No Pill Refill?

How the heck am I supposed to re-gain the weight I need to with diarrhea and headaches? The diarrhea is probably caused by stress I’ve been under (not like I’ve been under any.) I wonder if grief and loneliness can bring on diarrhea. I’m sure a change in eating habits can. But, I told you. I’m getting back on track to eating right or at least the right amount.

I’m fighting with the docs today over my headache meds. I take two headache medications. Both of which I am almost out of. They won’t fill one as long as I continue to fill the other one since they are both for Migraine. I am almost out of pills. Seriously. I can’t pay without insurance because the one generic is still $1250. Guess I’ll be taking something I am not supposed to off the store shelves for the next month until I can get a refill. This is ridiculous.

Losing Weight..Bad Way For Me

If you’re looking for a few ways to lose weight, I have some. Separate from your husband of 12 years unexpectedly. During that time, cry almost every day and don’t eat meals when you are supposed to. It won’t be hard because you won’t be hungry. Your body will give you headaches and other pains, you will take pills for that pain and if you aren’t moving things around or focusing on something like the television to take your mind off reality, your trying to sleep without dreaming; which only works with drugs. As time goes on; your clothes start to become loose.

Within the last four weeks, I have lost four pounds. Yesterday, I noticed how loose my clothes were becoming so I bought some candy realizing I need those extra calories throughout the day. I just got on the scale this morning. I know I need to start eating again at regular intervals, as well as snacking. I also know I need to start tracking my food again. Stress is terrible for everyone’s immune systems but mine especially because of my disease and kidney transplant.

It will be a solid month on Friday since this occurred. That means I will have 8 more months in this apartment. Friday will mark a solid month of tears and lack of sleep and wonder and pain of what went wrong in my 12 year marriage to a man who loved me (I thought and believed) when we walked down that wedding aisle and said his vows in front of all our friends and family. The same day I sang his favorite song to him at the wedding reception, “I’ll Always Love You.” by Olivia Newton-John.

I am supposed to be drinking one Ensure Plus every day for dietary purposes. I may up that to two for a bit. I need to gain weight. I don’t care if I am eating candy. I know I need to eat more. I cannot wither away and make myself sick. My cat needs me, if nobody else does. I do have friends that still care about me.

Today, I will start again to get back on track physically. I will eat even if I’m not hungry. I may even start tracking my food again. I can’t do this to myself. If I do this to myself and my body, I will have let him win and proved that he was right, that I NEED someone to take care of me. Which I Don’t. I just need to get my emotions in check and start taking care of myself again. As the weight comes off, reality hits and it ain’t a pretty picture!

Husband Brings Work Home

My husband is an Inspector at work.  That is his job..to inspect the work the sub-contractors or contractors do after they do their jobs; in order to make sure things have been done correctly; so they can be paid.

Then, he comes home to me.  Lately, he has been stressed.  A lot is going on at his job and a lot is going on at the house.  The house is looking really good and getting into shape.  However, the process seems never-ending now that things have started.

Anyway, he comes home.  This is what occurs..”I thought you were going to clean the floor.  Did you see the spot?  Don’t you know how to clean a floor?  There’s another spot.  You have to sweep the new floor every day.  Don’t you ever water the back or front yard anymore?, etc.etc.”   I want to snap back at him but I don’t.  That would just start a useless argument.  I’ve hinted that it would be nice if he helped but as he points out; he does work outside the house and I don’t.

We did have an agreement that I would take care of the inside and he would take care of the outside of the  house but we were both working then and he hired a Gardener.  Of course, he is spending a lot of money for this house decorating and I don’t want to piss him off right now either.  New furniture is coming (okay, we need to find it) probably next wknd..one of which is probably going to be an indoor Chaise as we are selling our indoor Living Room Furniture and getting all new.

He and I were both talking about the fact that he needs to go back to the gym again as that usually helps him de-stress and puts him in a much better mood.

A Bit of Stress

Yesterday was quite upsetting.  I am only allowed sushi once a year so I have to find a restaurant that serves Uni (Sea Urchin) which is my favorite.  My friend B and I had it all set before discovering the place we usually go to has closed.  We tried two more places that didn’t have Uni and wound up at Del Taco, my phone stopped working except for telling me per message that we hadn’t paid the bill.  My husband said we have not received one.  I called the company this morning (Virgin) and it turns out we/I will not receive a written bill and will have to Top Off every month on a certain date.  So, S and I will just work out the payments.  The phone itself was a bit expensive (not to bad) so I can consider that my B-Day/Christmas gift.

  Then, while driving home my right leg (Driver’s Leg) decided to get that terrible pain I get periodically that can get almost paralyzing so I had to pull into a parking lot and sort of march around for a bit before continuing home while praying the whole time.

This week is stressful as we are taking care of a dog for my husbands’ boss and it is a 1 and a half your old puppy mixed with Pit, Lab and ??  She has had no training and nearly knocks me down when she jumps on me.  She is like a child and  into everything and we have to keep her separate from our animals.  She spends most of her time in the back yard and I feel guilty because it is cold however she does have a heated doghouse.  She is constant ly chewing on bark or something.  Plus, i am walking my dog approx 2x per day now and he is getting worn out not being used to this.  This visiting dog is going home on Monday and I am on count-down.