Continuous Posting

I used to post once a day. Now I just post when and what I feel. I don’t care how often. If I drive you crazy, you don’t have to read. It’s therapeutic.

Today.

Today, I put the shower curtain up. I could not do the Shower Curtain Rod by myself. I had to call the maintenance guy and ask him to come. I actually heard him pound on it. So, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t as simple as everyone described. Anyway, as I was getting neck cramps snapping those stupid shower rings over the rod and through the curtain; I could not help wondering for the umpteenth time just what my husband is thinking. Why the hell would he give up a wife who cleaned up after him, fed him, made his lunch, brought his water to him, rubbed lotion on his feet when they ached; only because he was tired of being married? Why am I being being forced into friendship or letting him go in order for him to figure himself out? This is so NOT FAIR!

People are saying I should not write on here every day anymore or I should write happy things because HE reads this. NO!, I’m not going to change how my life really is because I have a specific reader. Actually, I am going back to generalizing and forget that he reads this. If he wishes to comment like anyone else, I will approve his comments just like everyone else, as well.

Do you ever watch Hoarders or Hoarders Buried Alive? Have you ever heard them say it started when someone left or died and they were devastated so they started shopping? I can’t see that but, I could see the slob part. I’m still not organized. I’m to tired to put it all away yet. (Today is day 6). So, while another box may get emptied..something else may go against a wall..waiting to be put away. It’s a slow process. I am not a slob. I really don’t like disorganization. I will see my counter eventually. But, I also have ADD. It’s hard to see projects to completion.

This wknd with the dog gone, I can focus a bit. I can also get some much needed rest.

The knob broke off my t.v. stand in the bedroom today. It isn’t really a t.v. stand anyway and the knob has been loose forever. I guess I don’t really need one. I can use the sides to open it. I kept the knob just in case.., I discovered the t.v. in the bedroom remote works for everything but Power. So, I have to get up out of bed to turn it on and off. That’s okay. It’s an old t.v. anyway and I remember growing up with a t.v. that didn’t have a remote at all. I used to have to turn the channel for my dad all the time when he was to lazy (whoops, I mean didn’t want to) get up and do it himself. My t.v. in the Living Room is also not the newest of models but it works and I am happy. I guess to work the dvd and Wii, I have to plug them in the front panel separately. Supposedly, I can use the remote for them then but they have their own remotes, so it doesn’t matter. HE offered to buy me a better t.v. but I don’t want a better t.v.

I want HIM to miss me and to love me again. I want HIM to honestly think about what he is doing and what he wants in life and what consequences this has already brought from his decision. I want HIM to re-consider the meaning of our marriage vows and the reason he fell in love with me in the first place and go to counseling by himself, if necessary before we go together. I’ve already started and am going back next week.

There was no texting from him today and when the phone buzzed earlier, I jumped. So, it is the first quiet and sad day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep with memories and pain, and I know tonight will be a replay. I will have to get used to this for a while.

These words go through my head over and over…

If You Love Something
Set It Free
If It Comes Back To You
It’s Yours
If It Doesn’t
It WAs Never Meant to Be

I’ve Set Him Free,, now who knows what is to be?

Oh yeah..and lastly, my lunch date for tomorrow has been canceled. My friend is sick.

Why I Could Never Be A Hoarder

I used to have a friend that was a Hoarder before the word became a term.  She was raised that way.  My mother, on the other hand, raised us like we lived in some model home.  We even had a Living Room we were not allowed to use except on occasions and when company came to visit and two antique chairs that mom kept the plastic covers on.  I remember constantly asking her why it was called a “Living Room” if we weren’t allowed to use it for Living.

Anyway, forward to now.  I am not the best housekeeper.  As a matter of fact, I hate doing it.  I know..I know.. I am supposed to have pride in my house and all that and I do keep it presentable for the most part.  But, we live in the house.  One thing I could never understand and still don’t is why we have to quickly rush around and sweep, vacuum, dust, shove things in closets, etc. before someone comes over.  Sheesh, haven’t they seen how I live before?  Why do we alway’s have to put on some display for the public or friends to make them think we are someone we aren’t; just so they will continue to accept us?  (More of that topic in another post, maybe.)

Anyway, I love the shows ‘Hoarding’ and ‘Hoarding-Buried Alive’.  I think it’s sad and ridiculous when the authorities make the residents leave the same night they visit; after the people have been living in their hoard/filth/whatever for years.  What’s a few more nights while you set the date up to start cleaning?

From watching those shows and from visiting my ex-friend, I have come to the conclusion that I could never be a Hoarder.

The first reason is:

I Hate Bugs!  If I saw a Cockroach in my house.  I would freak out.  Those things are nasty. (I lived in an apartment once that had those..next door to a Hoarder but there’s another post some day.  Hey.look post ideas are coming with this one.) I freak out at a Spider in my bathtub or on the floor and if it touches one of my things.  I don’t think so!

The Second Reason is:  I can’t leave things in the middle of the floor to long.  Unless it is in a room I don’t use, it drives me crazy.  I get nuts when my husband leaves newspaper on the floor after reading them and I wind up picking them up.  I can’t imagine living in a house and walking on things that should not be walked on.  Plus, what about my poor animals?  My cat and dog don’t want to be sliding and falling on stuff all over the place.

Thirdly- The Bathroom!  The smells!  Oh my gosh, When people hoard so much and their bills get so high that their water gets shut off..No, Thank You.  Just the smells of myself in the restroom are sometimes enough to drive me out..not to mention those of my husband.  I am constantly telling him to use air freshener.  Most of the Hoarders are becoming insensitive to smell.  I don’t even like the idea of having to do a stool sample for the doctor.

Finally, I love to give to people.  Yes, I know, some Hoarders also give to people.  But, they dumpster dive or they buy things with the intent to give to people and never do.  I put boxes together for fire, earthquake, etc. victims and I also make bags for the homeless.  So, a lot of times, I will put my unwanted clothes and maybe a few other items in those boxes for someone else to enjoy.  I donate my unwanted books to the local library usually and take things to the Goodwill for the tax write-off.  In this economy, the Goodwill seems to be the new mall from what I saw of the parking lot.

I also like the philosophy, ‘Out With The Old, In With the New.”

I do feel sorry for some of the people on the Hoarders shows that really don’t want the help.  The ones that are being forced by their families to clean up their houses (not forced by the city but by the family), the few that don’t have bugs and feces around the house, and it isn’t affecting their children or animals who live in the home.  In my mind, it’s their house and if their hoard  is limited to the inside and isn’t bothering anybody outside, let them live the way they want.  Make them clear a path for an emergency crew but that should be it.

 

Marriage & Decorating

We had such a nice wknd.  Saturday my husband moved furniture and then we went to Ikea.  We could not use the Curio Cabinet I envisioned due to space but we found something really cool for my Coke Collection.  I am so glad we went and saw this in person because the picture on the Ikea site does not do it justice.  This is really a solid piece of furniture with glass shelves and as you can tell it fits the corner space perfectly.  Afer the room change completion when I mentioned wall pictures in his room,  S. had the nerve to say, “I don’t care I’m doing this for you.”  I said “Oh No, Don’t you go there. You brought it up a long time ago when you said you wanted your own room.” Once again it’s something we have to laugh about because it works for us so no use arguing over how it started.

On Sunday, S. suggested Pechanga but my body wasn’t up to it.  He may have part of it right on my stomach getting extra nervous about long car trips.  It doesn’t help when S. goes to the gym first and I have to wait for him for hours to come home before we leave.

The good thing about not going was he decided to hire a cleaning company to come on Mondayito clean the house.  This would not have happened had we gone to Pechanga.  So, now we have a clean house.  He said they commented that if they had known our house was so dirty, they would have charged more.  Now, he keeps teasing me about how dirty our house was and comparing me to a Hoarder since I watch the show all the time.  I knew it was really bad but please… his comments are pretty funny though..not mean.

We are starting on fixing up the house, Finally! which is really exciting.  S. is going with the neighbor tomorrow night to pick out Can Lights for recessed lighting in the Kitchen and Living Rooms which the neighbor will install this wknd (he is an Electrician) and my friend and I are going to pick the paint colors for my room this wknd also.  This is getting really exciting.

*  I just learned the cleaning people did not comment about the house being so dirty (I thought that seemed rude).  My husband made that up.  They did say next time they would charge less so in his eyes that’s what was implied. He may be right but then again.. What a Brat.  Here I was thinking they actually said something.   I should have known better.  I don’t think a company would actually tell a customer that if they want repeat business.

 

A Gross Post

Today I had to do a Stool Sample to send off to the doctor.  It was so gross that afterward I had to open the window and air the bathroom out for a few and it got me to thinking:

I don’t know how the Hoarders do it.  You know the ones who have dirty diapers in the bathroom and feces all over the toilet and on the floors.  Do they become immune to the smell?  We know they aren’t the snooty, high-class people who think their shit don’t stink..lol.  At least now I know that after only five minutes or less of smelling my own body excrement and wanting to get away, I cannot possibly become a Hoarder.