is home and it is a wknd after all.

More Food Variety

I went grocery shopping today and it’s one of the first times I remember walking through the store for 2-3 hours drinking an entire Tall Starbucks Latte and doing all my shopping without having to use the restroom.  Wow!  As my husband asked, so am I a normal person now?

I found some Gluten-Free, All-Beef, Hot Dogs which are yummy.  I also ordered some frozen food yesterday and some boxed stuff as well as some gluten-free flour and other things from The Gluten-Free Mall yesterday.  Yeah, we are about going broke but I am getting some food variety and my calories/protein are going to go up and I am learning to manage this diet.

This wknd, we may even go to Spaghetti Factory for dinner so I can get my favorite meal.  Luckily, they have it Gluten-Free…  Spaghetti with Brown Butter and Mizithra Cheese.  Their Specialty.

Nervous About Driving

I have a doctor appointment next week and I need to drive myself of which I am nervous because it’s at 8:30 a.m. and there will be a lot of traffic.  I never used to be nervous of driving in traffic .  My husband has been going to these appointments with me and he is going to take me this wknd and show me how to get there and where to park to make things easy for me.  It’s funny because it is actually located in Orange across from the hospital where I was born and I even used to live across the street from the hospital, plus, I used to visit my mother when she was in a home down the street and in the same hospital.  One time, I even picked her up from the hospital and took her to the home. 

 It’s  just that my mind has spun out over the year or so and I still feel as if I am sort of not normal or not myself and never will be.

Back To Normal For Now..Whatever That Is.

Last night for the first time in a long time my friend Brian and I went karaokying.  Every year we go for a Karaoke/Costume Contest somewhere for Halloween.  We didn’t win (a lot of times it is who they know) but it was a lot of fun and  the whole day yesterday was just busy fun.  I dressed up Petey as a Hot Dog and took him to PETCO for a Halloween Pet Contest.  He didn’t win either but here is a picture.  I think it fits his personality.

  It is so good to have some energy and feel almost normal again..whatever that was for me before that major depression episode hit.  I think I like Zoloft.

  • Calendar

    • November 2018
      M T W T F S S
      « Jul    
       1234
      567891011
      12131415161718
      19202122232425
      2627282930  
  • Search