Yesterday was one of the happiest days so far for me! I got my dog back!
The first week was shock and trauma and questions and tears, etc. Neither I, nor Petey, nor Firepie could figure out just what was going on nor why we had been thrown into this situation. We could not get our schedules figured out.
It’s been a month now and I’ve decided I want my Petey back. I want him sleeping with me, I want to know where he is, I want to be here when he is afraid of Fireworks on the 4th of July, I want doggie kisses and to spoil him with treats (even if I shouldn’t) and toys. I am his Mommy. Plus, I told Petey I would never abandon him like his dad did to us and I felt like that’s what I had done.
So, I called HIM. He said okay. He let me get Petey right away. He and I were friendly and civil. Well, we’ve always been friendly to each other. We’ve never fought. That’s the whole weird thing about this break-up. I asked HIM, if he has been so unhappy for the last 10 years of our marriage, why did he wait so long to do this? Why not let me go after two years? HE said he wanted to tell me sooner but I was always sick (NOT TRUE), he said he stuck around because he didn’t know who else would care for me: out of guilt. That’s a cop-out because he got the courage to do it now, all of a sudden. I told HIM how much what he has done has hurt me.
I told him how it makes me feel like I’ve wasted the last 12 years with someone who didn’t love me. Never mind the fact that HE has felt this way for 10 years verses 12. I could have given my love and made my vows to someone who really loved me and didn’t decide to give up because they didn’t want responsibility anymore. There might actually have been somebody out there that would have loved and accepted me for the girl I was then; and who knows, maybe actually helped me feel better and more accepting of my health problems verses making me feel worse by bailing because of them.
HE mentioned that HE is trying to be decent in this whole situation and he is wants me to be happy. He also mentioned that he cries to.. at least once a week. Once a week? What’s once a week? How about once a day or more? How about an ocean, to where you can’t count the tears? Why would I have sympathy for your once a week cryng over what you caused and supposedly wanted?
Needless to say, despite my tears of hurt mixed with my joy at getting my dog back, I could not look at HIM again, as HE stood at the garage door and watched us leave. I talked to Petey and backed the car out of the driveway of what once was my house;.our house. The house of cards that we built our love in, the house that crashed down but 52 Pick-Up is not meant to be played because most of the cards are missing. I tried to give the house key back, but HE wouldn’t take it. I don’t know why. There is nothing left for me in that house anymore.
Even The Dog Is Confused
Yesterday when I texted HIM (I think that is how I will refer to him now for a bit) I mentioned that if he wanted to keep up on how I was, he was welcome to follow this blog. After all, in my mind, we are still husband and wife..just separated, and in this way; he will know what is going on. But, he will not be responsible for any of it. Actually, that’s not true. He is responsible for most all of it. He is the reason I and the animals are here.
Anyway, he read yesterdays blog entry and texted me. I know he read it because he used one of the same terms I did. he was not supposed to comment that way, he was supposed to comment anonymously here on this site. Or, if HE wishes to be himself and admit HE is my husband, he can be prepared for the fall-out of anyone who may comment to HIM. If I text back, we get into a conversation and I become his friend..which is what he wants. I cannot do that. If I let myself become a “friend.” I will never be able to become his wife again. (That may not happen anyway.) After all, I’m not supposed to hold onto that 2% chance right now. I will reiterate that it is to painful to communicate and be a friend. I said I will communicate about the house, or the dog, or the garage sale. But, not chit-chat. Keep it business. He Cannot, Did Not and Will Not change his mind in 3 days. This came close once before and he changed his mind in one day..but I guess really didn’t. Or, I wouldn’t be here.
Okay, So last night I’m taking Petey for a walk at 10:30. He refuses to go potty in the back yard. This is ridiculous. So today, I go to Home Depot where I buy a Shower Rod. I find one but I don’t see directions on how it extends. Last time, I bought the wrong size. I realize the last one I got was actually a Towel Rod. I almost lose it but I tell myself; NO, you are not going to lose it in the middle of Home Depot. I also bought a plug strip. The guy at the store called it a Strip. (In his text, HE said he had the strip, but I was not going to make the extra trip over there to get it). One of the main reasons I went to Home Depot is because someone suggested getting one of those boxes where you put them together and put them on the patio with grass so I won’t have to take Petey out so late. I go to Home Depot near me and purchase one. The Home Depot I go to does not have the sod or grass though so I call the one near my old house that does and I go their after, BUT: the girl there tells me it will stain the patio. IT WON”T WORK! At least I didn’t waste the $50.00. At least, I’m at a Home Depot, so I can return it and get my money back. I thought about potty pads for pets but I can’t leave them outside or they will blow away. Petey is 14 years old and doesn’t really like change.
Petey
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I have an appointment with a new Psychologist tomorrow who is only 5 minutes away.
06/04/2013
Categories: Advice, Animals, Blog, Friends, husband, Life, marriage, Questions, separation, thoughts, Uncategorized, Wordpress . Tags: comments, dog, husband, life, marriage, other, responsibility, today, true story, wife . Author: stillstrange . Comments: 1 Comment