The Marriage Ending Saga (Found An Apartment)

I found an apartment and the paperwork is being signed and money is being put down today. We are also seeing someone about the Divorce. I may have to steel myself with a bit of anger or something to get through this: even though financially he is being very nice.

Here is what I don’t need right now. I have a neighbor who I thought was a friend. A new Christian. She literally told me she does not like my decision and it is against God. She said I should fight for my marriage because God does not want Divorce. She went on and on about how I should be the stronger person and have faith because God turns people around, blah, blah, blah. I almost told her where to shove her religion.

I asked S. again if he was sure this is how he felt. He actually said not only Yes, but if he decided to stay he would probably just do this to me again in the future because he is not happy. He also said he has felt this way for about the last 5 years. I had the transplant about 6 years ago. This means, about right after the transplant, S. decided since I didn’t I didn’t get miraculously cured or for whatever reasons;.he wasn’t happy and we should end it.

He re-affirmed that there is no one else or at least no one by computer.

I can’t dwell on this anymore. I need to focus on moving and try to put my crying on the back burner until I get out of here, if possible. I could be moving as soon as next wknd.

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Mother’s Day For Child-Free, but, Animal Mother’s.

As an animal mother only, Mother’s Day is not celebrated for people like me. It doesn’t seem quite fair. We may not have given birth to a cat, dog, horse, hamster, rabbit, snake, etc. however, we may have saved it’s life from a shelter or no matter how we attained the animal; we are still raising them. I am talking about the women who take the time to take their animals to the vet and keep their shots updated, the ones who clean up after the animals when they barf all over the house, the ones who walk the dogs as often as needed or pick up the yard because if we didn’t, it would be overrun which wouldn’t be good for the animal or the neighborhood. Animals give us unconditional love and some of us only have animal-children, therefor, don’t you think we, also, should be celebrated on Mother’s Day?

I bought myself a Mother’s Day gift this year. I bought myself an Obama Countdown Clock. A funny, practical gift that I usually would not think to get however, even having put it on my Amazon WishList; I just had a feeling, nobody would get it. (This post is not turning into a political post. That is not the topic today so please don’t go there.)

Also, onto the subject of gifts, remember I said I am a giver? Well, I don’t know why but I don’t think you will find anyone else like me around. If you are sick, I will probably send you something. If your animal dies, you may receive a present to cheer you up. I don’t usually forget Birthdays or Christmas either. I don’t know why it is. I think it may be to make up for the fact that I am sick so often and don’t see people, plus, I just love to give and if I can afford it; Why not? It doesn’t hurt anyone and I just imagine the look on the faces of my friends and relatives when those boxes arrive in the mail.

Gluten Free Grass Balls

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This is very odd as I just wrote it all out and nothing showed up. Let me try again. I made what was supposed to be Cheddar Bay Biscuits but they turned into balls that did not rise after using Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Flour without Xanthum Gum. The batter tasted like grass which is why I called it the title I did. This was my breakfast.

I had also mentioned that we saw ‘Scary Movie V’ tonight and unless you have seen the movie ‘Mama’; I suggest you see that first before seeing ‘Scary Movie V’. It seemed as if ‘Mama’ was the main movie, ‘Scary Movie V’ seemed to make fun of this time.

I guess I get tired of Hollywood and their re-makes. It seems as if they are running out of new material.

Yes, I know ‘Scary Movie’ is not a re-make of ‘Mama’ but it may as well have been.

Everyone Is A Doctor

Isn’t it amusing when you tell someone you have a medical problem (such as headaches)  and suddenly everyone gets out their medical degree and puts on their uniform and gives you advice?.

I called to return a Therapeutic Pillow I ordered which was supposed to be good for headaches, I thought.  However, I am a side sleeper and it has a crease in the center and is meant more for back sleepers.  One of the Customer Service Reps had called the other day telling me of the return policy.  So, I am talking to the girl on the phone and I mention I am a Migraine Sufferer and the pillow is not helping.  She says, “Are you drinking enough water?  My daughter gets migraines but it’s because she doesn’t drink enough water.”  You ever feel like smacking someone through the phone.  I know she meant well.  But relay.  That’s the solution!  None of the doctors in the world can figure this out and it’s my water intake??  I don’t think so.

Then, on Facebook (although I know well-meaning) I find recipe’s from friends for smoothies or drinks to help with headaches and articles about food triggers.  Gosh, it could be food triggers?  Really?  Yes, I know most of my food triggers.  I love Pumpkin Seeds and Cheese but I try to stay away from them especially when I am having bad headache episodes.       I’m already on a gluten-free diet and I have to eat.  My doctors and I both keep track of my diet record.  Thanks for helping point out the idea of food triggers.

Needless to say, I would be shocked should a friend or stranger figure out a solution to this problem when the doctors can’t.

If someone tells you they are sick with headaches, or any aches, try saying, “I’m sorry or “I”ll  pray for you.”  and leave it at that.  It really does help, just  to know you care.

Explosive News Coverage and Children

Let me start this by saying my prayers go out to the families of those that lost love ones in the Boston Explosions yesterday, as well as, to those that were injured and survived the mess.

That being said,  after watching the same coverage like four times because all my television programs had been taken over,  I decided to play Bingo on Facebook which is my way of relaxing.  Now, for those of you who don’t know…Bingo has an area for conversation where most people say “Good luck”, “Well done.” and maybe “This game sucks today.”  Yesterday, a few of the players had turned the conversation area into a discussion about the news in Boston.  I don’t want to hear/read about that when I am playing Bingo.  It was distracting.  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch this comment, “And there were children there. The day is supposed to be fun for children.”

As you can guess this comment touched a nerve.  Here is why:

This was before they knew that a child was one of the victims (not that the timing makes a difference.)

Why does a child being at the event make it any worse then an adult?  Look at it this way, with enough therapy, a child might get over the trauma (should they become traumatized by what happened)  and the adult may never get over it.  The event in question was not aimed toward children.  This was a Marathon with adults running in a race.  Just because a child was in the audience and happened to witness the bombing or explosion or whatever does not make the situation worse then anyone else witnessing it or the adult who sat right next to the explosion as it occurred, in my opinion.

Before you start busting me again for my feelings on children (No, I don’t hate children!)  If something like this happened in a McDonald’s Play-Yard or a Children’s Fun Zone of sorts or somewhere deliberately aimed toward children, then I can completely understand when you reference the children.

I am very sorry for the young child that lost their life in the explosions.  However, I do hope that is not the only person we hear about in the news.

I guess there was also an Earthquake on the border of Pakistan.  I pray for all the innocent people who lost relatives or were part of that situation as well

And The Nomination Doesn’t Go To… (My Feelings)

On my last MRI, they’d found white spots and weren’t sure what they were.  Lately, I’ve been reading about white patches in the brains of people who suffer from Migraines.  There ya go.

I contacted my Neurologist yesterday who adjusted my meds.  However, last night before adjusting them; I had horrible, sharp, stabbing pain (almost like an earache) from the left side; which literally made me cry every time it hit.  I thought I would need to go see my Primary today, but surprisingly, I feel better.  I tried the Neurologist’s medication adjustment before bed.  It seems like I get 3 days of pain to 2 days of no pain a week.

Sorry, if these last two entries haven’t kept  your interest.  Sometimes, I don’t write them for humor purposes.  I actually started this blog to keep up with family and friends re: my health and life so I don’t have to keep repeating myself when people ask:  How are you?  I just send them here.

I actually like to throw in a few curve balls and keep it interesting and fun as well.  Like everyone, I LOVE to get Followers.  As a matter of fact, there is something I have to admit/confess.  “It’s been forever since my last Wordpress confession.” HA.  (If you were ever a Catholic, you’ll get that one.)

Anyway,

I’ve been on WordPress for over a year now and I admit/confess that sometimes I get jealous/annoyed/angry when everybody I read and follow keep getting all nominated for these awards and I’ve yet to get nominated for one.  I’m not saying you don’t all deserve it because I’m sure you do.  Heck, I follow you so that is saying something. Right?

I am not asking your advice on how to get nominated for an award.  Nor, do I want your sympathy or to be condemned for my feelings.   I just wanted to admit them.

By the way, it isn’t so much when someone gets nominated.  It’s when they keep getting nominated.  It seems like once someone gets nominated for one award, it becomes a cycle.  Some people I follow post things like, “I haven’t gotten around to responding and thanking everyone for the numerous award nominations I’ve received so I will now and here are my nominations:”

What?  I feel like if I received an award, I would be so honored/excited/happy. I would fall off my chair!  I think the only reason I would not respond in the next post would be because I broke something after falling out of the chair.

Then, when reading the ones I follow and the numerous award nominations they receive.. some/most of which are following me back by the way. I look anxiously to see if my blog was worthy of their nomination for the award.   But alas, despite the fact, they follow me and they’ve received 12, 14, 112, whatever awards. Once again..mine is not in there.

It may seem silly of me to dream of a WordPress Award Nomination, but I guess it is sort of like in High School.  I still feel as if I am trying to fit in and one day, I really will be accepted.

And, don’t you dare nominate me because of a this post.  That would be wrong on so many levels.

I am curious though,

How do you feel about the Wordpress Award System and do you ever feel the same way I do?     

Christians and Going To Church

As most of you know by now, I am a Christian, yet, I do not go to church.  To clarify, I do not go to an actual building on Sunday (Mosque, Church, Temple, Chapel or otherwise) to sit in a pew or chair next to people who may cough, sneeze, talk to or in any other way distract me during a service.  I also don’t have to listen to the singing and/or many other things that are involved in the service that do not come directly from the Bible if I do not desire.  I do church on television or via the internet.  Which means, I can fast forward the singing and get to the Sermon from the Pastor which is the main thing I want to hear.  I tune in for God’s word.  I can hear a different Pastor each week..at least from about 10 or so and some are not even around here.  Christmas does not have to be the actual Christmas story.  I can choose a title with a topic that may really help me during the week.

Let me give you some back-up as to how I got here.  I’ve posted a bit of this before so I’ll try to condense this.

I was raised in the Catholic Church and made to go to church every, single Sunday.  I never did believe in Purgatory, (the word is not mentioned in the Bible..and Yes, I have read the entire Bible..it took me 3 years!) and I always believed the Priest changing the water and wine into God’s body and blood was a reminder of the Last Supper…not that he was actually doing it every week, I also could never understand why we used the collection money for things like air conditioning and new seats for the church when we could be sending it to people who really needed it.  (I do think the Catholics picked a really good Pope in that way now, but I digress)   I was raised in the Youth Group and followed all the rules.  I was Miss Goody Two Shoes and totally believed in holding out sex before marriage.  I had a massive crush on the popular guy (as did most girls) and was shocked when his girlfriend became pregnant by him.  I thought for sure everybody would shun her or at least treat her differently and treat me better..but instead, they threw her a baby shower and the two got married and had a baby.  That may be when my sex before marriage view changed, I’m not sure.

After a few years of seeking a different church, I joined the Baptist Church.  This worked quite well for a while until the Pastor started up with the every Sunday thing in order to be a good church member.  I had been on the Women’s Group but that had ended and when I offered to re-start it, they said no because you had to attend every service.  They had two services on Sundays.  I do not wish to be forced to go anywhere.  That is ridiculous.  Then, he started begging and guilting people into giving money and going on and on about how you should want to give to God from your heart.  I’ve never believed in Tithing.  I’m sorry.  God isn’t getting my money.  The church is.  A group of people who decide what they want to use my money for that I have given them.  In essence, I am paying so they can preach God’s word to me as they interpret it.  I have Bible for that!  The last reason the 2nd church didn’t work out is because I started to check out a few other churches and confided in a few people a head of time, (not the Pastor) and a “friend” actually went and told the Pastor, so I was told I could no longer help in the church office (folding flyers) if I was considering leaving the church.  What?  I hadn’t said anything to the Pastor because my decision hadn’t been made but at that moment, I guess it was made for me so I was gone.

The last church I attended was also Baptist.  Thee people have views that are at the point of being ridiculous.  The Pastor and I almost got into it at Halloween because he believes putting up Halloween decorations of witches, ghosts, etc. is asking evil spirits to invade your world and you should always live as a Christian and be ready for Christ.  He got annoyed that I didn’t bow down and say, “Oh, your right, I’m so sorry.”  Uh..Nope.  Not my belief.  Then, everybody sort of started treating me differently after that and the air was just weird.  Plus, they would talk behind the back of other members and say, “I heard so and so said this and I think so and so may have been a druggie anyway.”  Who knows what they are saying now that I’m gone.

 

Anyway, when I explain that I do church on the internet or television, I get tired of hearing the response, “You should really find a church family.”  Why?  I just told you my reasons for not going?  Everybody is different.  God is working in me in his own way and we have our own relationship.  I don’t need your drama of seeing you on Sunday and then not talking to you during the week.  I had a friend that swore all the time and treated her family like crap, but she was the “Perfect Christian” because she went to church every Sunday.  Guess what?  I found out, she is divorced now.  She as a devout Catholic.

Before you quote the commandment:  I am well aware:  It is:  Keep Holy The Sabbath Day. 

A Christian means “Follower of Christ” and as a Follower of Christ; I do not need to go to church.

 

 

 

My Opinion/Solution On Gay Marriage

So, I just read another post on the Gay Marriage issue.  I wasn’t going to discuss this since I hate debates ( and really won’t do so) but I had a thought.

First of all,  let me clarify that I am against Gay Marriage.  I am a Christian.  I believe in the Bible and it’s teachings.  I cannot and do not get into debates especially with family members because my husband and most of his family are on the other side.  The Bible has many verses against Homosexuality.  Adam and Eve were brought together, and marriage is when man and wife come together as one under the eyes of God.

Anyway, here was my thought:  Since Gay people are going on and on about it being an equal right issue or taking away their freedoms, or whatever,  Why don’t you just term it “Marriage.” when you get married by a member of the clergy, and a “Union” when you don’t; and keep all taxes the same according to the states or whatever… for either service.  The taxes can be the same but terms can be different depending on who you are married/ in union by.  You see how simple things can be?  I should be in the White House.

By the way, someone wrote something about Marriage and how we should all be free to marry who or what we want.  This is what I was afraid of.  This is where we are headed you know.  Next, people will want to marry their dog if this passes because they should be free to do so.  Otherwise, we will be taking that right away from them.

Just my thoughts on the subject.

Here’s another thought;  how can thoughts be up for debate?  Discussion..okay.  Debate? NO!  I’ve told you my beliefs and idea.  Your not going to change my mind but you’re welcome to share your view provided you are polite about it.  Please Don’t slam me for my opinion/belief.  That really gets us nowhere.

I really wish they would just make a decision soon and get this whole matter over with so we could all focus on other issues..like the economy..and just stop talking about it soon anyway.

*I changed a part of my thought after a comment was made.  Hopefully that helped a bit.

*I changed my title after another comment was made, however, it led to a spam type main page so I did not post the actual comment.  I do not post comments that link to ad type pages.  Should whoever you are be reading this.  Thank you for your opinion.  I hope this title works better.

A Rant For Real Sickness

I just read a blog that was a bit disturbing to me.  One of those blogs that went on about.. “You have a choice.  You choose to be healthy.”  Blah, Blah, Blah.”  Okay, Blogwriter Person, since I am not going to name your Blog or you because that would be rude and I didn’t leave a comment.  It doesn’t really matter because there are many people out there that believe the same thing. ” It’s your decision to get up every day.  Just fight through the pain.”

Were you people born with rare disease issues that have weird side-effects that keep us sick in one way or another?  When you have head or stomach pain to the point that you are vomiting and can only pray for that pill to take the pain away and you can barely move your head or handle noise..can you seriously tell me you are out running a marathon or doing your yoga or Eating a STEAK?  Plus, seriously, “Eat Like A Lion?”  Give me a break.  I don’t care what the Cavemen did.  They may not have had our ailments but they did not have our weather with the pollution and cars, etc to deal with either.  Their meat came straight from the animals and their vegetables came straight from the ground.  No sprays on those vegetables to keep them fresh.  My system cannot handle wheat and I do not believe in eating animals.  Plus, everybody’s body is different so the same diet does not work for everyone.

Back to my questions to people with this belief or philosophy, is my choice of waking up saying I am going to be healthy today going to get my body healed soon so I will not have to have a hysterectomy?  It hasn’t worked so far.  And, it’s funny because on Friday, I tried to make that choice when I had to do the treadmill test without caffeine and my headache pain was so bad; I could not go through with it.  I was vomiting and my husband had to pick me up from the hospital and take me home.

It’s a great idea in theory, but it doesn’t work for those of us who are seriously ill with Real sickness.

This reminds me of when I was in school and could never pass  a test because I had test-anxiety.  Nobody ever caught that and I failed almost EVERY test.  I pretty much passed all my classes with homework and extra credit.  I could study for hours and I would still fail the test.  Just say the word, “Test” and I would blank out.  If I believed your philosophy.  I could just believe I would pass the test and I would be able to pass.  Guess what?  I tried that once.  Still failed.

Being chronically ill, I get tired of people with this belief/philosophy.

I don’t mean or try (as a matter of fact, I try not to) to complain about my health all the time.  But, this blog is to update friends, family and strangers about my life especially the health aspect, so I don’t have to keep repeating it.  I have a lot of health issues which I Can’t Help without doctors and pills or shots, or whatever.  I am helping myself in getting help from others.

A Show I Won’t Watch & Why I Am Flexitarian

Last night I watched a show with my husband about people who live in Alaska;. ‘The Alaskan Frontier’ or something.  They live with no electricity or gas, no plumbing or water and hunt, fish and grow their own food.  My husband made the comment that he would love to live like that.  Not true.  He loves his T.V. to much, plus, he pays to have a Gardener.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know how I feel about hunting for food.  I don’t agree with it.  Unless, these people are paid to live the way they do and told to hunt to keep the animal population down (which they aren’t) there is no reason for it.  I had to fast forward parts of it.  I don’t care if they use the entire animal or not.  To watch a father take his young son out rabbit hunting or to kill his first deer makes me sick.  My husband says, “What else can they do?  There are no stores there.”  That’s their choice.  Maybe have meat flown in from stores somewhere?  I don’t know.  But, I have no sympathy for those people during the Winter months.  How about become Vegetarians if you choose to live that way?  Why kill innocent animals because you choose to save money?  Needless to say, that is one show I am not watching again.

I have relatives that hunt as well.  I’ve talked about this before.  Hunting really bothers me.   I don’t know how my Niece puts up with it.  She says she doesn’t agree with it, yet, she has to support her husband who is an avid hunter.  He brought down a large Elk and even won an award, I think.  Plus, they are raising their children in the same direction.  I hate giving the children stuffed animals now because I am afraid they will want to shoot them.  I am just so opposite in that way.

Before you get into the fact of, how do you think we get our meat?  I am well aware of it but… unless you are in the business of supplying the supermarket chains, or you are in the olden days without the supermarkets, or you are in another country and starving and have nothing (another Country, not Alaska, that is a state.), I don’t agree with it and won’t agree with it.  This is one of the issues I feel strongly about and one main reason I am a Flexitarian.

True Stories-

When I was young, my father used to eat Pickled Pigs Feet.  They seriously looked like little, feet.  For the longest time, I could not figure out what happened to the rest of the pig and I wondered why dad didn’t feel really guilty.  I imagined pigs on their bellies in the mud with no feet.  It took a while to sink in that other meat was made from the rest of the pig.  Sad.

One night, my mother made Lamb for dinner, it looked disgusting.  I took a piece of my lamb and moved it around my plate saying, “Baa, Baa, “Baa.” so my mother or dad told me to “Stop playing with your food.” “Okay.” Then, I started singing, “Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow.” Dad looked at me, “Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”  Dad said, “That’s not Mary’s lamb.” and I asked, “How do you know?”  To this day, I don’t  know if I ate Mary’s Lamb for dinner.  What a terrible song, nursery rhyme, whatever for a child if they are eating lamb.  Go a head, finish the whole rhyme.  Lambs are really nice.

What about pigs.  Your eating Wilber from Charlotte’s Web.  Now, don’t you feel bad?  and don’t get me started on horses, or cows?  I’m sure I could come up with tons of nursery rhymes, children’s stories, etc. for any animal you decide to put on your plate at the dinner table to make you re-think what you really wish to feed yourself and your little ones.