Blogging Is Good Therapy

When I started seeing my Therapist, I had issues.  My mother had died which still bothered me.  I went mental for a while.  My husband and I had some serious issues.  I had a mental breakdown or maybe just messed up my pills and took to much of my one of them, I’m not sure but I had some weird seizure along with hallucinations which scared us to death.  Anyway, things are well now.  Except for the stupid skin tag issue which my Therapist cannot help with anyway.  My husband and I are doing great!  We’ve been appreciating and listening to each other more, I think and we are both making some sacrifices for the other.  My brain has calmed down a lot since I have an easier system of keeping track of my meds and I’ve changed my anti-depressant medication.  I know my mother is gone but she is still watching me (no longer with criticalness (my word) and judgement) and sometimes I still share with her what is going on.

Needless to say, I think I am going to end the visits to my Therapist.  This is very hard as she has become a friend, as well in a way.  However, if I have issues.  I will just blog about some of them.  I must remember family and friends read this.   I’ve com to the conclusion that blogging is a lot cheaper than therapy and a lot more fun too.  I do believe I may feel guilty after leaving my Therapist which may be the hardest part to deal with but should I need to see her again..my insurance covers so many visits and I could alway’s call and start again, I suppose.  After all, you cannot keep a Therapist around just to talk about the weather without a good reason.

Blogging Then And Now

When you started blogging (if you can remember that far back?), what was your goal?..aside from to Blog, that is?  Was it to have 100 Followers..collecting them like shells or rocks or pens or whatever else it is you like to collect?, Was it just to blog to keep in touch with family and close friends completely forgetting the idea that the whole internet world can read what your writing if you don’t make it “Private”? (and you don’t),  Was it because you like the idea of typing/writing/sharing your thoughts on whatever to anyone anonymously knowing anyone can read it and having their input in hopes that maybe it will help you sort things out; plus, you can get into the minds and lives of new people that way..also, along the same lines you know that others just might be going through the same thing and can empathize? (that’s me)

Go back to that day you wrote that first blog (if you remember) and the reason you began.  Now go to now.  Has your life changed?  Have your thoughts on blogging changed?  Do you have Followers now?  How does that make you feel?  Do you feel like a Celebrity..or is it sort of like, “Hey, I’ve evolved.  Somebody likes me now.  Look at all these people who actual care about what I have to say?”  I hope you’re not becoming conceited.  “Yeah, people have alway’s like me.  I’m the best of all time.  I’ve won 4 awards and I have over 100 followers.  I should win the Pulitzer Prize!”

I appreciate my followers and I thank them very much.  I cannot reciprocate to every one.  I like to check the blogs I follow every day or so and if I follow to many at one time,  I may never post on mine.   I value the feedback of all who comment whether I respond to the comment or not; except the strange, spam, sex-types comments which you won’t see on the main page because I’ve already deleted them.  Nothing like th e fun Spam folder, huh?

I  have grown a lot since I started this Blog and in the process I am starting to get healthier too; so now some of the topics are getting a bit more fun.  I look forward to even more of that in the future.  Somehow, I think blogging is better than therapy which sort of ties into my next topic.

Finding Ex Information

While at the Therapist today, I was talking to her about my book and the fact that I am still freaked over my ex and I would really like to know if he is even alive or around here.  She had just said something about praying about finding a way to find him should that be what God wants when it suddenly hit me.  He used to have a girlfriend prior to me whom he had a baby with.  As a matter of fact, she kept visitation away from him as long as we were together due to him not working and that was the reason he was thrown in jail the times he was.   I think the name of her father popped in my head while at the Therapist.  I am going to see if I can get a hold of her father in order to get the information I need.

I know she herself, is now married or she was a long time ago however, and after we (my ex and I) split up she wanted nothing more to do with me.  It was really weird because she even called my mother once but although I did send her one letter she never responded.  And she had sent me letters while in the relationship telling me terrible things he had done to her.

Anyway, I can only pray her father is still alive and has the information I need.  I found a # for an office in his career field and in his name which I may try calling tomorrow to see if it is him.

Funny, but I am afraid to put to much out in public due to fear.

 

Also, tomorrow I am hoping to go to the Lab as I cannot get the CT-Scan done until I get the Labs done.   I sure hope my stomach/head holds up this time as I really need to get checked out soon.

Needing Help Focusing

Tuesday night I went grocery shopping and spent over $200.00 on food.  I cannot believe how high food prices are getting.  I bought everything to make Lasagna for my husband which I’ve never made before but I am going to find the recipe and I am going to give it a shot.  Plus, I think I’ll make my from scratch Biscuits.  When it’s gets cold, I like to bake.

I was in a really good mood yesterday and I think I talked a mile a minute at the Therapist.

  I was looking forward to going to dinner with my friend Lisa last night and we wound up going to a really good Indian Restaurant in Buena Park, CA titled “Neel Kamal’.  They need more Dinner customers as most of their business comes for the lunch buffet and for take-out and we were the only ones there for dinner. 

I am really having a rough time finding something  to take to help me focus with myADD.  The Pharmacist even laughed when I asked her about Fish Oil or if there is a vitamin or anything for that purpose.  My Primary did say I could try Focus Factor and see if it works but he doesn’t understand that I’ve had a Kidney Transplant and I have to be really careful on some of those herbs and things (I guess) that some of the doctors don’t believe in.  Plus, all the vitamins in Focus Factor or some of those other things of that nature may be to much or to little with the Multiple the doctor has already required me to take.  Adderrall is pretty much a definite NO due to the side effect of weight loss.

ADD & Time

I’m not sure my husband agree’s with the ADD  diagnosis but I do.  Actually, maybe he does but not with the idea of another medication.  He is insisting that this still has to do with the fact that I am afraid he may leave me.  This may have started from there or it may have started when my mother died but I don’t think I’ve even considered that for a long time.

  As far as the medication, my main problems seems to be focusing on something.  I’ll tell my husband I will watch a show with him after I take my pills and get a snack.  However, when I take my pills I have to be looking at the computer so I don’t focus on swallowing and I don’t choke.  While looking at the computer I get involved in reading articles or a Facebook Game or maybe even here at WordPress.  Soon my husband is asking me if I am still coming and I’m like..”Oh yeah, I’m sorry”  and I still need to make and eat a snack before I can watch something.  Plus, I’ll read a date for a doctors referral and think I missed the referral so I’ll e-mail my Primary requesting a new referral because the old referral expired.  After he says okay, I re-read the 1st referral and the date does not expire til next month so I am actually okay for another 2-3 weeks. 

 Things like this keep happening and are driving me crazyl.  Lately, I keep telling my husband I want to watch shows with him that I think have been recorded on DVR which haven’t been recorded yet.  He sort of snapped tonight and said he cannot invent time.

  My Therapist said ADD doesn’t have anything to do with Time Management but then again she hasn’t helped ADD/ADHD people in a long time so she may have forgotten.

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